Random Thoughts - Updated Saturday Evening

UPDATED: I have modified this post. I am trying to find out more information, but it seems that there was a reason for my friend's seemingly - from my perspective - out of control behavior. In deference to him and all the wonder moments we have shared, I have deleted the rant portion of the post I wrote this morning. Please keep my friend in your thoughts and prayers.

*

This coming week should be interesting since my new subtenant for a portion of my office space will be moving in, with full occupancy to take place on Friday. I'd prefer not having an additional sub-tenant, but with the current economic slow down and utter crash of the residential real estate market, cutting overhead is a must. And who is my new subtenant you ask? The eastern office of the Virginia Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America ("ELCA"). They were seeking new office space in the general area of my office and a realtor friend who attends my parish brought them by since he knew I was looking for ways to lower overhead costs. Everyone seems very nice and hopefully all will go smoothly with us sharing the lobby area and the main conference room and kitchen. Whether or not they realize they are moving into the midst of a gay enclave remains to be seen. :) I believe that the strongest witness gays can make is to just be themselves and dispel the distorted stereotypes that some may hold - both I and my gay staff member will try to do our part in this cause.

*
On the romance front, I had a date on Wednesday evening with a very nice guy who is smart, personable, age appropriate as some might call it, seems totally comfortable with himself, and who is totally out. Hopefully, we will see each other again sometime soon. I truly do not want to get involved with someone in the closet because of all the baggage that goes with it. After years of hiding and worrying about be found out, it is SO liberating to just be able to be who I am with no pretense or apologies. I truly do not believe I could go back to living that way or with someone who lived in constant fear of discovery. To me the term "discrete" one sees in personal ads equates to repressed and a lack of self-acceptance.

*

Speaking of romance, next month my friends Martin and Christopher are having their long delayed wedding celebration. They were married last summer on 7-7-07 in Canada but never had a chance for a real celebration party due Christopher's mother's health (she died last summer). His mom was a truly great lady and a true inspiration for me and so many, many people. The affair will be on Virginia's Eastern Shore at a fabulous B&B. The house was originally built in 1746 and was destroyed in a fire around 1960. It has been faithfully restored and as the photo above and additional photos on the web site reveal, it is gorgeous. I still need to find a date for the affair. Any interested takers out there? :)

Delayed Sunday Afternoon Thoughts

It was a largely uneventful weekend except for my internet service not working properly for most of the day on Sunday. As a result, these thoughts are being posted today instead of yesterday. I still do not know what the problem was. In any event, I attended the holiday function for a local real estate investor group I belong to on Saturday night – I got all done up in a tuxedo, in fact, with a red tie and red cummerbund in honor of the Holiday season – and then later went to Mixers and then to The Wave to dance. As I have said before, I love to dance and The Wave has non-stop dance music and I got to see some of the other regulars.

I went to church at St. Andrews Episcopal again this weekend. I still formally belong to First Lutheran and in many ways prefer the Lutheran service. It saddens me that the modern day Pharisee element both in the First Lutheran congregation – not to mention congregations of assorted denominations across the nation – sends out a message of rejection and self-satisfied superiority to members of the LGBT community. These (in my view) simple-minded, hate oriented people cling to a selective literal reading of a few passages of the Bible to commit the equivalent of spiritual murder to LGBT individuals who have every much as right to claim Christian belief for themselves as do these Pharisees.

Worse yet, these modern day Pharisees ignore (sometimes knowingly) advances in knowledge in medical and mental health fields so that they can wrongfully and self-righteously judge others as “sinners.” I strongly suspect that Christ would lump them in with the Pharisees of his day and castigate them for the harm they do others. I likewise fault parish leaders who lack the courage to call out those who thrive on excluding others and going about with their falsely pious noses in the air. Leadership often means speaking out and telling others that they are wrong and taking them to an understanding of views they do not initially welcome. Such courage and leadership are sadly lacking in far too many supposedly Christian churches and parishes across the world.

I find all of this anti-gay energy especially sad during the Christmas season when I suspect far too many members of the LGBT community long for involvement in church and spiritual matters yet feel that they are either not welcome and/or will be subject to gossip and criticism if they attempt to take their rightful place in church communities.

Feeling Much Better

As I suspect readers have surmised from the two earlier posts, I am feeling much, much better today. I basically went home, dosed myself up and went to sleep. When I can go to sleep at 2:00 PM and sleep for four and a half hours without waking up, you know I am doing poorly. The added sleep and the drugs seem to have done the trick. Of course, now I have added catch up work to do for having been out yesterday afternoon.

Many of you sent me comments and e-mails wishing me a quick recovery. Thank you one and all for your thoughtfulness.

Thanksgiving Day Thoughts

The last year has been pretty momentous for me - the horrors of the protracted divorce war, the decline of a committed relationship, work stresses and the occasional tribulations of living in a place far from the bright center of the gay universe. Yet, today I am finding myself pretty thankful for what I have. The divorce is complete, my son came through his recent bicycle accident largely unscathed compared to what might have been, things have begun to thaw with my older two children, and despite a horrid economy and real estate market, the law firm has stayed afloat to date (as the only openly gay attorney in the area, I REALLY want to have the firm be successful to spite some of the homophobes in the larger firms).

Today I will be spending Thanksgiving dinner with my younger sister's family, some of her in-laws and at least my youngest daughter. My contribution: wine, champagne and pecan and apple pies I baked from scratch. On my way over, I will be picking up my late father's 92 year old sister who is feisty as ever and quite a character - think Hyacinth on "Keeping Up Appearances" feisty. My nephew from Florida is in town too - his mother was my sister that I lost in 2001. It should be a nice day. Meanwhile, the rest of my siblings will be having dinner at my other sister's home in Charlottesville.

I hope all of my readers and cyberspace family members in the USA have a wonderful holiday and happiness today. Thanks for being there for me with your comments, support and friendships.

Thursday Evening Thoughts

As I have mentioned briefly in a prior post and in more detail to some of you via e-mail, I have had a few medical issues going on since I have some as yet undiagnosed condition. From initial blood work and other symptoms, the most annoying of which is itching all over (which makes sleeping a bitch), it was thought that I might have a rare blood disorder, Polycythemia. On last Friday morning I had a CAT scan done to, among other things, check to see if I have an enlarged spleen - one of the common symptoms- or any sometimes related liver problems. I got the results today and all was pretty much normal. Obviously, good news, but not any more dis positive of the true situation than what I knew before. I am waiting to see what my doctors recommend next and/or may go see a hematologist. For now, I remain alive and kicking.

Over the last two nights, I re-read Christopher Rice's book, "A Density of Souls." Some may find it quirky (especially some straights), but I find it an interesting view of life and society. It shows the hate and damage done by homophobia, the superficial nature of much in upper middle class life in the USA, and the Deep South in particular, since the story takes place in New Orleans. It also shows some of the intimacy and wonder of gay love. Having lived in Mobile, Alabama, just 120 miles to the east of New Orleans and with a very similar "Old Family" social structure, the book rings very true. There are also parallels to my former upscale neighborhood in Virginia Beach where I lived for 18 years during my marriage.

What also strikes home in the story is that most of the characters are "doing what they were told to do" by family and society, not following their true natures or their hearts. The result is that they go through the motions of a life, but in many ways do not truly live or find real happiness. It is the gay characters who seem to most see the false reality of those around them, all the while suffering for being "different" or "breaking the rules." I think being different and "breaking the rules," particularly in matters of sexual attraction, is what sets gays apart from the rest of society. At least here in largely backward Tidewater, Virginia. In truth, we are just like everyone else in so many ways, yet we do have a whole different perspective as a result of hiding our true identities while growing up and often even when out of the closet (e.g., at work). Of course, that different perspective merely adds to the "otherness" that so frightens some. Personally, I think that is a good thing and helps give gays a freedom of thought and action that others do not have. No doubt one of the reasons the Christianists hate us.

I have rambled. Sorry. I do recommend the book. I also often think of one of the poems in the book, which offers good counsel in times of stress:

"Fear cannot touch me,
It can only taunt me, it cannot take me,
Just tell me where to go.
I can either follow, or I can hold on to the things that I know.
The shadows are darkness, and darkness cannot talk."