Former “Ex-Gay” Activist Marries A Man

At this time of year when discriminatory charities like the Salvation Army and the Union Mission are shilling for money and the self-congratulatory professional Christians likewise look to shake down the ignorant for money, it's appropriate to remember the dishonesty of these organizations and individuals.  One of the starkest lies is their claim that gays can "change" and become straight.  Their "ex-gay" programs serve two purposes: (i) to convince moron and/or political whore politicians that gays deserve no non-discrimination protections, and (ii) to shake down self-loathing, religiously brainwashed gays and their parents for lots of money.  The truth?  That no one can actually change their sexual orientation.  All they can do is lie, deceive themselves and others, and live in torment.  John Smid, who once ran Love In Action, an ex-gay ministry based in Memphis, twice tried to "turn straight" and has two failed marriages to women to prove it - Christofascist care nothing about the collateral damage done to straight spouses and children.  Finally, Smid admitted that it all was a lie.  Now, he has married and man and hopes to finally find "happily ever after.  Here are highlights from Queerty:

John Smid, who once claimed to have been “cured” of homosexuality and who worked with various “ex-gay” groups, is once again a married man. Only this time, he didn’t marry a woman. He and his partner, Larry McQueen, announced they tied the knot last weekend.

In 1980, Smid left his wife to be with guys, but he had misgivings and tried to go straight again by marrying a second woman and becoming a leading spokesman for conversion therapy. He ran Love In Action, an ex-gay ministry based in Memphis, and sat on the board of Exodus International for 11 years.

In 2011, he went ex-ex-gay, divorcing his second wife and admitting he “never met a man who experienced a change from homosexual to heterosexual.” He apologized for his past actions and launched a new ministry, Grace Rivers, which caters to the gay community.

“I believe that due to my former notoriety, my marriage will definitely have its impact,” he just told Towleroad in an interview.

He says he hopes it will encourage other self-proclaimed “ex-gays” to learn to accept who they are and lead more open and truthful lives.

“I believe it is encouraging for other former ex-gays, and maybe even those who are still trying to hold on to their ex-gay belief system,” he said. “We think our relationship reveals something very normal, not strange or deceptive gay stereotypes. We have come to realize that our marriage is very much the same as your average heterosexual marriage.”

I can say for a fact that my marriage to my husband is pretty much the same as my heterosexual marriage was on a day to day basis.  The only difference, I am not living as an actor on a stage and consumed by self-hate for my inability to "change."  Today, we will have Thanksgiving dinner with friends and one of my daughters and her family - pretty much like straight couples across the country.

Working to Protect Others from "Ex-Gay" Harm

Despite the unanimous positions of every legitimate medical and mental health association in America that "ex-gay" or "reparative therapy" doesn't work and, in fact, is harmful, the Christian right continues to market the myth that gays can "change" and become heterosexual.  To me, it is part of the incessant campaign of lies disseminated by the "godly folk" who in my experience are perhaps the most dishonest people one will ever meet.  If the lies further their theocratic agenda, then they give themselves a pass from the strictures of the Commandment against lying and bearing false witness. Anything to avoid facing the reality that their world view is based on myths and fairy tales.  Thankfully, some who have fallen victim to the "ex-gay" myth are admitting that the "ministries" are bogus and speaking out.  One such individual is Tim Rymel who once worked for the charlatan organization "Love in Action."  Think Progress looks at the message that Rymel is seeking to broadcast.  Here are excerpts:

“The religious right continues to tout, ‘We have thousands of ex-gay people,’ and they don’t exist. The thousands do not exist.”

Earlier this year, a group of former ex-gay leaders — individuals who made a career at some point in their lives promoting or administering ex-gay therapy — published an open letter decrying all forms of sexual orientation change efforts (SOCE). “It is our firm belief,” they wrote, “that it is much more productive to support, counsel, and mentor LGBT individuals to embrace who they are in order to live happy, well-adjusted lives.” The letter helped launch the National Center for Lesbian Rights’ BornPerfect campaign, which calls for more laws protecting people from the harms of reparative therapy.

Among the signatories was Tim Rymel, who at one point in his life was an evangelical Christian minister and a vocal advocate for ex-gay therapy, offering his own personal testimony to support his cause.
Rymel now identifies as gay and is working against the harms of ex-gay therapy. He details his journey of self-acceptance in a new book called Going Gay, and he spoke with ThinkProgress about what he learned along the way and what he’s now trying to teach others about homosexuality and Christianity.

He’s been writing about his journey out of ex-gay therapy to correct “20 years of silence.” He said it took that long to come to terms with what had happened — including not only coming (back) out, but also divorcing his wife and the mother of his two children. In turn, he’s mostly been hearing from others who’ve gone through a similar process. “The audience seems to be the middle aged — late 40s, early 50s — people who are saying, ‘That was my experience,’ or, ‘That’s what happened to me in the church.’”

Still though, Rymel is committed to having these important conversations with his detractors.

Perhaps the most compelling aspect of Rymel’s story is the juxtaposition he draws between his understanding of his own sexual orientation and the very different process of understanding who gay people are culturally.  . . . “When you come from that [church] environment and you step into the gay community, there is no place that you feel more insecure,” he recalled, . .

He unequivocally now says, “I feel bad about the message we gave out. We were wrong. I was wrong.” And he also wants people to know that he takes responsibility for the harm he might have perpetuated, adding, “I certainly apologize to people who have been affected by my words or what we have done in the past. I hope that they’re able to pick up and move on and pull their lives back together as we have tried to do.”

Rymel opposes any ex-gay therapy for minors: “I have no qualms about saying that’s wrong and that that needs to be stopped,” because he worries about “a parent forcing a child into something that is ultimately going to harm them.” Laws have already passed in New Jersey and California protecting young people from being enrolled in the treatment, and conservatives’ attempts to challenge those laws have failed.

“There is no such thing as ex-gay,” Rymel now asserts, but he acknowledges that beliefs don’t change so easily. He hopes that conservatives can they see themselves in his story: “I was one of you… I was as far right as you can get as a Republican, so I completely understand religious liberties, I completely understand where you’re coming from and faith and all of those things, but this doesn’t work.

I spent 37 years trying to "change" without success.  Much of those years was filled with self-hate and inner unhappiness I shared with no one.  "Ex-gay" therapy is soul killing and, given the impossibility of really changing, has the danger of convincing some that death is the only solution, hence my two suicide attempts as I tried to come to self-acceptance.  I survived the ordeal, but not everyone does, and these "ex-gay" advocates have blood on their hands in my view.