I have been thinking a lot about one comment that was left the other day by a married man who said that he'd probably never come out because he did not want to go through the divorce nightmare, etc., that I was experiencing. I respect his right to have his own opinion and to do what he believes is best for him.However, for me, to have placed retaining material things over the chance to be myself and not stay in the self-loathing closet would be to sell my soul. Yes, the financial fall out has been a disaster, but despite it all, I am far happier with who I am than at any point in my life. I am finally free to simply be me and not feel the need to apologize to anyone for who I am. I believe God, the Creator or whatever force one might want to cite made me gay for a purpose, even if I do not know what that purpose is. I may never know.
The coming out process is liberating in many ways. I know that I felt as if a huge weight had been taken from me and also an incredible sense of freedom: no more playing a role and not living my life as me. The divorce and financial mess has also forced me to realize that I am not defined by my possessions. Looking back, my "things" owned me and not vice versa. That is not how to live one's life - at least not in my opinion. Surrendering one's true self in order to retain a house, IRA's, or whatever, is selling your soul and it is a terrible price. I did that for far too many years and could never go back to that life again.
Off to work in a few minutes - I need to finalize some estate planning documents for a lesbian couple and then work on a couple of sets of condominium documents. Not the most exciting stuff, but it meets real needs of people and also helps pay the bills.
On a happy note, my oldest daughter has communicated with me, as has my youngest who I will see next weekend when I pass through Richmond on my way to Charlottesville for my mom's 80th birthday. The photo is of Christ and St. Luke's Church which sits beside the location of the Arts Festival site.
