As the prior post indicated, I'm in a pissy mood, having awakened around 2:30AM suffering an anxiety attack about financial issues and a sub current of sadness that I heard nothing from either of my two older children over the holiday. Thoughts drift to the bottle of Xanax that the boyfriend has hidden so that I can't "get tempted" by all the pills. Frankly, I hate the holidays. And I hate year end business transactions that need to close notwithstanding all the lost days for the Thanksgiving and Christmas weekends. I know I should be (and I am grateful) for having the boyfriend in my life and that my youngest daughter remains loyal to me. Yet at times, I am simply so tired and find it hard to think in a positive way. The ongoing payments to the ex-wife are killing me ending insult to the way in which I was f*cked in my divorce by a judge who, in my opinion, needs to be removed from the bench for his blatant homophobia.Meanwhile, the boyfriend and I have been working like dogs the past two days on renovations to his hair salon: taking up and painting trim and laying a new floor in the styling area of the salon and assembling new styling chairs, etc. It is going to look great when we are done, but I may be crippled in the process. He has done so much for me and loves me more that I believe anyone ever has - certainly more than the former wife - so I am happy to be able to give back something to him. The other reward will be that he's taking me to Key West again in January.
5 comments:
Waking up to an anxiety attack=complete and total suckage.
As a woman-I am outraged that in this day and age women still think they are entitled...
'The lifestyle to which one is accustomed' included a gay husband. You can't kick him to the curb but keep his money.
Gay or not-it isn't right.
Much love to you-the holidays will be over in the blink of an eye.
Key West in January sounds lovely.
Barry has a cool website and a winning philosophy! Thanks for including this.
Michael,
I am sorry you are still fighting the guilt of being gay. I wish I could take that away from you but only you can. I am gay but have not felt the pain that you have. Please don't ever give up. I think you are making progress even though you don't think so. I believe you will be repaid for your anguish. Hang in there. We reader do care...
I guess it would be a good motivation for you to know that not only you experiences this. We do all have our burdens. We are not gays but we could have more problems than you. Hey, I wish you well in everything. God is good. Thanks for sharing your emotions here.
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