Friday Morning Male Beauty

What Growing Up In An Anti-Gay Household Does to a Gay Person

I grew up in a relatively conservative Republican home where we regularly attended Roman Catholic Church services.  I was very Catholic and served as an altar boy fro age 8 to 17 (I had just turned 18 when I started college) and went on to become a 4th Degree Knight of Columbus as I desperately tried to "pray away the gay."  That said, while my religious upbringing was virulently anti-gay as was the norm back in those days - actually, it still is if one is raised Catholic - my parents were not homophobic.  Indeed, it was only in later years I figured out that one of my maternal great aunts by marriage had a gay brother who was partnered for roughly 40 years.  This gay couple were part of our extended family for all of my youth and first years of college.  Their relationship was never discussed around us children, but was totally accepted by my parents and aunts and uncles and grand parents.  

Despite this surprisingly enlightened mindset, my religious upbringing nonetheless wreaked havoc on me emotionally and psychologically.  In the wake of the horrific massacre in Orlando over the past weekend, there is much speculation over the mindset of the shooter who killed 49 innocent people. The facts as known to date suggest perhaps toxic influences from ISIS propaganda were a motivation for the bloodbath, yet on the other hand, given the emerging facts about the shooter's exposure to fundamentalist Muslim beliefs and his homophobic father, some believe that internalized homophobia might also have been in play.  A piece in the Washington Post looks at the damage done to LGBT individuals raised in anti-gay homes and the role that this might have played in the tragedy in Orlando.  Here are excerpts:

Imagine growing up hearing from those you love and trust that certain groups of people are evil. In fact, these people are so bad, so wrong, that God himself will punish them. Imagine absorbing this hatred deep into your bones. Imagine that you then discover, at some point in your adolescence, that you are one of these people. They are the hated. You are the hated.

We don’t know the details of Omar Mateen’s sexuality. Perhaps he did not fully understand. But according to some, Mateen expressed romantic interest in men. A classmate from his 2006 police academy class told the “Palm Beach Post” that Mateen had asked him out. Sometimes, after class, Mateen would go with friends to gay nightclubs, the classmate said.

We will never understand what triggered Mateen. But there is abundant evidence that the prejudice we face is toxic. And when anti-gay prejudice comes from parents or religion, the effect is profound. According to University of Tennessee Knoxville psychology professor Dawn Szymanski, research shows that experiencing rejection from parents of your sexual identity is linked to traumatic internalized negativity – what psychologists call “internalized homonegativity” or “internalized stigma.” The same is true when a person belongs to a religion that rejects homosexuality.

One consequence of this internalized stigma is violence: Studies of same-sex couples show that internalized homophobia is significant predictor of violence within a relationship. Self-hatred also creates profound psychological distress: One meta-analysis found that higher levels of internalized anti-gay stigma were correlated with worse mental health. The psychological distress can include anxiety, depression, poor self-esteem and hyperarousal – a state of increased tension that includes irritability, anger and aggression.

Anti-gay prejudice is especially pernicious because it creeps into the intimacy of one’s own family. For other forms of bias – racism, for example, or prejudice based on one’s religion — the family can be a refuge against the hatred of the outside world. But anti-gay prejudice is different. The hatred comes from not outsiders, but from loved ones. Parents’ rejection of their children is the one of the biggest reasons as many as 40 percent of homeless youths are LGBT.

Politicians will continue to use “radical Islam” as a culprit. But it’s not clear that Mateen was motivated by ideology; indeed, he claimed to support a jumble of groups with conflicting points of view. On the other hand, his ex-wife told CNN, “It doesn’t surprise me that he was leading two totally different lives and was in such deep conflict within himself.” 

Imagine a young person sitting in his congregation, listening. Imagine this young person absorbing that certain people deserve to die because of who they are. Now imagine that child growing up to discover that he is gay. He, too, deserves to die. Imagine the chaos and self-hatred growing inside his heart.

The root cause, of course, of anti-gay beliefs is religion, especially Abrahamic religions.  The same religions that over the centuries have lead the the deaths and stigmatization of millions of people.  As I have said before, religion is a pernicious evil that needs to be eradicated.

More Thursday Morning Male Beauty

Prince William: Attitude Magazine Has First Royal Cover Star

Even as America's Republican leaders remain akin to Neanderthals when it comes to the acceptance and treatment of LGBT individuals, "across the pond" in the United Kingdom, attitudes are changing much more rapidly for the better.  Indeed, Prince William, second in line to the British throne, is on the cover of the latest issue of Attitude, a gay magazine.  The BBC looks at this milestone.  Here are excerpts (note William's pro-LGBT and anti-bullying statements):

The Duke of Cambridge has become the first member of the Royal Family to appear on the cover of a gay magazine.

He spoke to Attitude about the issue of homophobic bullying, saying: "No-one should be bullied for their sexuality or any other reason."

The duke invited the magazine to bring members of the LGBT community to Kensington Palace to discuss bullying and its mental health repercussions.

Kensington Palace said William had been "moved" by the stories he heard.  William said that "no-one should have to put up with the kind of hate that these young people have endured in their lives".

The duke told the magazine: "The young gay, lesbian and transgender individuals I met through Attitude are truly brave to speak out and to give hope to people who are going through terrible bullying right now.

"Their sense of strength and optimism should give us all encouragement to stand up to bullying wherever we see it.

"What I would say to any young person reading this who's being bullied for their sexuality: don't put up with it - speak to a trusted adult, a friend, a teacher, Childline, Diana Award or some other service and get the help you need.  "You should be proud of the person you are and you have nothing to be ashamed of."

The photograph of a smiling prince on the cover of a gay magazine is a sign of William's willingness to embrace the diverse nature of British society. It's also a reminder that the monarchy is an institution that can evolve.

In the late 1980s, Diana, Princess of Wales would visit people who had Aids or leprosy. Her former bodyguard, Ken Wharfe, told the Diana inquest that the Queen had asked why the princess didn't get involved "with something more pleasant".

Three decades on, her son is highlighting the work being done against bullying and in support of removing the stigma surrounding mental health.

Another striking aspect of this interview is that William is a future king. As things stand, one day he'll be head of state of the UK and 15 other countries - some of which discriminate against gay people. 

 Kudos to William!

L.G.B.T. People Remain Mostly Likely Hate Crime Targets

While many continue to feel shock and express their horror over Sunday's murder of 49 mostly young LGBT men in Orlando - for most Republicans, it's, of course, only lip service - the fact remains that LGBT individuals remain disproportionately targeted for hate crimes.  Sadly, it should be no surprise when conservative religious denominations, including the anti-gay Roman Catholic Church, continue to depict us as a threat to marriage or even society itself.  And in places like Hampton Roads, Virginia, the transition of police from those to be feared to protectors of the LGBT community is a recent transformation.  Just 13 years ago I myself and activist Wayne Besen were stopped and harassed by Norfolk police officers as we were headed to The Wave, a local LGBT dance club - the officers involved made it clear by their words and behavior that they viewed harassing "faggots" to be great sport.  A piece in the New York Times looks at the sad reality that if one is LGBT, vigilance is always necessary.  Here are highlights:

Even before the shooting rampage at a gay nightclub in Orlando, Fla., lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people were already the most likely targets of hate crimes in America, according to an analysis of data collected by the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

L.G.B.T. people are twice as likely to be targeted as African-Americans, and the rate of hate crimes against them has surpassed that of crimes against Jews.

Politicians have been divided on how to define the Orlando tragedy. President Obama called it both “an act of terror and and an act of hate.” But some Republican officials have refused to acknowledge that it could be considered a hate crime.

Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, the majority leader, has omitted any mention of gays when talking about the massacre, and Representative Pete Sessions of Texas has said the site of the shooting was not a gay club.

According to a CBS News poll released on Wednesday, however, most Americans call the attack both a hate crime and terrorism. And the nightclub, Pulse, on its Twitter account, billed itself as “Orlando’s premier gay ultra lounge, nightclub and bar.”

Nearly a fifth of the 5,462 so-called single-bias hate crimes reported to the F.B.I. in 2014 were because of the target’s sexual orientation, or, in some cases, their perceived orientation.

As the majority of society becomes more tolerant of L.G.B.T. people, some of those who are opposed to them become more radical, said Mark Potok, a senior fellow at the Southern Poverty Law Center.

The flip side of marriage equality is that people who strongly oppose it find the shifting culture extremely disturbing, said Gregory M. Herek, a psychology professor at the University of California, Davis, who is an expert on anti-gay violence.

Finding accurate statistics about hate crimes targeting L.G.B.T. people is challenging, in part, because victims — fearful of outing themselves to family members or employers — might choose not to report an attack, Mr. Herek said.

A recent report by the Bureau of Justice Statistics found that most crimes are not reported to the police, and those that are reported are frequently not classified as hate crimes by local jurisdictions.

A look at four years of homicides of L.G.B.T. people catalogued by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs shows that the vast majority of those who were killed were black or Hispanic transgender people.

There is a long history, particularly in the transgender community, of not being treated with respect by law enforcement, social service agencies and the legal system, said Roger Coggan, director of legal services at the Los Angeles L.G.B.T. Center.

“Unfortunately, we just have to accept the fact that stigma based on sexual orientation is still widespread,” Mr. Herek said. “Overcoming those prejudices is a lot of work.”

As the article implies, religion remains the driving force behind anti-LGBT hate crimes and discrimination.  It goes without saying that the "godly folk" also dislike pretty much also all non-Christians even though they hold special animus towards those of us who are LGBT. 

Thursday Morning Male Beauty

While LGBT's Mourn Their Dead, Evangelicals Whine Over Lost Ability to Mistreat Others

For those who have followed this blog for years, I suspect that you have discerned a growing disgust on my part with evangelical Christians who I increasingly view as some of the most selfish, self-centered, and often hate-filled individuals one can encounter in daily activities.  The aftermath of the massacre at Pulse in Orlando finds countless members of the LGBT community shocked, in mourning and fighting back fear that copycat attacks might occur.  Indeed, as the Georgia Voice reports:

The Atlanta Police Department confirmed they are investigating a gay Atlanta man who tweeted that he would make two local gay bars “the next Orlando.” . . . Brett Edgerton, going by the handle @BrettTEdgerton, tweeted the following: “TEN or Blake’s could be the next Orlando. You think I am the type to be the next ‘shooter’? Keep hating me then…”

So we worry for our lives and the lives of those we love, yet what are evangelicals whining about? Their declining ability to inflict their archaic, ignorance based religious beliefs on all of society.  And perhaps the fact that they just might have to think for themselves and accept modern knowledge that increasingly shows the falsity of their beliefs.   Here's a sampling of this misogyny:

Pastor Richie Clendenen stepped away from the pulpit, microphone in hand. He walked the aisles of the Christian Fellowship Church, his voice rising to describe the perils believers face in 21st-century America.

"The Bible says in this life you will have troubles, you will have persecutions. And Jesus takes it a step further: You'll be hated by all nations for my name's sake," he said.  "Let me tell you," the minister said, "that time is here."

The faithful in the pews needed little convincing. Even in this deeply religious swath of western Kentucky — a state where about half the residents are evangelical — conservative Christians feel under siege.

For decades, they say, they have been steadily pushed to the sidelines of American life . . . . Religious conservatives could once count on their neighbors to at least share their view of marriage. Those days are gone. Public opinion on same-sex relationships turned against conservatives even before the U.S. Supreme Court legalized gay marriage nationwide.

Now, many evangelicals say liberals want to seal their cultural victory by silencing the church. Liberals call this paranoid.

Clendenen, preaching on this recent Sunday, reflected on the chasm between his congregants and other Americans.  "There's nobody hated more in this nation than Christians," he said, amid nods and cries of encouragement. "Welcome to America's most wanted: You."

For evangelicals like those at Christian Fellowship, the sense of a painful reckoning is not just imagined; their declining clout in public life can be measured. . . . a series of losses in church membership and in public policy battles, along with America's changing demographics, are weakening evangelical influence, even in some of the most conservative regions of the country.

Nearly a quarter of Americans say they no longer affiliate with a faith tradition. It's the highest share ever recorded in surveys . . . . Christians who have been only nominally tied to a conservative church are steadily dropping out altogether. . . . white evangelicals can't match the growth rate of groups that tend to support Democrats — Latinos, younger people and Americans with no religious affiliation.

"The idea of what we call biblical morality in our culture at large is completely laughed at and spurned as nonsense," said David Parish, a former pastor at Christian Fellowship and the son of its founder. "The church as an institution, as a public entity — we are moving more and more in conflict with the culture and with other agendas."

For so many decades these people have stigmatized others and made other people's lives Hell.  Do I have any sympathy for these folks?  No.  Not one shred.  

More Wednesday Male Beauty

Some Republicans "Leave the Dark Side"; Meanwhile House Republicans Block LGBT Protections

Anti-LGBT Republican, Paul Ryan

Remember all of the feigned messages of condolences from assorted Republicans in the wake of the Orlando massacre of gays on Sunday morning.  While few allowed the words' "gay " or "LGBT" to cross their lips, they claimed to have the victims and their families in their thoughts and prayers. Today we saw just how insincere those words to the wounded and the families of those killed really were as Republicans in the House of Representatives blocked LGBT non-discrimination protections. These individuals truly are heinous.  Here are excerpts from The Advocate on this effort to kick the LGBT community yet again as it morns its dead:

House Republicans blocked a vote on LGBT nondiscrimination protections just days after the deadliest shooting in mass history claimed the lives of 49 people at Orlando’s Pulse nightclub.

Following the horrific attack on the Florida gay bar, Democratic congressman Sean Maloney reintroduced an amendment to a defense spending bill that would prohibit the federal government from contracting with companies that discriminate against LGBT workers. Only 18 states have laws on the books that ban discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation, and Maloney believes that this legislation would show the government’s support for the LGBT community at a crucial moment.

This is now the third time that Maloney’s LGBT amendment has been stonewalled by [Republicans in]Congress. On May 19, the GOP killed the legislation after it already had the votes to pass. In a last-minute maneuver, House Republicans coerced colleagues into switching their votes in order to ensure its failure. As the bill was voted down, Democrats chanted, “Shame! Shame! Shame!” on the House floor.

The legislation was reintroduced the following day. While the previous version was attached to a Veterans Affairs appropriations bill, this one was tied to a bill on energy and water spending. It again died.

Former GOP Senator Larry Pressler

Since I left the GOP many years ago, I hate to say it, but the party has become the personification of evil, especially in terms of pushing the hate and bigotry agenda of the Christofascists.   Thankfully, some in the GOP seem to be belatedly waking up.   One is former GOP U. S, Senator, Larry Pressler, a Mormon, who is endorsing Hillary Clinton as reported by Daily Kos:

After a weekend that forced us to confront the worst in humanity.  After a night that brought us to grips with a personal crisis in our own DKos family.  We see that one good man can stand up against the “Dark forces” that he sees griping the Senate in which he served for 18 years.  Larry Pressler is a Mormon sunday school teacher who tried to buck the insanity in his party a few years ago as a third party alternative but this is harsh reality speaking (via TheHIll.com):

“We need to go the route of more gun control as a result of Orlando and all the other shootings that have occurred,” Pressler said. “But it’s almost as though Republicans are saying gun control shouldn’t be part of the conversation at all."

But gun control isn’t the only reason why Pressler is ready to join “Republicans for Clinton” — he’s also concerned about Trump’s rhetoric on Muslims.

“This election is starting to sound like the German elections in [the late 1920s],” Pressler said. “This is a very dangerous national conversation we’re slipping into.”

“I can’t believe I’m endorsing Hillary Clinton for president, but I am,” said Pressler, who spoke with The Hill on Monday after endorsing Clinton, the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, in a statement issued over the weekend.
“
“If someone had told me 10 years ago I would do this, I wouldn’t have believed them."

Pressler, a moderate Republican who served three terms in the Senate before losing his seat to Democrat Tim Johnson in 1997, said he believes voting for Clinton is the “responsible thing to do.”

Utah Lt. Governor Spencer Cox

Perhaps more moving and more focused on the LGBT community are the remarks - and apology - of GOP Lt. Governor of Utah, Spencer Cox who spoke at a vigil for the victims of the Orlando massacre.  KLS.com has the transcript of his full remarks (read the entire thing).  Here are highlights:

SALT LAKE CITY — Utah Lt. Governor Spencer Cox addressed a vigil held Monday night to honor the victims and survivors of the mass shooting in Orlando. Here is a transcript of his remarks:
---
Ladies and Gentlemen,

Thank you for being here tonight on this very solemn and somber occasion. I begin with an admission and an apology. First, I recognize fully that I am a balding, youngish, middle-aged straight, white, male, Republican, politician... with all of the expectations and privileges that come with those labels. I am probably not who you expected to hear from today.

I’m here because, yesterday morning, 49 Americans were brutally murdered. And it made me sad. And it made me angry. And it made me confused. I’m here because those 49 people were gay. I’m here because it shouldn’t matter. But I’m here because it does. I am not here to tell you that I know exactly what you are going through. I am not here to tell you that I feel your pain. I don’t pretend to know the depths of what you are feeling right now. But I do know what it feels like to be scared. And I do know what it feels like to be sad. And I do know what it feels like to be rejected. And, more importantly, I know what it feels like to be loved.

I grew up in a small town and went to a small rural high school. There were some kids in my class that were different. Sometimes I wasn’t kind to them. I didn’t know it at the time, but I know now that they were gay. I will forever regret not treating them with the kindness, dignity and respect — the love — that they deserved. For that, I sincerely and humbly apologize.

We are here because 49 beautiful, amazing people are gone. These are not just statistics. These were individuals. These are human beings. They each have a story. They each had dreams, goals, talents, friends, family. They are you and they are me. And one night they went out to relax, to laugh, to connect, to forget, to remember. And in a few minutes of chaos and terror, they were gone.

I believe that we can all agree we have come a long way as a society when it comes to our acceptance and understanding of the LGBTQ community (did I get that right?). However, there has been something about this tragedy that has very much troubled me. I believe that there is a question, two questions actually, that each of us needs to ask ourselves in our heart of hearts. And I am speaking now to the straight community. How did you feel when you heard that 49 people had been gunned down by a self-proclaimed terrorist? That’s the easy question. Here is the hard one: Did that feeling change when you found out the shooting was at a gay bar at 2 a.m. in the morning? If that feeling changed, then we are doing something wrong.

So now we find ourselves at a crossroads. A crossroads of hate and terror. How do we respond? How do you respond? Do we lash out with anger, hate and mistrust. Or do we, as Lincoln begged, appeal to the “better angels of our nature?”

I truly believe that this is the defining issue of our generation. Can we be brave? Can we be strong? Can we be kind and, perhaps, even happy, in the face of atrocious acts of hate and terrorism? Do we find a way to unite? Or do these atrocities further corrode and divide our torn nation? Can we, the citizens of the great state of Utah, lead the nation with love in the face of adversity? Can WE become a greatest generation?

On behalf of the 3 million people of the state of Utah, We Are Orlando. We love you. And I love you.

.

Quote of the Day: America's Guilt in the Orlando Massacre

On Facebook under Prime Timers and Friends Around the World, I saw a great quote that sums up how the Orlando horror occurred.  And despite efforts of the far right in particular, to rush to blame Islam, the quotes underscores that the hate that motivated the shooter, whether a case of internalized homophobia or not - was nurtured right here in America.  Here's the relevant language:

"Just let this sink in... You say, "How could this tragedy happen?" It happened because Omar Mateen's hate was born and bred in America, not overseas. Just 2 weeks ago you were calling trans women child predators. 1 year ago you were saying that our marriages shouldn't be recognized. 6 years ago you were saying that gay men and women couldn't die for their country. 10 years ago you told us we didn't deserve job protections. 13 years ago it took Lawrence v. Texas to decriminalize our sex lives. 18 years ago you took Matthew Sheppard. 23 years ago you took Brandon Teena. 36 years the American Government began their 5 years of silence as 10,000 gay men were massacred by AIDS. 43 years ago we were still considered mentally ill. And 47 years ago the riots of Stonewall began. For centuries this country has bred homophobia into our history, into our schools, and into the very fabric of society. Omar Mateen was the product" of American hate...America, you taught him this and even sold him the gun to do it."

Until anti-LGBT churches, temples and mosques across America recognize their complicity  in this tragedy, the hate will continue to be a cancer in this country.  Likewise, as long as alleged religious belief is given undeserved deference and respect, the hate will continue to metastasize.