Ann Dearsley-Vernon: Saying Good Bye to a Legend

Ann Vernon

On December 13, 2015, Ann Dearsley-Vernon, a fixture in the local arts community died of a stroke after a night at the symphony.  Due to the holidays and family members living out of the country, her memorial service was postponed until tonight at the Chrysler Museum in Norfolk where she worked for 28 years after being hired by Walter Chrysler himself.   The arts and equality were two constants in Ann's life.  I first met her in the summer of 2006, when I first got involved in Equality Virginia's Legends Gala committee - a committee I served on for a number of years and co-chaired in 2008 (meetings used to be held in my Norfolk law office conference room). Ann was the first Legends honoree and was always an inspiration and a true lady in the most positive sense of the word.   At  the memorial service tonight, at Ann's request, any donations received were to be divided between Equality Virginia, the Chrysler Museum and Hope House, a local charity that aids individuals with disabilities to enable them to live independently to the maximum extent possible. A piece from WVEC-TV 13 looked at Ann's early ground breaking efforts in promoting equality and civil rights.  Here are highlights:

In 1960, when America was embroiled in the Civil Rights movement, Ann and a couple of friends from Greensboro Women's College walked into a Woolworth store in Greensboro, North Carolina up to the lunch counter to eat.  Ann was a graduate student in fine arts.

They noticed African-American students were not being served. Ann and her friends gave up their seats to African-American students.

This incident went down in the history books as helping to launch the sit-in movement -- a series of non-violent protests at other eateries across the South that refused to serve African-Americans. It rejuvenated Civil Rights efforts led by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"We had no idea it would be so important,"Ann said. "We thought it was the right thing to do."

Ann and her friends were yelled at and were threatened by people who were angry at what they did. Ann says someone even pressed a knife against her back. . . . She and her friends were escorted out of Woolworth by a group of African-American student-athletes from the NC A&T football team, who linked arms to protect them.

Doing what is right can be scary and can put one at risk.  Ann never seemed to show fear and she was as ardent in her support for LGBT equality as she was for civil rights in the 1960's.  I feel blessed to have known her and been counted among her friends.   The husband and I last saw her at a fund raiser event on the first Saturday in December and enjoyed her always charming company.  May I always be as fearless in doing what is right as Ann was daily.

Ann at left in 1960

Sunset at the doors of the Chrysler Museum tonight

During Papal Visit Popre Francis to Meet with "Ex-Gay" Quacks

Gays being burned alive by the Church

It took the Roman Catholic Church centuries to admit that it had been wrong in supporting slavery, and centuries again to formally admit that its treatment of Galileo was wrong.  How long will it take the Church to admit that its treatment of gays nearly 800 years was wrong?   It would seem that such an admission will not be forthcoming anytime soon as we learn that while in America on his papal visit Pope Francis will be meeting with the Catholic Church's own fraudulent "ex-gay" organization insanely called "Courage."  What Courage peddles involves anything but courage.  Lies, fraud, self-deception, self-hate, and snake oil marketeers all better describe what is being promoted.  The fact that Francis will meet with a group promoting "therapy which is condemned by every legitimate medical and mental health association in America and is  legally banned in California, New Jersey, Oregon, Illinois, and Washington, D.C., speaks volumes to the sad reality that Francis is not the reformer some like Andrew Sullivan continue to want to see him as being.  He may be better than the Nazi Pope, Benedict XVI, but on issues of human sexuality, Francis is still back in the 13th century.  Think Progress looks at the group Francis will legitimize by meeting.  Here are story highlights:

[W]hen the pope travels to Philadelphia next month to attend the World Meeting of Families, he’ll be rubbing elbows with people known for advocating a very different kind of conversion: Ex-gay therapy.

Ex-gay therapy, or attempts to change an LGBT person’s sexual orientation, has been widely discredited for being ineffective at best and destructive at worst. Some former advocates of the practice have publicly recanted and apologized for promoting it, the American Psychological Association has condemned its use, and it is legally banned in California, New Jersey, Oregon, and Washington, D.C.

Yet so-called “reparative therapy” has long enjoyed pockets of support with conservative Christian circles, and some of its backers will be present at the World Meeting of Families next month.

Courage  . . . . officially rejects the label of ex-gay ministry, claiming instead that its employees promote a lifetime of celibacy for homosexual Catholics, saying the organization “prefers to think of itself as a ‘Pro-Chastity’ ministry.”

Yet Courage has repeatedly challenged the validity of this distinction. It has invited professional ex-gay therapists to lead trainings at conferences, and the suggested reading list on the Courage’s website includes several publications promoting ex-gay therapy written by ex-gay counselors.

The group’s executive director, Rev. Paul Check, has also voiced support for more explicit forms of ex-gay therapy. . . . he does not support laws banning ex-gay therapy organizations for children, arguing that it is an “unproven assertion” that such “change” counseling “does harm to people.”

Several other Catholic leaders with connections to ex-gay therapy are also expected to give talks or lead discussions at the convening. Dr. Janet Smith, a speaker for Courage who has publicly promoted a pamphlet that advocates for the “prevention” and “treatment” of same-sex attraction in children, is scheduled to lead a breakout session at the conference. So too is Christopher West, a theologian who has positively reviewed books on “reparative ministries” and is listed on the board of references for the Restored Hope Network, an ex-gay group.

[T]he Archdiocese of Philadelphia has refused to allow a local parish to host a workshop on gender identity during Pope Francis’ visit, forcing organizers — the Catholic group New Ways Ministry — to relocate a nearby Methodist church.

Ex-gay therapy is also widely rejected by most Catholics. A 2011 poll from the Public Religion Research Institute found that an overwhelming majority of American Catholics (69 percent) don’t believe that sexual orientation can be changed, and the group is actually more supportive of same-sex marriage than any other American Christian denomination. . . . the majority of Catholics embrace LGBT people while the Church hierarchy continues to push back against acceptance — and sometimes firing people for being “publicly” gay.

My advice to gay Catholics: walk away from the Church and encourage your friends and families to do likewise.  The Episcopal Church and Evangelical Lutheran Church in America provide the same liturgical services - they are basically Catholic masses - without the corrupt Church hierarchy and the daily denigration of LGBT individuals.  That Francis will meet with "ex-gay" charlatans speaks volumes and none of it good. Being gay and remaining Catholic is like a black individual joining and participating in a pro-slavery, pro-segregation Southern Baptist Church.  It's insane.

Do Gays Have a Duty to Come Out of the Closet?

Several bloggers and columnists have suggested that gays have a duty or obligation if you will to come out of the closet.  If that is true, I admittedly failed to meet my obligation for many years and all I can plead is that growing up in the late 1950's and 1960's the climate was simply too hostile and being gay was still classified as a mental illness through most of my college years.   That said, today represents a different world - almost a different universe - from the era of my youth and college days  than and I do tend to agree with those who are chiding those still in the closet or "out" except to family and friends and co-workers.  A piece in Bloomberg.com entitled "Will Portman and the Duty to Come Out" looks at the issue. Here are excerpts:

This is why coming out is a duty: Every time a gay or lesbian person demands acceptance, they make it easier for others to do the same. We have the power to change people's political and personal attitudes toward gays simply by being present and known to be gay; we can only exercise that power if we come out.

San Francisco Supervisor Harvey Milk got this right in 1978, when he admonished his fellow gays and lesbians to come out of the closet in order to build opposition to a ballot measure that would have banned gays and lesbians from teaching in public schools: "Come out to your relatives. I know that is hard and will upset them but think how they will upset you in the voting booth."

This obligation is only stronger now that social acceptance of gays and lesbians is higher, meaning the cost of coming out has declined. And it lies particularly with those in positions of privilege and power, who have the resources to withstand negative reactions. Coming out was stressful for me like it is for most people, but let’s be real: Announcing that you’re gay in a wealthy family in a progressive suburb of Boston as you’re about to enter Harvard University is a pretty easy hand to play. I could hardly claim a hardship that would justify staying in the closet, especially with Frankie’s example before me.

Coming out may have been more daunting for Will Portman because his father was a Republican officeholder with an anti-gay voting record; or maybe he had good reasons to expect his dad to react in exactly the way he did. But while his father’s position may have made coming out harder, it also made it all the more obligatory, because of the possibility it would lead to the outcome that we saw last week. He was given an unusual opportunity to use his coming out to materially change the prospects for gay rights and gay acceptance in America, and he took it.

What the writer says is true.  That's not to say that coming out is necessarily easy.  My coming out journey was a living Hell at times and trigger two serious suicide attempts.  But I survived it and I know for a fact that since coming out I have changes some previously closed minds among clients and others.   Andrew Sullivan is a bit even more in your face with those who remain in the closet to family, friends and co-workers (and believe me, I know people in this situation):

I remember one HRC dinner back in the day when I was asked to speak. I asked people who were out to their families, friends and co-workers to put their hands up. In a well-heeled, tuxedoed, bejeweled crowd, only about a third put up their hands. I asked who were not out – and another third went up. I then said, in words I reiterate today to anyone in the closet writing checks to gay groups, “Why don’t you leave right now and come back when you’ve done something for gay rights?”  If you’re reading this, and your hand went up as in the closet, my question stands. 

Andrew has a serious point.  All I can plead is that although I failed in fulfilling my duty in the past, I am working diligently to make amends.   The boyfriend and I are 100% out 24/7 and, yes, it caused a stir when we were announced as a couple as new members to the Hampton Yacht Club.  But guess what, we made some people rethink their prejudices and there is no turning back.  I make no apologies for who I am or how the Creator made me.  Is it scary at times?  Most certainly.  But, the more of us that take this approach, the sooner we will have full equality and the sooner LGBT teens will stop feeling that ending their lives is their best alternative. 

High School Senior Comes Out as Gay to His Entire Class, Gets Standing Ovation

I will concede that there are many times that I get very depressed at the current state of LGBT rights.  Yes, huge advances have been made in some ways, but here in Virginia progress seems to have passed us by and LGBT individuals remain third or fourth class citizens.  Indeed, over the last 10 years in Virginia, the only advance has been that we can no longer be charged with a felony for consensual sex in the privacy of our own homes thanks to the 2003 ruling in Lawrence v. Texas.   But then I see something like the brave coming out of New Jersey high school senior Jacob Rudolph (see the video above) and I realize that things have indeed changed for the better.  Rudolph exhibits a courage and bravery that I could never have exhibited decades ago when I was his age.  Here's a portion of the high schooler's statement as he received his school's best actor award:

Sure I've been in a few plays and musicals, but more importantly, I've been acting every single day of my life. You see, I've been acting as someone I'm not. Most of you see me every day. You see me acting the part of 'straight' Jacob, when I am in fact LGBT. Unlike millions of other LGBT teens who have had to act every day to avoid verbal harassment and physical violence, I'm not going to do it anymore. It's time to end the hate in our society and accept the people for who they are regardless of their sex, race, orientation, or whatever else may be holding back love and friendship. So take me leave me or move me out of the way. Because I am what I am, and that's how I'm going to act from now on."

His remarks about living his life as an actor hit home with me.  I did it for 37 years and know how soul killing it is.  Kudos to Jacob Rudolph.