I know that there are shallow people in all walks of life and in people of every sexual orientation. However, the gay community at times seems to have an inordinate number of members who evaluate others solely based on looks and wardrobe, never seeing the inner person and their often wonderful attributes. What brings this to mind is that a good friend of mine recently had the experience of overhearing himself being trashed by what can only have been shallow, bitter queens who apparently only feel good about themselves when putting someone else down. Dishing someone else apparently helps them avoid looking at themselves and seeing all the flaws and inadequacies, not to mention lack of any positive contributions they have made to the gay community, not to mention larger society.
Meanwhile, my friend is a wonderful guy, is outspoken on gay rights and other issues, and has been an amazing help to me at some of the low points in my journey and has even offered my refuge if I needed. In addition, he has a sharp mind and a sardonic wit that never fails to make me laugh. His only shortcoming – at least in the minds of shallow bitter queen types – is that he is no longer a 20 something club boy. The reality is than NONE of us remain that way forever. Hence, there needs to be some substance behind the pretty façade which WILL fade with the passage of time.
I identify with my friend’s sense of hurt and betrayal by “family” in the way he heard himself trashed. Not having come out until age 49, in the minds of these bitchy queens types no doubt I was a “has been” before I was ever out of the gate. Often, I felt that gay life had passed me by. Yet, meanwhile, I have had experiences and gained perspectives that such empty people will likely never know. Moreover, since coming out I have truly tried to make a difference, be it through involvement in Equality Virginia, working to found HRBOR, debating against Virginia’s Marriage Amendment, or being out socially and professionally, etc. My friend has likewise boldly lived as a gay man. It is the older gays who have paved the way for the increased level of acceptance and tolerance now enjoyed by the younger generation of gays. Would that some of them would be able to grasp that fact and show some respect.
I hope that some day more in the gay community will come to value substance over a pretty face which may well “have nothing behind the eyes,” to quote another friend. I also find it very sad this type of shallow, bitchy queen type is incapable of seeing humanity in others and understanding that all of us are children of the same creator be he/she called God, Allah or whatever.
Meanwhile, my friend is a wonderful guy, is outspoken on gay rights and other issues, and has been an amazing help to me at some of the low points in my journey and has even offered my refuge if I needed. In addition, he has a sharp mind and a sardonic wit that never fails to make me laugh. His only shortcoming – at least in the minds of shallow bitter queen types – is that he is no longer a 20 something club boy. The reality is than NONE of us remain that way forever. Hence, there needs to be some substance behind the pretty façade which WILL fade with the passage of time.
I identify with my friend’s sense of hurt and betrayal by “family” in the way he heard himself trashed. Not having come out until age 49, in the minds of these bitchy queens types no doubt I was a “has been” before I was ever out of the gate. Often, I felt that gay life had passed me by. Yet, meanwhile, I have had experiences and gained perspectives that such empty people will likely never know. Moreover, since coming out I have truly tried to make a difference, be it through involvement in Equality Virginia, working to found HRBOR, debating against Virginia’s Marriage Amendment, or being out socially and professionally, etc. My friend has likewise boldly lived as a gay man. It is the older gays who have paved the way for the increased level of acceptance and tolerance now enjoyed by the younger generation of gays. Would that some of them would be able to grasp that fact and show some respect.
I hope that some day more in the gay community will come to value substance over a pretty face which may well “have nothing behind the eyes,” to quote another friend. I also find it very sad this type of shallow, bitchy queen type is incapable of seeing humanity in others and understanding that all of us are children of the same creator be he/she called God, Allah or whatever.
2 comments:
Whoa! I'm sure there are many young people who have fought for the cause, too. I do, however, agree that the stereotypical image of the "best" in the gay world revolves around looks -- and yes, good looks leave us all sooner or later. There are many in the community (although perhaps not known to you or others) who are good people (and, no, this is not a reference to the uglies with a "nice personality") and are looking for substance. It is, however, such a predominant feature of the younger generation to sow wild seed that the emphasis is placed on looks. You are right to point out the lack of substance of these people. But, stop and think for a moment. Is substance more important than the hot looks? In your own quest, what captures your attention first? I'm sure you enjoy an intelligent conversation as do we all. However, when talking about the necessary "chemistry", does intellect really take a priority? Face it, the physical is what titillates. Those who only value looks are too shallow to waste time on, but be not too hasty lest that broad brush cover your charming personality and good looks as well. How many older men have you enjoyed conversations with, but would not begin to spark a relationship because of age? You, like others, probably don't even realize it. Fortunately, you do recognize it for the mean and evil spirited banter for which it is. I bring this up because your words say one thing, but your pictures paint a different story. Have you ever posted a photo of an older man? Let's see some fair play as well as the rhetoric. There are some real prizes out there with charming imperfections who deserve to be recognized. Kind of like you -- always mentioning the fact that you came out too late. You came out when it was the right time for you. Not everyone will even be as vocal about it as you, but that doesn't mean they aren't comfortable with themselves. They just deal with it on their own terms. Older, more mature, sophistocated and deeper men have a lot to offer. I believe you're in this category. Celebrate Life -- Daily! Isn't that the motto of Norfolk? Take it a step further and celebrate yourself and those like you as well. Cheers~!
I am middle aged gay man. One of the reasons I don't come out is due to the attitude of many younger gays. They don't respect age and experience. Men are generally visual and women are generally emotional. That is the problem. They are attracted by the 10's out there and they don't realize time unfortunately will take that number down. Our media protrays everything on who's good lookings so this have become more of a general population problem as well. If these young men thought about the fact that you really have only one option as my Dad says. It's to age and grow older or it's the pine box.
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