Sunday, May 08, 2011

A Mother's Wish: Give my Son and His Partner the Right to Marry M

I know I sound like a broken record at times when I talk about the religious based bigotry behind the bans on same sex marriage. The laws are all about punishing the wayward gays and lesbians who refuse to live their lives according to hate and fear based Christianist religious dictates. A corollary of that agenda is to dehumanize and attack the inherent worth of LGBT lives and loves. Fortunately, more and more of the younger generations seem ready and able to see the inherit unfairness of the homophobic Christianist agenda. One New York mother has a great op-ed in the New York Daily News attacking this unfairness and talking about the gift that she wants for her son. It's the same sort of mindset my own late parents demonstrated in their acceptance of my relationships with my partner, past and present. In my view, any parent who truly cares about their child - as opposed to what others might think - ought to embrace the view expressed in Iris S. Blumenthal's op-ed piece. I'd even go so far as to state that any parent who doesn't do so is placing them self and/or the prejudices of others ahead of the best interests of their child. Here are some column highlights:
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It was quite a Mother's Day gift. At long last, just as his older brother, Michael, had years earlier, my younger son, Jonathan, had found "the one." From the moment he enthusiastically introduced my husband and me to the new person in his life, I knew this was it. For months after, I witnessed their relationship blossom - watched as his eyes lit up, listened as his "I's" gave way to "We's." And like any mother, I was elated to see my son so in love and so happy.
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It's a joy and a relief that both of my sons have entered that special, slightly mysterious realm that spouses share. That deep, abiding love and commitment. That bedrock knowledge that even if everyone else does not, that one person will remain true to the end. The simple pleasure of sleeping better at night, warm and snug in the knowledge that you are not alone in this world.
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Every mother wants that for her children, to know that even when we parents are long gone, they will still be loved with every bit of fervor that we've loved them with from the moment they were born. It is a human condition, at the most basic level.
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And while I am overjoyed that both of my sons have found such happiness — and that from their happiness I have gained another son and a daughter - I can't help but feel sad to Jonathan. The right to marry is, as it happens, not a right at all. . . . He is denied the rights and protections civil marriage provides.
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Even children understand that this is unfair.
Michael and Teri's two sons, both years away from voting age, have written to their state senators for help - they want to see Uncle Jonathan and Uncle Eric get married, here in our home state of New York and in front of their friends and family. And so do I. Because what matters — the only thing that matters — is love. And that is universal. It's time that marriage was universal, too.
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This Mother's Day, I don't want another scarf. I don't want any flowers. My dear son can't give me the gift I want now — he's done all he can do.
Who would have thought that the best gift this mother could ever receive would come from the New York Legislature? It's time to pass marriage equality legislation. I've got a wedding to plan.

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