Sunday Morning Reflections

Last nights dance outing turned into a cluster f*ck and was anything but the relief that I needed so much. My straight friend slipped and fell on the dance floor and broke her wrist. We ended up in the Sentara Norfolk General ER until nearly 4:00 AM- which offers treatment at a pace one would expect to find in some third world medical facility rather than one that spends incredible amounts advertising even though the Sentara Health System has a near monopoly on hospitals in the region. Some of the many millions spent on advertising to a captive market would be far better spent having adequate staff in the ER's. If one wants to die, OD on a Saturday night and be taken to a Sentara facility and you'll be as good as dead.

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To add to the fun, my deep depression/melancholy of yesterday spun out of control and descended into a major melt down. I very nearly agreed to check myself into the psychiatric ward. The financial strain of the bad economy combined with the unrelenting nastiness of the post-divorce wars is taking a severe toll on me and I've agreed with the boyfriend to go back into therapy to begin trying to re stabilize. I truly feel that I had been doing well emotionally and psychologically until the post-divorce nightmare began last December. Now, I feel that I've regressed significantly - not in terms of my self-acceptance - in my ability to withstand the anti-gay bigotry that continues to be a hallmark of the Virginia judicial system.

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What is perhaps the most distressing is that I feel powerless in a system where the judges I have had to face view gays basically as some type of vile vermin that needs to be punished if not eradicated. I truly intend to do all I can to make their names public and do all I can to see that they are not reappointed to the bench when their current terms expire - even if that includes going before committees in the General Assembly and describing the injustices done to me. I suspect I will be able to find others who will be willing to likewise speak out against these homophobic judges.

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One bright spot through all of this mess is the boyfriend who continues to be loving and supportive and overall simply wonderful. I don't know what I'd do without him.