Losing A Wonderful Father-in-Law: Families of Gays

Today was a horrible day even though it started out routine and seemingly just another work day.  My father-in-law (pictured above exactly four months ago with the husband and me) had a massive stroke in mid-morning and passed away this afternoon.  By profession, my father-in-law was an Army chaplain and then a Southern Baptist pastor who attended Southeaster Theological Seminary in the days prior to the far right take over of the Southern Baptist Convention.   Knowing his background, in anticipation to our first meeting, I was a nervous wreck.  To my surprise - we met at a restaurant for a family birthday gathering - his first words to me were "welcome to the family" as he gave me a hug.  Over the next six years he continued to surprise me with his love and acceptance of me as his son's life partner.

Given my father-in-law's sometimes fragile health, my husband and I decided to get married in Washington, D.C., rather than wait for same sex marriage to become legal in Virginia.  Given the my father-in-law's death today and the U.S. Supreme Court's stay of the 4th Circuit ruling (which would  have allowed marriages to begin tomorrow), we obviously made the right decision.   My father-in-law had a great time throughout our wedding weekend and upon our return to Hampton, he teared up as we unloaded the car and said to me that I needed to know that I was "his son now and that I was always welcome in his home."   He was a kind, accepting and loving man - what a Christian is supposed to be.  I consider to be lucky to have known him and been able to call him my father-in-law. I am so happy that he was able to co-officiate our wedding, attend our family wedding reception last month and travel to his family's family reunion just two weeks ago.

Meanwhile, I cannot help but wonder how many parents in Virginia will be deprived of seeing their children marry as the U.S. Supreme Court bows and genuflects to Christofascists before it hopefully strikes down Virginia's marriage bans once and for all.  The husband and I (and his late father) were lucky.  We refused to allow religious based anti-gay animus keep us from marrying.  But others may not be able to do what we did.   No citizen - and no parent - should have to travel to another state so that loving couples can marry.   Whether the hate filled Christofascists and their minions want to admit it or not, we gays do have families (my children and grandchildren - and one son-in-law in the blue shirt - are pictured below) and with every delay of civil equality and every anti-gay lie, more and more Americans are rejecting Christianity and questioning the legitimacy of the current Supreme Court.