In Memoriam: Natasha Richardson

Natasha's untimely death should remind all of us of the need to live more in the moment and grasp some happiness each day - and to love others each day - since we truly do not know when some freak accident could change everything in literally hours. As someone who grew up snow skiing, her accident and death sends shivers down my spine. My thoughts go out to her children and family.

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On Thursday, Feb. 12, 2009, she had attended an amfAR gala to kick off fashion week and to raise money for AIDS research. Richardson was also on the board of the charity amfAR, The Foundation for Aids Research. According to the Guardian, this statement was issued by amfAR:

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"Natasha's passion for the cause and tireless efforts gave hope and inspiration to the scientists and healthcare workers on the front lines of this deadly epidemic, as well as to the millions of people living with HIV/AIDS around the world. "The board of trustees and staff of amfAR are deeply saddened by this loss."

Thoughts on Life, Death, and a Former Life

The mother of a long time friend (she and her husband are among the handful of couples from my former life who have remained loyal friends) died late last week as the result of a freak accident at her home. In going to the wake today, I found myself suddenly surrounded once more by people and scenes from the past. Both my friend and her mother's homes are in the neighborhood where I lived for 18 years during my married life in the closet. Moreover, the church where the wake/funeral was held is the Roman Catholic parish I attended for all those years as well as the church where my sister's funeral was held in April, 2001. As a result, I was surrounded by former neighbors who knew me from my civic league activities, neighborhood pool board membership and presidency, and charter member status of the church's Knights of Columbus Council. It felt most bizarre in many ways, not the least of which was seeing my friend's mother - who I had know fairly well - in her casket.

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One thought that hit home was that life is so fleeting and that we truly do not know how many days or hours we have left. Any number of things can turn your life upside down or end it when least expected. It caused me to yet again vow to live my life so that I enjoy the present and do not put off life and love to the future. Living in the moment is all we really have for certain.

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Secondly, I has hit by how important true friendships are as well as how rare they can be in life. Out of the entire crowd, my friend and her husband were the only ones who had proved themselves to be real, true friends. They love me gay or straight and I know they always will. The rest? Just acquaintances passing in the course of life and more concerned with what others think than standing up and making their own judgments and decisions. Are they bad people? I truly do not think so. Rather, they are what my therapist called the "sleep walkers" who go through the motions of life based on what they believe is expected of them. "Seeing better" now, I realize that I was one of those sleep walkers for many years.

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The third thing that struck me was how little has changed in the rhythm of the old neighborhood community. Yes, children have gotten older and acquaintances are aging - in some cases not well at all so that I felt I looked pretty damn good even - but so many seem to be playing the same old game of worrying about appearances, keeping up with the Jones if you will, and not living authentically. Could I go back to that existence? Never. I'd soon die or kill myself. It's like a cotton candy world. Pretty and fluffy, but devoid of substance - something my youngest daughter had remarked on a month or two back. In many ways, I feel I have lived more in the last 6 years than in many times that number of years previously. Yes, the last six years have been tumultuous at times and I have lost much financially. But in recompense, I have found my soul and the ability to be comfortable in my own skin. All in all, a pretty good trade off.

Further Weekend Reflections

I am truly having a wonderful weekend. I have met a goodly number of my boy friend's friends and it's a good reflection on him how highly they all seem to think of him. Living in the south side of Hampton Roads, I really do not know many people from the Hampton/Newport News side of the bridge tunnel. This long weekend has been the most time I have spent with my new boy friend on a continuous basis and it has been very, very pleasant. He continues to prove to be a most kind and sensitive guy and he makes me feel so good about myself. We seem well matched in terms of our romanticism. I do tease him, however, that I feel like I am staying with Martha Stewart because his home is so beautiful and well organized. When I think of my boy friend, I feel a warm glow. Hope none of you readers are gagging at the sentimentalism. :) I'm not sure what the game plan is for today - perhaps just relaxing and then hanging out pool side at a friend's place nearby.

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I did have a interlude with the past yesterday for a few hours, however. My former b/f and his new partner were in town from North Carolina and he came and got the balance of his things that have been being stored at my house for over a year. His new love interest seems nice and is nice looking. I wish them both much happiness and I told my ex "don't screw it up." With his stuff gone from the house, I feel that chapter of my life is more finished and that all my focus now is on going forward, especially now that I have someone new and wonderful in my life. Who is to say where it all will lead. All I know is that I am happy for now and will savor living these moments.

Appalachian Trail - Update 8/3/08

A number of readers have asked about my son's "trail name" for his Appalachian Trail odyssey. Well, the photo below of his entry in the mizpah registry shows his adopted trail name: Bad Idea. That's pretty much what his mother and I said as our initial reaction. "Highlife" signed in above him is one of his companions that he met on the Trail and has been traveling with for months. As the illustration indicates, my son has a crazy sense of humor and has always liked to draw. I continue to be so happy that he made the trip despite our initial concerns. One must live THEIR life for themselves and not to please/meet family or social expectations.