More Thursday Male Beauty

Why Foreign Opinion Matters

The Chimperator has done terrible damage to the image of the USA abroad. Reactionaries and Christianists think this doesn't matter and in addition hate Europeans because they generally do not embrace the mindset of the wingnut crowd. However, foreign public opinion DOES matter because it has a huge impact on (1) the ability of foreign governments to work with the USA while maintaining politcal capital at home, and (2) the desires of foreign nations to participate in US conceived ventures. The chart below shows clearly which candidate stands a better chance of re-establishing meaningful cooperation and resoring the image of America. Obviously, the McCain camp cannot be happy with the results.

Why Coming Out Was the Right Thing

Any readers who have been following this blog since its early days will know that coming out for me was a very wrenching experience and that it carried a very, very high cost. As I recently posted, looking back some six years later, I believe I did the right thing and would do it over again even though admittedly, I would handle some aspects differently with the benefit of hindsight. A reader who is currently in the closet and struggling with what course he should follow recently directed me to a blog called "Kids of Queers" and an interesting post by Anna, daughter of a gay man who came out after many years of marriage. I do not know if my children would identify with the writer's final conclusion, but from my prespective I believe much in the post is directly on point especially in terms of the cost of not coming out. In my own case, I am pretty confident that had I not come out, I'd be dead now. I recommend reading the full post, but here are some highlights:

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I mentioned in my previous post that I think my dad coming out was the right thing to do. Being on the family side of the coming out process, that is a hard position to take, a hard one to explain, and one that took a loong time to feel comfortable with. . . . I wish my dad wasn't gay. I wish he liked women, and I wish he wanted to be with my mom, and I wish they were still married and still in love. . . . But it's important for me to separate out the divorce issue from the gay issue. The gay issue caused the divorce issue, but the divorce is what robbed us of all the things I just mentioned. I would still miss those things if they'd divorced for another reason.

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But he is gay. I don't believe this is a choice. I believe this is the way he was born, and because of circumstances of his youth (upper crust Boston brahmin growing up in the 40's), he couldn't admit it to himself for a very, very long time. What's hard to measure is the untold price had he NOT come out. We know the price of his coming out, and it was very high for all of us. I'm coming to believe it was high for him too. But how bad would it have been if he never had come out and had lived with the secret forever?

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As for my dad....who knows if he would have made it? It is not uncommon for closeted gay people to become suicidal, and we all know the stories of closeted gay men who act out in dangerous ways that put their health, safety, and reputation at risk. Not to mention that there is always a fundamental benefit, even if it takes a very, very long time to see it, to honesty and personal integrity. Life is so, so, so, so short for all of us. How can I not wish for both my mom and my dad to be leading authentic lives? And had they stayed together, both would have been living a lie, even if only one of them knew it.

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Grace and strength can only come from truth. There is no shortcut, and there is no workaround. It may be impossible to believe, but everyone in your family will be better off in ten years than they would be if this secret remained in the dark. It took me years to believe this, but I finally do.

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If they do not feel this way now, I hope in time my children and my former wife will come to see the truth of Anna's conclusion. Living a false life and pretending to be who you are not, and hating yourself every day of your life because of it is so terribly destructive. A decent analysis of the stages of coming out can be found here.

Thursday Male Beauty

Dedicated to Elaine Donnelly (who no doubt would find this photo terrifying)

WP Column Trashes Elaine Donnelly

Regular readers know that I despise Elaine Donnelly, President of the so-called Center for Military Readiness, a Christianist created organization with two goals: (1) demonize gays constantly and keep them out of the military, and (2) push women from the military, apparently so that they remain in the home barefoot and pregnant. Would that Donnelly would take her own advice on the latter issue (although she looks so frigid, I suspect getting pregnant might be a challenge even if she were younger). Fortunately, at the hearings on DADT yesterday, Donnelly seems to have been at her most loopy and and came across as a nut case - which in my opinion is definitely the case - and spouted off lunatic statements notwithstanding her 100% lack of ANY experience in the military herself. Donnelly represents the true face and mindset of today's Christianists. People truly need to understand how crazy and consumed with hate these folks truly are and not just for gays - fortunately Donnelly helped educate the Armed Services Committee yesterday. In today's Washington Post, Dana Millbank lets Donnelly have it. Here are some highlights:

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Don't ask, don't tell. And, whatever you do, don't ask Elaine Donnelly to tell you what she thinks about gays in the military. The House Armed Services personnel subcommittee made just such a miscalculation yesterday. Holding the first hearing in 15 years on the "don't ask, don't tell" policy, lawmakers invited a quartet of veterans to testify on the subject and also extended an invitation to Donnelly, who has been working for years to protect our fighting forces from the malign influence of women.

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Donnelly treated the panel to an extraordinary exhibition of rage. She warned of "transgenders in the military." She warned that lesbians would take pictures of people in the shower. She spoke ominously of gays spreading "HIV positivity" through the ranks.

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Her written statement added warnings about "inappropriate passive/aggressive actions common in the homosexual community," the prospects of "forcible sodomy" and "exotic forms of sexual expression," and the case of "a group of black lesbians who decided to gang-assault" a fellow soldier. . . . . Inadvertently, Donnelly achieved the opposite of her intended effect. Though there's no expectation that Congress will repeal "don't ask, don't tell" and allow gays to serve openly in the military, the display had the effect of increasing bipartisan sympathy for the cause.

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Rep. Chris Shays (R-Conn.) pointed a finger at Darrah and glared at Donnelly. "Would you please tell me, Miss Donnelly, why I should give one twit about this woman's sexual orientation, when it didn't interfere one bit with her service?" Donnelly said something about "forced intimacy." Shays cut her off. "You're saying she has no right to serve her country because she happens to have a different sexual orientation than you."

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It was tempting to think that Donnelly had been chosen by Democrats to sabotage the case against open military service for homosexuals. But Republicans had consented to the witness panel, . . . . But it was Donnelly, founder and president of the Center for Military Readiness, who amused lawmakers the most.

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She further explained the "absolutely devastating" effect of homosexuals "introducing erotic factors" and made a comparison to Sen. Larry Craig's adventure at the Minneapolis airport. She said admitting gays to the military would be "forced cohabitation" and a policy of "relax and enjoy it." Murphy puffed his cheeks with air to calm himself. Rep. Ellen Tauscher (D-Calif.) said she was "shocked." Rep. Carol Shea-Porter (D-N.H.) said she was "embarrassed." Shays said it was "scurrilous" of Donnelly to talk about the menace of homosexual misconduct, because it would be punished the same way the military punishes heterosexual misconduct.

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Donnelly said something about her respect for the service of gay veterans. "How do you respect their service?" Shays demanded. "You want them out." Donnelly seemed to have unified the lawmakers -- against her. The next questioner was Rep. Joe Sestak (D-Pa.), a retired Navy vice admiral. "I couldn't ask it better than you did," he told Shays.

More Wednesday Male Beauty

National Review Column: DADT Needs to Go - UPDATED

UPDATE: Per live blogging by HRC, apparently, Elaine Donnelly made an ass of herself at the Congressional hearings on DADT (why am I not surprised?) and prompted a lot out outright laughter at her crazy statements. At one point, Arkansas Congressman Vic Snyder (D) admonished Donnelly for her outrageous claim that gay and lesbian servicemembers increase the risk for other soldiers contacting HIV and told her that, ironically, by her logic, she should only want to let lesbians into the military. Loud laughter all around. The woman truly needs to be in an institution under mental health care.

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Yes, it is a bit of a shock, but the National Review Online is carrying a column by one of its contributing editors slamming Don't Ask, Don't Tell ("DADT" and adamantly concluding that the policy needs to go. The piece also has some interesting statistics as to just how much the military has had to lower its standards to meet recruiting goals. Meanwhile, competent, educated, patriotic, law abiding gays have been forced out of the military. Common sense makes it clear that the policy was idiocy when adopted and has only become more stupid. It needs to go NOW. Elaine Donnelly (and closet cases like Robert Knight) will simply have to find a new group to victimize in order to have an orgasm or otherwise make herself (himself) feel better about her/his hate-filled, nasty self. Here are some highlights:

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As a House Armed Services subcommittee surely will discuss this afternoon, Pentagon officials evidently trust military inductees with felony rap sheets more than they do law-abiding gay GIs. Having relaxed academic, age, and weight restrictions to achieve recruitment goals, the Defense Department has granted “moral waivers” to criminal convicts. Simultaneously, it uses the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy to jettison gays in uniform, usually for merely disclosing their sexuality. This policy deserves a dishonorable discharge.

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Between 2006 and 2007, the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee recently revealed, convicted felons accepted by the Marine Corps rose 68 percent, from 208 to 350. Equivalent Army admissions rocketed 105 percent, from 249 to 511. Between 2003 and 2006, U.C. Santa Barbara’s Michael D. Palm Center calculates, “106,768 individuals with serious criminal histories were admitted” to the armed forces.

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Last year, the Army . . . admitted five rape/sexual-assault convicts, two felony child molesters, two manslaughter convicts, and two felons condemned for “terrorist threats including bomb threats.”

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Conversely, expelled military personnel include Arabic linguists and intelligence specialists who help crush America’s foes in the War on Terror. “Don’t Ask” has ousted at least 58 soldiers who speak Arabic, 50 Korean, 42 Russian, 20 Chinese, nine Farsi, and eight Serbo-Croatian — all trained at the prestigious Defense Language Institute. Al-Qaeda intercepts need translation, and Uncle Sam may need people who can walk around Tehran with open ears. Yet these dedicated gay citizens now are ex-GIs.

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A December 18, 2006 Zogby poll of 545 GIs who served in Iraq and Afghanistan found that 73 percent considered themselves comfortable among gays. Also, 23 percent said they knew gay people in their units, while 45 percent believed they did. So, 68 percent of GIs confirmed or imagined that they worked with gay colleagues, with no evident clamor for their ejection. If there is a gay-fueled crisis in unit morale and cohesion, it appears to have gone undetected.

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Today’s hearing of the House Armed Services Subcommittee on Military Personnel will consider what to do about this policy. Here is a simple idea. “Don’t Ask” should yield to equality: Sexual orientation should be irrelevant while inappropriate sexual conduct — gay, straight, or otherwise — should be punished. Our enemies are Islamofascists who murder Americans, not gay patriots who unravel terrorist plots and introduce jihadists to Allah.

Wednesday Male Beauty

"Brother Boy" and Sordid Lives

On a totally frivolous note, tonight is the series premier of the "Sordid Lives" on LOGO. If you haven't seen the original 1996 low budget film with a incredible cast of top talent, I recommend you rent the DVD. The movie is a scream and since much of the original cast has been signed for the series, it should be extremely funny as well. Having lived in Alabama and Texas in the past, I clearly can identify with the small town southern setting from places I experienced and the outrageous behavior of some of the characters. Although some of their traits are indeed somewhat universal. Leslie Jordan is hysterical as Brother Boy who believes he is Tammy Wynette. Here are some highlights from the Los Angeles Times:

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“Sordid Lives: The Series,” which premieres tonight on Logo, Viacom's LGBT-directed cable network, is a prequel to "Sordid Lives" (the movie), which was in turn adapted from "Sordid Lives" (the play). All were written and directed by Del Shores ("Queer as Folk," "Dharma & Greg"), whose range of accomplishment in diverse mediums makes him in a sense the Southern, white, gay Tyler Perry.

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Bonnie Bedelia, Rue McClanahan, Caroline Rhea and Olivia Newton-John (looking great, singing better than ever, and there is no irony intended in those words) are the names that should need no introduction; Leslie Jordan's is a slightly less familiar name but an immediately familiar face, even when he is made up as Tammy Wynette, which he is constantly. All but McClanahan and Rhea return from the film, as do the lesser known but superb Beth Grant, Ann Walker and Sarah Hunley, among others.

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The series splits its attention between Hollywood, where Ty (Jason Dottley) is trying to find work as an actor, and central Texas, where his relations are running farcically amok. The stories are connected only by phone calls between Ty, his "beautiful, controlling" mother, Latrelle (Bedelia), and his flamboyant Aunt LaVonda (Walker). . . . Also in Texas are Ty's grandmother Peggy (McClanahan), great aunt Sissy (Grant) and uncle Earl (Jordan), known as Brother Boy, who is in a mental institution, where an icy psychologist (Rosemary Alexander) plans to "de-homosexualize" him and where the death of Tammy Wynette leaves him suicidally distraught -- until he is visited by her spirit, played by Wynette's daughter, Georgette Jones, and told to carry on in her name.

U.S. Middle Class is Struggling

So reports CNN Money.com on the harsh reality of much of America's middle class families. Not that the Chimperator or John McCain would have a clue based on their privileged backgrounds and McCain's wealth via his heiress wife. While things are great for the top 1% or so of the population earning gobs of money and controlling over 1/3 of the country's wealth, things for everyone else basically suck and people are struggling to get by or maintain their standard of living. Some are even routinely borrowing against their retirement IRA's to survive. Unfortunately, too many in the middle class fall for the "no new taxes" and similar mantras put out by the GOP not realizing that despite the PR, the true beneficiaries of these programs are the wealthy and not themselves. Just as the Christianists rely on people not knowing the true history of this nation when the Christianists re-write the views of the Founding Fathers, so too the GOP relies on people not understanding that sound bites that sound good do not in fact benefit the listeners. Here are some highlights:

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America's middle class is growing increasingly squeezed by sagging incomes and soaring expenses, experts told Congress on Wednesday. Adjusted for inflation, median household income dropped by $1,175 between 2000 and 2007, said Elizabeth Warren, professor at Harvard Law School, in written testimony before the Joint Economic Committee. At the same time, the average family is spending $4,655 more on basic expenses, such as gas, housing, food and health insurance. Gas alone costs $2,195 more for a family making the same commute in May 2008 as it did eight years earlier.

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To cover these soaring expenses, many people have had to turn to credit cards. Nearly 10% of total disposable income in the United States goes to paying off such debt, Warren said. "There have never been since the Depression so many families standing right on the edge," Warren said. "Families have tightened their belts. They have cut down in every discretionary spending area they possible can."

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"There is a silent cry going out as middle class families gather around their dinner tables each night to talk about how to pay their ballooning bills," he said. "Middle class families are the engine of our economy, but their earning power and economic security has actually declined in the last seven years."

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Increasing economic inequality is to blame, testified Jared Bernstein, senior economist with the liberal-leaning Economic Policy Institute. While the middle class is contributing to productivity, the rewards are increasingly going to the wealthy.