The Problem of Ageism in the Gay Community

Ageism is a problem in American society as a whole which puts so much emphasis on youth and beauty and slim and toned bodies.  This can be multiplied ten fold in much of the gay community outside of the so-called "bear" community where ageism remains but some of the other fixation on body perfection is diminished (in my view).  Coming out in mid-life, this was a reality that hit me head on since in the minds of younger gays anyone my age was already a has been. Two things bring the issue to mind.  First, a friend's birthday party on Friday night where we had attendees ranging in age from their twenties to one in their early 70's - something not always witnessed in the gay community.  Second, a piece in Gay Star News that looks at the issue which is gaining more attention as more "out" gays are aging and suggest that many in the the younger generations are missing out by summarily dismissing their elders.  Many of the issues/views translate over to the straight world as well.  Here are article excerpts:

Over the last two years, getting older has started to scare me. . . . . . maybe it’s because I’ve always associated getting older with being written off; with being tossed out by society and not being able to enjoy a healthy, active social life anymore.

The other night whilst out I met an older man. He’d hidden himself in the shadowy corner of the club, swaying awkwardly while nursing his drink, trying to avoid being seen. I recognized these traits as the hallmarks of social anxiety. It’s an affliction I’ve battled with more times than I care to admit. Never one to see someone standing alone, I wandered over and struck up conversation.

A few minutes into the basic chit-chat and he tells me his age. ‘I’m 62’, he says sheepishly. He then goes on to express worry that he ‘feels too old’ to be here.  I shrug off this comment and try to soothe his concerns off by assuring him that he has the same right as anyone else to be here. He goes on tell me that he’s new to the city and that, when younger, he never had the opportunity to do ‘this’ (clubbing.)

However, a moment later, the conversation stopped mid-sentence when a younger gay (whose face was so smoothed over he resembled a malnourished Ken doll) shot a disparaging glare over towards the man. The look said it all; he was judging this man based purely on his age.

I’ve seen it so many times; judging glares from youthful gays at older gay men because they think it’s ‘weird’ or ‘creepy’ that they’re in the same bar.

What they fail to realize is that they’ll one day be that age. Ageism takes root in denial, in pretending that we’ll never get old. But everyone wakes up a day older.  You don’t hit 40 and find the urge to visit a bar suddenly eradicated. Nor do you have to retire your social life and commit to a hermit lifestyle.

We are a community composed of all ages, genders and races. We should not be complicit in our further marginalization.

The best people I’ve ever met are the ones who follow the mantra ‘age is just a number.’ Eighteen or 85, you can go to a gay bar or club and have drinks. You should be able to let loose and dance in a joyous way; you aren’t dead yet, so why the hell not?  We need to beat back that ‘you’re too old’ and ‘that guy is creepy because he’s older’ mentality like the medieval dragon it is.

But what I feel is more important is that we realize what we can learn from each other. After talking to that older man, I gained perspective and a better understanding of the struggles his generation battled – and he also bought me a drink, so it was a double win! You can find common ground with anyone, so don’t write people off because of their age. We are all a part of the same community.

What is lost on too many younger gays is the fact that the rights and social acceptance they enjoy is largely due to the efforts of the older generation they look down on or dismiss.  Locally, it is us "old guys" and "old gals" who continue to do much of the work raising funding for the annual pride event, support Equality Virginia financially, and who blaze trails of acceptance in social organizations and settings that once excluded gays. 

A friend has an interesting piece here on the issue as well.

Cry in the Wilderness of a GOP Moderate

I have commented often on what has happened to the Republican Party over the years since I resigned from the party as it began to fall under Christianist control. It's not a pretty picture and those moderate members of the Party who remain are headed towards extinction unless someone is elected to leadership who can stop the exodus of rational, educated, and non-religious zealots from the GOP. Politico has an interesting column by one of the endangered species GOP moderates calling for a return to rationality in the Party and also reciting statistics that should wake up Republicans - at least whatever non-Kool-Aid drinkers who are still left. Here are some highlights:

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On Friday, the 168 members of the Republican National Committee will vote on a new party chairman. After what can only be described as disastrous outcomes of the past two election cycles, lifelong Republicans like me held hope that we have finally learned that the key to winning is being inclusive and true to our limited government core. I had hoped that the RNC members would focus on the pressing bread-and-butter issues facing our country and our party.

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[T]he debate among the candidates for RNC chairman is more of the same: a call to energize the right wing of the party, despite the fact that this hyper-ideological, so-called base no longer represents the majority of GOP voters. And, as a consequence, vilify anyone who does not pledge 100 percent allegiance to an exclusionary social agenda. . . . The RNC members continue to pander to a small, vocal, fundamentalist faction instead of revamping its message, mission and agenda to appeal to a broader base of voters. All of this bodes ill for the GOP.

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According to national exit polls, the Republican brand lost with the two largest voting blocs in the country: women and moderates. Self-described moderates — who make up 44 percent of the electorate — gave Barack Obama a 21-point advantage over John McCain. Women gave Obama a 13-point advantage (56 percent to 43 percent). The GOP won the male vote only 49 percent to 48 percent, a negligible difference. Voters under 30, the future of both parties, gave Obama a landslide victory (66 percent to 32 percent). . . . These facts seem to be either ignored or not enough for our party leaders to see that the base is changing.

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[T]he reality that the reason the Democratic Party is the majority in Congress and in the White House is that they ran on a platform of inclusiveness and diversity. Our newly elected president took the oath of office sounding like a “big-tent” Republican — calling for common-sense solutions, leaner budgets, a reduction in government waste and greater personal responsibility — because he knew that these are the beliefs of the majority of voters. Meanwhile, the GOP is looking to repair its party by doing just the opposite: excluding voters, ignoring issues of concern and exhibiting an inability to provide common-sense solutions.

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The newly elected chairman must welcome diverse views on heartfelt social issues while remaining true to core Republican principles of limited government, individual responsibility and personal freedom. If the party cannot do this, there will be no Republican Party to fight over in the future.

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Personally, I do not see rationality returning to the GOP any time soon. Not when the lunatic base continues to weld too much power over the leadership. Therefore, perhaps the best solution is for the GOP to cease to be a national party either until it comes to its senses or is replaced by a new moderate conservative party not controlled by religious extremists.

The Resurrection of the American Dream

The caption to this post is the headline from an article in German publication Der Spiegel and it correctly captures some of what happened yesterday. Sadly, LGBT citizens are not included in the resurrected American Dream - or at least not yet. I truly hope that an Obama administration sets a new inclusive tone and in time may help change minds that still dwell on differences between people instead of our common humanity. In addition, an Obama presidency means that the likely coming vacancies on the U. S. Supreme Court will not be filled by those who would write some out of the constitution or seek the reverse the case law on the right to privacy - something which is crucial since I predict Proposition 8, if it passes, will be challenged under the U. S. Constitution. Lastly, Obama's win removes any near term likelihood of Bible Spice Palin becoming president (hopefully forever). Here are some highlights:

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Obama's tone embraces people, it doesn't exclude them. It's a tone of political romanticism. It doesn't solve problems, but it lessens the pain. Where Bush stoked fear, Obama spreads calm. The tone itself only accounts for half of his success, though. The surroundings determine whether it resonates. In the self-satisfied, successful America of the 1990s, Obama's tone would have been dismissed as too soft and too quiet. The victory over the Soviet Union had to be celebrated. America wanted to be loud.

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But in 2008 the economy is sputtering. To describe conditions in America today as "social inequality" is a blatant understatement. Almost 50 million people don't have health insurance. Around 30 million live off food stamps issued by the state.

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America has fallen silent, and Obama penetrated this silence with his message of hope and change. Conciliation, not confrontation is his message to an unsettled country. He doesn't use the word "compassion" with which German Chancellor Willy Brandt enchanted a generation. That word has lost its ring in America since George W. Bush described himself as a "compassionate conservative."

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Obama is America's offer of reconciliation after all those years of premeditated political provocation, of military action not backed by international law, of America's claim to be entitled to military pre-emptive strikes. The Bush doctrine was scrapped last night. The unilateralist stance of the Western superpower is likely to be over for now.

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As the new day dawns in Germany, America is once again dreaming the American dream. It will be a deep, soulful dream after all these restless, dreamless years of terror attacks, reports from the Baghdad front and the collapse of Wall Street. It's a dream about a world without poverty or fear, of a life full of opportunity and devoid of George W. Bush.