As the prior post indicated, I'm in a pissy mood, having awakened around 2:30AM suffering an anxiety attack about financial issues and a sub current of sadness that I heard nothing from either of my two older children over the holiday. Thoughts drift to the bottle of Xanax that the boyfriend has hidden so that I can't "get tempted" by all the pills. Frankly, I hate the holidays. And I hate year end business transactions that need to close notwithstanding all the lost days for the Thanksgiving and Christmas weekends. I know I should be (and I am grateful) for having the boyfriend in my life and that my youngest daughter remains loyal to me. Yet at times, I am simply so tired and find it hard to think in a positive way. The ongoing payments to the ex-wife are killing me ending insult to the way in which I was f*cked in my divorce by a judge who, in my opinion, needs to be removed from the bench for his blatant homophobia.*
Meanwhile, the boyfriend and I have been working like dogs the past two days on renovations to his hair salon: taking up and painting trim and laying a new floor in the styling area of the salon and assembling new styling chairs, etc. It is going to look great when we are done, but I may be crippled in the process. He has done so much for me and loves me more that I believe anyone ever has - certainly more than the former wife - so I am happy to be able to give back something to him. The other reward will be that he's taking me to Key West again in January.