I want to thank those of you who have been supportive and congratulated me on the graduation invitation situation with my youngest daughter. Words cannot convey how happy I am that the divorce war has not driven her away from me.
I am hoping at some point my son will again communicate with me. His mother’s propaganda seems to have been the most effective with him. Being in the closet until he was 17, caused my relationship with him to never be what I wanted it to be. The glass wall that I erected to protect my secret had the effect of making me always afraid to talk much about my feelings with him. I guess in the end, he thought me unfeeling or aloof at times. Meanwhile, I loved him so much and was so proud of him. Some of my happiest times were on surf trips to Cape Hatteras with him and some of his friends.
But one of the all time best weeks of my life was when the two of us traveled to Seattle and then British Columbia the summer after he graduated from high school. It was a magic week and he and I both fell in love with Vancouver and the Pacific Northwest in general. Driving from Seattle to Vancouver, then to Whistler (the photo above is my son near the summit of Whistler Mountain) and then via ferry on to Vancouver Island was so much fun and I felt so close to him. I really hope that he will come to see his mother’s propaganda for what it is and that I have always tried to do my best by him and his sisters.
I am hoping at some point my son will again communicate with me. His mother’s propaganda seems to have been the most effective with him. Being in the closet until he was 17, caused my relationship with him to never be what I wanted it to be. The glass wall that I erected to protect my secret had the effect of making me always afraid to talk much about my feelings with him. I guess in the end, he thought me unfeeling or aloof at times. Meanwhile, I loved him so much and was so proud of him. Some of my happiest times were on surf trips to Cape Hatteras with him and some of his friends.
But one of the all time best weeks of my life was when the two of us traveled to Seattle and then British Columbia the summer after he graduated from high school. It was a magic week and he and I both fell in love with Vancouver and the Pacific Northwest in general. Driving from Seattle to Vancouver, then to Whistler (the photo above is my son near the summit of Whistler Mountain) and then via ferry on to Vancouver Island was so much fun and I felt so close to him. I really hope that he will come to see his mother’s propaganda for what it is and that I have always tried to do my best by him and his sisters.
2 comments:
I think they will all come around eventually Michael, unfotunately it may take a bit of time. My sister and I were filled with the same kind of crap for years, not because of a gay parent, but, it was just the kind of thing that my father and his mother enjoyed doing. They loved to cause rifts, stir up trouble, cause fights, or spread rumours and lies. For the life of me I'll never understand the motivation behind it.
For years, my sister and I kept Mom at arm's length. It was only later in life that some light got turned on in our brains, and it was one of those middle of the night calls from my sister when she's been sitting around thinking about things... we started comparing notes, and started shining a light on all the lies, poison, bullshit, etc. that we had been fed from the time we were old enough to understand. Grandma died 3 years ago now, Alzheimer's eventually took her life. I may sound like the most horrid person on the planet for saying it out loud, but it was a relief. Before she did, both my sister and I had told dead old dad to piss off. There is zero communication with him now (but he still calls my sister when he's drunk and rants and raves and carries on in the same old way).
I have gotten to that stage in my life where I have neither the time nor the capacity to deal with that level of nonsense any longer. I'm not the only one with this experience, as many I have spoken with have had a similar experience. The poison tongued people you eventually eliminate from your life. Who needs that aggravation on a daily basis?
Unfortunately Michael, my dear friend, it will take a bit of time for them to break through the level of vitriol that is being fed to them on a daily basis, but they will, I completely hold that belief to be true.
My sister and I talk regularly about how dear old dad continues to rant and rave and spread lies and poison. The thing is, the more he does, the smaller the number of people who want to listen to it anymore. He's alienating more people the more he runs his mouth. He'll eventually die a lonely, bitter, miserable old drunk. And when his day of reckoning comes, he'll realize he could have lived his life completely different than the way he did. Who in their right mind wants to spend time around bitter angry people?
Your youngest is still close. She will probably be the one who makes them see things differently. They will come to realize the love you have for your three children.
Until that day, know that you have the love of your friends.
i suppose its hard for everyone. i hope for you that he'll come through. glad that your daughter accepts. perhaps your son will be able to understand like your daughter.
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