I always laugh when the Christofascists insist that gays make up only 2 to 3 percent of the population. These folks obviously haven't surfed gay hook up sites where there are multitudes of married men seeking other married men for sex. I'm sure that if asked all of these men would claim that they are straight - yes, straight to the next married man. The attraction of other married men is obvious - another closeted man is not likely to "out" you and force you to confront what's really going on and the fact that one isn't straight if you are having sex with other men. When I came out I was shocked by the number of married men looking for sex in gay chat rooms. I even encountered one from my old neighborhood who had kids on the same neighborhood swim team as my children. Yes, I was naive to put it mildly. And, unlike so many of these "straight" married men, I had to be honest about myself and to my family. Yes, the consequences of honesty and my ultimate divorce were messy to put it mildly. But living a dual life was something I simply could not do. A piece in Huffington Post looks at the phenomenon of married men looking for other married men. Here are some excerpts:
Just a little over 12 years ago, I would have said, "I'm not gay, I just like having sex with men!" Excuse me, that sounds pretty homosexual to me. Granted, if you're a male and having sex with other males, you could be bisexual, but whatever you are, you should just admit it. But I didn't do that 12 years ago. I was caught in a dysfunctional sexual limbo that made no sense. Of course, things have changed and I'm a happy homosexual now. I've also joined the ranks of the "happily divorced" and I'm no longer messing around with other married men, disengaging from the experience and pretending to be something I'm not. However, contrary to popular belief, there are more "married men looking for married men" out there.
Shocking as it may seem to some of you, this phenomena is not new. Of course, I have no cold hard facts to prove this statement, but I don't need them. All I need is a computer, an Internet connection and an hour of free time. There are numerous sites where "married men for married men" lurk. There are also online groups where these guys exchange their stories, get support for their dual lives and find the occasional hookup. And then there are online chat rooms, gay hook-up sites, and gay apps that are also used by men who are married and "just having sex with men," even though they're "not gay."
Society's lack of education and understanding towards alternatives to heterosexuality has forced people, men and women, into hiding in mixed-orientation marriages. This leads to people not living their authentic lives, nasty divorces, children who question their own sexuality after a parent comes out and numerous other problems . . . .
There's more to the piece that looks at why no gay man in his right mind would date and become emotionally involved with a married man. To me, however, the real point of the story is that there are many, many more gays than the Christofascists like to believe. And as society becomes more accepting of gays and we achieve full civil law equality, expect our visibility and numbers to increase. It will not because there are suddenly more gays, but rather simply because more of us are finally being honest with ourselves and our families.
1 comment:
You are so right my sir. I think that some of these homophobes would crawl in a corner and cry if every man who liked men came out. It would blow their mind haha!!
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