Saturday Morning Musings

Thank you to all of you who sent me "get well" wishes via comments and e-mails. I am feeling incredibly better today than was the case over the last two days. I guess plenty of sleep, tons of fluids, and a sleeping pill last night to keep me out, did the trick. I am going to run some errands - and work on a small plumbing repair - and maybe just go to the beach and veg-out after that.

I figure I can go to the office tomorrow and see what chaos and client crisis hit yesterday after I left for home. I know that there is at least one client who will need damage control, even though their problems are usually self-created by doing things at the last minute. I have a very loyal and wonderful office staff that fortunately knows when to say "NO" and not be pushed into doing things they know I wold never agree to.

I have been back at home for two days now - I had been staying with friends for a week and a half - and it is strange not having Raymond here. We have stayed in touch via phone and hopefully the time apart will let both of us figure out what's best for our respective futures. I am currently reading "The Boyfriend Within" which involves among other things looking inward to consider (A) what you really need in a boyfriend and (B) are you the kind of boyfriend that is good for others. The main message, however, is that one must be happy with themselves before they can ever be a truly good boyfriend to someone else. Material things and status do not make up for an inner unhappiness about who you are. I know that all too well from experience in the former phase of my life (i.e., my straight life phase).

I think I have made a great deal of progress on the inner happiness front. Particularly when compared to the first year or so after I came out and moved out of the family home. Those were very dark days and while, in retrospect, they were part of the necessary process of shedding one self-built image of myself, I surely would never want to be in that dark place again Now, I think I have at last reached a point where I am happy with who I am - even though I still have problems to work through such as finalizing the divorce and will there be a future with Raymond - and I can make it by taking one day at a time.

Enough thoughts for now. Off to the errands and then the beach.