Some have acted as if I blame society for what has occurred between Raymond and me. Yes, I speculated on what might have been for us - and all in the LGBT community for that matter - if society was different. But I was not playing "The Blame Game, "Playing Victim," or intending to be narcissistic in my post.
Yes, I made decisions that perhaps were wrong or might have been made differently. Hindsight is always 20/20. For the record, I have no regrets over having three amazing children, each of whom will bring gifts to the world and who strongly support gay equality. Also, due to my life in the straight world if you will, my coming out has made some individuals have to rethink their bias and bigotry in a way that would not have happened otherwise.
In my defense, I would state that, although I was a bit late in starting my efforts to make things better for the LGBT community, I have since pushed activism, publicly debated against Virginia's marriage amendment, helped form HRBOR, helped expose a fraud like "ex-gay" Michael Johnston (http://www.washingtonblade.com/2003/8-8/news/national/exgay.cfm) and other hypocrites. In fact, if more long time openly gay (that being a relative term since most still try to live "under the radar" around here) members of the gay community were as out spoken as I have been in my brief "out" career, this area would be much different than it is at present. The fact that I am probably the only attorney in a metropolitan area of 1.6 million who will publicly say the words, "yes, I am gay" tells me that I am not off playing "victim." Others are busy doing that - not me.
If I have pity or sadness for either one of us, it is Raymond, who by the standard of commentators did the right thing by never being in the closet, has always been out and proud, and paid a very heavy price for it in his younger years.
1 comment:
Hm. Perhaps I have missed something (admittedly, I tend not to read comments as my time is limited and I prefer to get to all the blogs I like) and yet...I haven't heard you blaming anyone or "playing the victim." Grieving? Of Course! Your relationship wouldn't have been what it was if it wasn't worth grieving. Sad? I would hope so. Blaming or playing the victim...I missed that part.
As for when and how you came out, we all have our own times and processes. You came out when and how fit into your process. Hooray that some people were in situations where they were able to come out younger, sooner, earlier, whatever. Theirs is not the "right" way. It is simply *their* way. Just as yours was not the "wrong" way ~ simply *your* way.
Hang in there.
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