Father's Day Thoughts - A Father's Gift

I lost my father in the fall of 2006 - strangely, he died on my son's birthday, something that has made that date bittersweet ever since. On this father's Day I want to re-publish a post from over three years ago because the gift my dad gave me continues to mean so much and did so much to help me deal with his passing. I sincerely hope that other fathers of gay children can learn from his example. Sadly, the boyfriend never got to meet my dad. I can only think that they would have hit it off famously. Here is 2007 post:
*
One thing that I will discuss later in more detail, but wanted to comment upon now - since I saw a photo minutes ago that made me think about it - is how much it meant for me to be accepted by my dad when I came out (a photo of him a few years back is posted at right). We had not always had the best relationship because he was stubborn and not at all good at showing his emotions (I believe this due to his having been raised from age 3 onward in an orphanage that had aspects to it like something out of a Charles Dickens novel). Moreover, in my struggle to hide “my terrible secret,” I never let anyone become completely close to me or allowed anyone to fully know me. It was as if a glass wall separated me from everyone. I could be fully myself only when I was alone.
*
When I came out to my parents – I had originally planned on NEVER telling them – my dad freaked out for a couple days. Mostly, I think, because he was wondering what to say to people about him having a gay child, especially since I had been quite visible in the Virginia Beach community. After that, he was fully supportive. The first time the [former] b/f and I visited my parents, he and my dad hit it off and came to like one another a great deal. Before he died last September, my dad and I reached a closure and sense of peace between us that had eluded us all my life. For that, I know I am very lucky.
*
To any parents reading this blog, I cannot stress enough to you the wonderful and priceless gift you give to your child when you accept them fully, including their sexual orientation. I am so fortunate that my dad gave me that gift.

My Son's Adventure Begins

My son - pictured above in the Blue Ridge Mountains near Charlottesville - is off to Georgia to start on his hiking adventure on the Appalachian Trail. As a parent, I hope he is careful and makes his journey safely and without mishap. I also wish him much enjoyment and believe that he will have an incredible experience in the process. He seems well equipped and he seems to have done his "homework" in terms of planning of traversing the length of the Trail up to Maine. He has e-mailed me a link to the Flicker account he has opened where he will upload photos as and when he can along the way.

Obviously, I am very proud of my son and love him very, very much. He and his sisters are what give meaning and a reason to my years in the closet. In order to have them, I'd go through all the pain and unhappiness all over again.

Incredible Natural Beauty

I mentioned in an earlier post today the wonderful trip I had with my son to British Columbia. I wanted to post a few more photos, including the 21 story waterfall on the road to Whistler (my son took the photo since I have a fear of heights), a fabulous view of an arm of Puget Sound, and a gorgeous beach on the west coast of Vancouver Island.

A Longed for Reconciliation

I want to thank those of you who have been supportive and congratulated me on the graduation invitation situation with my youngest daughter. Words cannot convey how happy I am that the divorce war has not driven her away from me.

I am hoping at some point my son will again communicate with me. His mother’s propaganda seems to have been the most effective with him. Being in the closet until he was 17, caused my relationship with him to never be what I wanted it to be. The glass wall that I erected to protect my secret had the effect of making me always afraid to talk much about my feelings with him. I guess in the end, he thought me unfeeling or aloof at times. Meanwhile, I loved him so much and was so proud of him. Some of my happiest times were on surf trips to Cape Hatteras with him and some of his friends.

But one of the all time best weeks of my life was when the two of us traveled to Seattle and then British Columbia the summer after he graduated from high school. It was a magic week and he and I both fell in love with Vancouver and the Pacific Northwest in general. Driving from Seattle to Vancouver, then to Whistler (the photo above is my son near the summit of Whistler Mountain) and then via ferry on to Vancouver Island was so much fun and I felt so close to him. I really hope that he will come to see his mother’s propaganda for what it is and that I have always tried to do my best by him and his sisters.

A Father's Gift

One thing that I will discuss later in more detail, but wanted to comment upon now - since I saw a photo minutes ago that made me think about it - is how much it meant for me to be accepted by my dad when I came out (a photo of him a few years back is posted above). We had not always had the best relationship because he was stubborn and not at all good at showing his emotions (I believe this due to his having been raised from age 3 onward in an orphanage that had aspects to it like something out of a Charles Dickens novel). Moreover, in my struggle to hid “my terrible secret,” I never let anyone become completely close to me or allowed anyone to fully know me. It was as if a glass wall separated me from everyone. I could be fully myself only when I was alone.

When I came out to my parents – I had originally planned on NEVER telling them – my dad freaked out for a couple days. Mostly, I think, because he was wondering what to say to people about him having a gay child, especially since I had been quite visible in the Virginia Beach community. After that, he was fully supportive. The first time the b/f and I visited my parents, he and my dad hit it off and came to like one another a great deal. Before he died last September, my dad and I reached a closure and sense of peace between us that had eluded us all my life. For that, I know I am very lucky.

To any parents reading this blog, I cannot stress enough to you the wonderful and priceless gift you give to your child when you accept them fully, including their sexual orientation. I am so fortunate that my dad gave me that gift.