Today is definitely one of those days when I hate being an attorney. I mean HATE it!! It was a day of constant client demands, me having to respond to a subpoena in a case where one of my clients is being sued and the plaintiff’s counsel thinks some non-existent “smoking gun” might be somewhere in my files, and dealing with nasty attitude paralegals in other law firms, etc. The list goes on and on. To top it off, I am being badgered by a friend in a business matter to take action perhaps too quickly and possibly burning bridges that I cannot afford to burn. Supposedly the pressure is out of concern for me, but in actuality I feel it is because the friend wants the deal to move forward to benefit his interests with me as an after thought at best. It is the first time we have ever had a real disagreement.
To add to my gloom, frustration, or whatever one might call it, my mom has had some medical tests done and it sounds worrisome. She has had a very unusual form of a very slow developing liver cancer for over a decade. To date she has managed pretty well. Now there is some concern that cancer may have spread to other areas such as her lungs. Hopefully, we will have more information in the near future. One more thing for me to worry about.
Meanwhile, on the romance front I wonder if I will ever find “Mr. Right.” I am not looking for a guy who wants to be “Mr. Right Now” for a few hours or who is looking for “friends with benefits.” Yet that seems to be the only type of guys that are attracted to me of late. Or guys who are around my age but look and act like they are decades older. Or guys with whom I feel no chemistry and/or that I find unattractive. Maybe it’s my fault, who knows. I don’t think I am shallow or that I only judge someone by their looks. But, if you’re not attracted, you’re not attracted. It is not something that can be forced and either exists or doesn’t exist. Plus, like Euphoric at Real Euphoria, I am not a fan of casual dating – I need to feel that there is a possible future with a guy in order to want to go out. I have no desire to go out with someone just to go out with someone. Better to do things alone. Thankfully HRBOR and other activities provide some non-dating social venues.
To add to my gloom, frustration, or whatever one might call it, my mom has had some medical tests done and it sounds worrisome. She has had a very unusual form of a very slow developing liver cancer for over a decade. To date she has managed pretty well. Now there is some concern that cancer may have spread to other areas such as her lungs. Hopefully, we will have more information in the near future. One more thing for me to worry about.
Meanwhile, on the romance front I wonder if I will ever find “Mr. Right.” I am not looking for a guy who wants to be “Mr. Right Now” for a few hours or who is looking for “friends with benefits.” Yet that seems to be the only type of guys that are attracted to me of late. Or guys who are around my age but look and act like they are decades older. Or guys with whom I feel no chemistry and/or that I find unattractive. Maybe it’s my fault, who knows. I don’t think I am shallow or that I only judge someone by their looks. But, if you’re not attracted, you’re not attracted. It is not something that can be forced and either exists or doesn’t exist. Plus, like Euphoric at Real Euphoria, I am not a fan of casual dating – I need to feel that there is a possible future with a guy in order to want to go out. I have no desire to go out with someone just to go out with someone. Better to do things alone. Thankfully HRBOR and other activities provide some non-dating social venues.
4 comments:
Michael,
It's me again (anonymous). I pray for you and your mother. May God grant her the dignity she has enjoyed throughout her life. And for you, my heart goes out. You can never be prepared, try as you may, for the inevitability that comes to each and every loved one. There's truly no one who can replace your mother. As for romance, a good man is hard to find or on the lighter side, a hard man is good to find. It will happen when you least expect it. I, for one, truly concur on the quasi relationships -- they're not worth the trouble of getting dressed for the "date". You have wonderful qualities -- let them shine. Your knight will find you. I appreciate you for the genuine person you are (albeit a bit opinionated at times. :) ). Peace.
Me opinionated?? NEVER!! :)
Michael,
First and foremost, I'll be keeping your mother in my prayers.
Secondly I don't think there's anything wrong with deciding to be single if you're not happy with the prospects out there. Like you said, you can do bad by yourself.
Hang in there.
At exactly the right time in your life, the right person will step in and sweep you of your feet! This is not destiny, but the way we create our own future. I've always believed that, and it worked for me too. Will tell you the story of hubby and myself oneday...
As for your mom, you're in my thoughts. We had a scare with my dad this December, and that is part of the reason why I've decided to accept the position in Cape Town - to be closer to home. (And obviously to spend more time with my hubby!)
I know my first bit sounds a bit 'airy fairy', but I've always believed that we have to be open to somehing in order for it to work. Just a thought, use it, don't use it...
Post a Comment