700 Clergy and Lay Religious Leaders Support Gay Marriage in New York

Yet again a reminder has popped up that not all Christian clergy and religious leaders of other faiths are the enemies of LGBT equality and marriage equality. This time, the reminder stems from a statement sent to the New York State Senate urging the passage of the pending marriage bill that would give full marriage rights to same sex couples in New York State. The list of supporters was released by Empire State Pride Agenda and includes religious leaders from all over New York State, including the central New York area where I lived through high school. The Empire State Pride press release reads in part as follows:

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The geographic list of clergy and faith leaders in support of New York State allowing same-sex couples access to marriage includes a number of denominations including Lutheran, Episcopalian, Methodist, United Church of Christ, American Baptist, Reformed Church in America and Reform and Conservative movements of Judaism. It also includes influential leaders like Bishop Prince Singh of the Episcopal Diocese of Rochester, Bishop Robert Rimbo of the Metropolitan New York Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, and the Rev. Dr. Serene Jones, President of Union Theological Seminary.
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“This list represents a diverse group of faith traditions and congregations from all corners of our state. The leaders of these religious institutions understand the spiritual value of respecting all members of their community, including those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender,” said Empire State Pride Agenda Executive Director Alan Van Capelle.
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“These faith leaders—a number of which are not allowed to perform marriages of same-sex couples themselves because of their faith traditions—consider this to be an issue involving the rights and protections of civil marriage, not the traditions and ceremonies of a religious marriage.
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The statement itself is very simple and reads as follows: We, the undersigned, urge the New York State Legislature to protect families in New York State by extending marriage to same-sex couples. For a full list of signatories, see the Empire State Pride Agenda website. I am proud to note that among the signers are a number of representatives of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America ("ELCA").

More Monday Male Beauty

"Don't Ask, Don't Give" - Send a Message to Obama and the DNC

I - and many others in the LGBT blogger world - have been advocating for some time that members of the LGBT community stop slavishly aiding and abetting President Obama and Congressional Democrats by making money donations even as the LGBT community is being thrown once again under the bus by these people. Now, John Aravois and Joe Sudbay at AmericaBlog (with others named below) have called for a boycott of LGBT donations to the Democratic party over the failures of the Obama administration and the DNC to properly support and advocate for gay causes. In addition, they have set up a petition that will be delivered to our fair weather friends at the DNC. To date, the benefit flow has been one way - to the Democrats who take LGBT voters for granted and never deliver on their campaign promises. Sure, we may not go out and vote for Republicans, but we can certainly close our wallets and allow ourselves to play anymore as suckers. The boycott's goal? To quote John and Joe, "to help some friends - President Obama and the Democratic party - who have lost their way. We are hopeful that via this campaign, our friends will keep their promises." As part of the campaign, there is a petition that I would encourage readers to sign (I already have). It can be found here, together with some further explanation:

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President Obama promised to be a "fierce advocate" for LGBT Americans. But while making modest progress on a scant few issues, on the major campaign promises made to our community, the President and the Democratic party have failed to keep their commitments.
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Until the Democratic Congress passes, and President Obama signs, legislation enacting ENDA, repealing DADT, and repealing DOMA, we ask you to join us in pledging to postpone contributions to the Democratic National Committee, Organizing for America, and the Obama campaign. This temporary (we hope) boycott is sponsored by AMERICAblog, and cosponsored by Daily Kos, Michelangelo Signorile, and Paul Sousa, among others. This isn't forever, the Democrats have it in their power to end this today -- all it takes is choosing to keep their promise.
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To put the situation in context, AmericaBlog also quotes part of the Democratic Party 2008 Platform which seems to have been utterly forgotten by our elected officials:

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"It is not enough to look back in wonder at how far we have come; those who came before us did not strike a blow against injustice only so that we would allow injustice to fester in our time. That means removing the barriers of prejudice and misunderstanding that still exist in America." - Democratic Party Platform, 2008

The Importance of "Straight Allies" - Cindy Cutler

As the recent lost on marriage equality in Maine demonstrates, the GLBT community will never achieve full equality under the civil laws without the help of our "straight allies" who may in some cases be better able to open hearts and minds in the larger society than we in the GLBT community. This past weekend's Legends Gala honored Cindy Cutler (pictured at left), one such straight ally, who has worked tirelessly in this part of Virginia for the equality of all citizens and has shown no fear in supporting our community. At Saturday night's event, in accepting the title of 2009 Legends honoree, Cindy made some remarks which all us need to share with our families and straight friends. To quote Cindy, they need to "come out" as GLBT allies. Had more of our straight allies gone to the polls in Maine and voted "No" on Question 1, we might have seen a different result. Here are some highlights from Cindy's acceptance remarks which I post with her permission:
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As most of you know “I’ve come out… as an ally, that is.” A question I get often is why do I volunteer to support the gay, lesbian, bi and transgender community. I’m out for the friend for whatever reason can’t be out. I’m out because I have gay and lesbian friends that I value, respect and am grateful to have in my life.

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It isn’t always easy. I had my own ‘coming out’ process. As an ally, I’ve know some fears … some people may think I’m gay. How will it impact my business when friends and clients read about my support of the LGBT community? It has taken me awhile but I’ve come to realize I need to be true to my own beliefs and values. There will be those people that are surprised and may disagree with my position and I may lose business and possibly friendships. This is a risk I’ve decided I need to take.
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When I began to speak out, I realized that something so small made a difference. It started conversations. People told me they had siblings or parents or kids that were gay. They wanted to share this with me. Others at work are curious about whether my clients are in committed relationships.
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I am out in hopes that other straight people will realize they’re also needed in this process. We straight people need to speak up – We need to start conversations. You don’t need to march. You don’t need to shout a slogan. But you may be surprised by how effective small changes can be… Speak up when you hear derogatory slurs and jokes. Open dialog is essential for change.

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I want to persuade more straight allies to ‘come out’ to their friends and families as supporters of the LGBT community and challenge those beliefs that ‘this doesn’t’ affect me because I’m not gay’. I believe all people deserve to feel safe and supported. The LGBT community cannot achieve equality without support from straight allies. We need to Call, write, email and visit public policy makers and let them know as a straight person, I support the laws that extend to equal rights and protections to all people.
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I’d like to see more companies become part of the conversation and advertise and reach out to the LGBT community. For companies, it’s time to recognize the power diversity in the workplace has on their bottom line. All of us need to support LGBT owned and friendly businesses. I believe that every person deserves equal rights, respect and life free from hate, fear and discrimination. We can no longer pretend that civil rights do not include rights for lesbian, gay, bi and transgender Americans.
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Cindy is an amazing person and a wonderful friend. Would that we could multiply her many times over. I am most proud to call her a friend. She truly deserves the honor bestowed on her.

Monday Male Beauty

Bob McDonnell Attributes Win to Virginia Issues, Not National Scene

While many pundits and GOP talking heads are crowing that the GOP win in Virginia somehow represents a commentary on the Obama administration, Governor elect Bob McDonnell (at left) himself attributes his win to Virginia issues, not those on the national scene. Yes, Obama's failure to deliver on campaign promises suppressed Democrat enthusiasm and likely lowered Democrat turnout, but the main reason for the GOP victory is that the Democrats picked the worse possible candidate for governor back in the June primary. I continue to believe that Brian Moran would have been a far more inspiring candidate for the Democrats. Compounding that factor was the utterly horrendous campaign run by Deeds. Meanwhile, McDonnell had a three month start on campaigning and ran a smooth if disingenous campaign that relentlessly depicted him as a moderate. From years as a political activist it is always troubling to see how easily those who are not political/news junkies can fall for a slick but dishonest campaign. National Republicans can and will believe what they want, but Virginia should not be seen as part of a larger trend. Here are highlights from the Virginian Pilot:

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Virginia's Republican Gov.-elect Bob McDonnell, whose win last Tuesday sparked a wave of speculation about President Barack Obama's standing a year after his own historic election, attributed his victory to "Virginia issues" rather than fallout over the national agenda.
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"I ran on Virginia issues, kitchen table issues," McDonnell said "That's largely what got people to support our campaign." But he said national issues, particularly climate-change, also played to his favor with Virginia voters.
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While the governor-elect said he has not read the nearly 2,000-page health care bill the House passed late Saturday night, he voiced strong opposition to the public option and said whether the Senate approves an opt-in or opt-out version, Virginia is unlikely to participate. “Either way my preference would be not to have Virginia participate, from what I know this plan contains,” McDonnell said. “So however they structure it, if it gives flexibility to the states, that’s a good thing.”
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It is disturbing that McDonnell opposes a public option. Perhaps after Virginians get f*cked over on health care reform - which is desperately needed - by GOP ideology, Virginia will be ready to swing back to the Democrat column.

Obama and DNC Blame Everyone But Themselves for LGBT Anger

Having campaigned as a "fierce advocate" for LGBT Americans and having promised legislative action on a number of issues impacting our lives, Obama and the DNC are now in a snit and blaming others for the increasing displeasure the grassroots of the LGBT community are directing at President Obama and Congressional Democrats. They'd do better to look in a mirror and list the campaign promises that they have failed to deliver upon rather than assign blame to bloggers and others. Somehow Obama and the minions at the DNC cannot grasp that flowery speeches and promises of action someday - with no time lines, of course - are not enough for most of us. True, HRC may grovel and be happy with a few crumbs of that sort, but most of us are not, Especially those of us living in anti-gay states where our best hope of equality is through federal action. Here are some highlights from America Blog about the DNC is trying to blame anyone but themselves for the current level of LGBT anger and disgust rather than look at the many actions by the White House:

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DNC Treasurer Andy Tobias joined in the comments section last night of John's latest post about the DNC's, and White House's, growing gay problem. And he wasn't very happy.
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The post is about a leaked email from Tobias to DNC funders, in which Tobias admits that the DNC intentionally included Mainers in a mass email blitz to help NJ Governor Jon Corzine's re-election, rather than asking Mainers to help defeat ballot measure 1 which successfully repealed marriage equality for gay couples in that state. Previously, DNC officials had claimed that the emails were sent to Mainers as a "glitch."
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The DNC's Tobias, a series of 11 comments spanning into the early hours of the morning, blames John for the increasingly strained relationship between the gay community and the Democratic party: As these comments show, you are being quite effective in turning people against support of the Democrats. That, by definition, helps the Republicans
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So, John is to blame for the Obama administration's infamous DOMA brief last June comparing same-sex relationships to incest and pedophilia. Right. I remember how hard John worked on that brief. Oh, right, it wasn't John who wrote that brief. Obama's Department of Justice did, and Obama's press secretary said the President stands behind it.
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And I suppose it's John's fault that President-elect Obama invited famed homophobe Rick Warren, who was an outspoken supporter of Prop 8, to give the invocation at the inauguration. And, John also invited homophobe Donnie McClurkin, who calls himself an "ex-gay" (i.e., he's been "cured" of his homosexuality), to campaign for Obama. And, don't forget how John was responsible for removing the gay rights promises from the White House web site, which then substituted the "repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell" to "changing Don't Ask, Don't Tell in a sensible manner."
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It was also John's fault that Senator Durbin said this week that the Senate may not take up the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" next year, even though our community has been repeatedly told that early next year DADT will be repealed, as the president promised.
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And, I'm pretty sure it was John who told the White House not to mention Maine and Washington in Obama's speech to HRC a few weeks ago, even though activists begged the White House to help. And, John told the DNC not to help in Maine and Washington State (which had a domestic partners measure on the ballot). And John probably wrote the OFA email to Maine telling people to vote, but not how to vote on major gay rights and labor issues. Then, he came up with the bright idea of asking Mainers to call New Jersey, and ignore their own state, despite the importance of the marriage equality referendum in Maine.

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All we're asking is for Obama to keep his promises to the LGBT community. All we've done here at AMERICAblog is report whether or not those promises have been kept. All of you can -- and do -- draw your own conclusions as to who is to blame for the bad blood between the Democratic party and the gay community. The White House and the DNC think that we're the problem for wanting our rights and wanting Obama to simply keep his promises.

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As I and others have said repeatedly, we need to turn of the LGBT ATM machine until promises are delivered upon. It's really that simple.

2009 Legends Gala A Big Success

This years Equality Virginia Legends Gala which was held last night was a huge success. We are still waiting for the final tally of the amount raised to benefit Equality Virginia, but I believe that it will be significant. The event is run by a committee of local volunteers and while a great deal of work, I have greatly enjoyed my years on the committee. After three years of having dinners, the Legends Committee decided to do something different and opted for a formal Monte Carlo night which would allow guests to mingle more, play assorted games - e/g/. black jack, roulette, etc. - eat at food stations in several parts of the room and dance to lively music. The boyfriend and I (pictured above with husband and wife straight allies who attended) had a wonderful time and it seems so did everyone else. This year's honoree, Cindy Cutler, had some beautiful remarks and spoke on the need of straight allies of the GLBT community to "come out" and not be afraid of supporting GLBT equality and speaking out against prejudice. Cindy is an amazing straight ally and sets a wonderful example for all to see. I hope to post her comments in the near term.
Three of my fellow HRBOR board members on the left above.

As the photo below indicates, besides the gambling tables, the dance floor - which picked up on the black and white color theme- saw a lot of activity, the boyfriend and I are at center of the photo below.

Dancing with Cindy Cutler, 2009 Honoree

Sunday Male Beauty

The Closet and Harm to Straight Spouses - A Follow Up

UPDATED: For future reference, I have modified the settings on this blog so that anonymous comments will no longer be accepted. Those who lack the courage of their convictions and want to hide behind anonymity will no longer be accommodated.

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As is not all that unusual, I recently received an anonymous comment attacking me for "using others as 'proof' of straightness that does not exist" among other things. As I have stated before, anonymous personal attacks will NOT be published. Anyone who wants to attack me personally, please have the balls to identify yourself and not hide behind anonymity. The attack, however, does raise and issue that I want to address that I believe is relevant particularly in older gays who came of age when homosexuality was still classified as a form of mental illness and before the Internet and other modern communication means provided a way to anonymously contacting others.

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In response to the commenter's assumption that I knew I was gay when I married, the answer is probably not. I say probably not since I had never knowingly been around anyone gay and I had no means of talking to anyone about the issue. In fact, I lived my life not knowing if my attractions to other males was unique to me (was I some lone freak?) or was it something others felt too, yet which did not make them gay. Given my religious upbringing that said gays were going straight to Hell, I certainly did not want to be gay. In fact, I never, ever admitted it to myself until many, many years later after an unplanned event forced me to face the reality.

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From others that I have spoken with who came out later in life after being married, I do not believe what I experienced was unique. Being gay was something seen as so horrible that I and others just convinced ourselves that we were straight and did everything in my/our power to prove it to ourselves. Getting married was obviously part of proving that one was not gay. But so was trying to push away same sex thoughts and many other exercises in denial. I - like I believe many others it seems - finally hit a point/had an experience that made the in retrospect artificial world I had created in my mind collapse. It's not that I wanted it to, but rather it simply did. And I was left in a very self-loathing and emotionally unhinged state. It took lots of therapy to get over issues of religious guilt about being gay. And it took even more years and more therapy to come to a point of accepting myself for who and what I was.

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In sum, I do not believe that I deliberately and intentionally forced anyone to live a lie. As for the commenter, if the prospect of gays marrying straight is upsetting, I recommend that the commenter start working for gay marriage in their home state and speaking out against anti-gay prejudice. An end to homophobia and the possibility of gays being able to marry would do much to avoid situations like the one I found myself in growing up. *