Why California - And All States - Must Ban Reparative Therapy

As the title of this blog indicates, I came out in mid-life after literally decades of self-loathing, self-hate and in many ways a yearning to die since death is the only way one ceases to be gay.  Indeed, along my journey toward self-acceptance and coming to terms with my sexual orientation and all the upheaval and pain that involved I tried to take my own life twice and ended up hospitalized on two occasions.  What causes so much pain and misery?  The short answer is religion.  The longer answer is the pernicious myth perpetrated by the Christian Right and now the Roman Catholic Church that gays can "change" and that being gay is a "choice" and that if one tries hard enough, one can be "normal" and straight.  It's all a lie motivated by bigotry, political calculation, and the money to be made by preying on tortured gays and their families.  This myth best symbolized by so-call reparative therapy which has been condemned by every legitimate medical and mental health association in the country.  Sadly, only California is seeking to restrict reparative therapy and even that legislation is woefully watered down and would only truly protect those under the age of 18.  An op-ed in The Advocate that hit a nerve with me and in many ways describes the closeted portion of my life makes the case for banning reparative therapy.  Here are some highlights: 

I’ve known since I was 13 that I was attracted to men, but I buried these feelings after becoming a born-again Christian at 19. For the many years that followed, I lived a faithful straight life – getting married to a wonderful woman, having two beautiful children, and immersing myself in my church.

But, I was fighting a slow, losing battle with my sexual orientation. I was always faithful in my marriage, but I was not able to validate myself for who I really was. In mid-life, as my depression deepened, I turned to a dangerous form of “therapy” that offered to make me straight, but only made me sink deeper into depression and shame. At my lowest point, I considered taking my own life, blaming myself when this “therapy” did not work.

My story is far from unique, and in sharing it I hope to spare others – especially younger people – from the harm caused by so-called “reparative therapy” or "conversion therapy,” which is based on the false belief that being lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender can be "cured" or “controlled.” Part of this idea is that you can “pray your way” out of being gay.

Calif. Senator Ted Lieu recently introduced a bill – which passed the full Senate on May 30 and will soon move before the full Assembly – that would prohibit mental health practitioners from subjecting young people to any practices to try to change their sexual orientation. I testified in support of the bill, in hopes that my story would show legislators the terrible harm these practices can cause.

In many church communities in large cities and small towns, teenage youth are still being coerced into these harmful practices by well-meaning parents who love their children, but wrongly believe that being LGBT means their child cannot have a happy, productive life. These “reparative therapists” falsely claim they can “reprogram” a young person away from growing up to be LGBT. These are ill-advised, ineffective, and dangerous practices. It is wrong to put this pressure on a young person, who is being “counseled” that such a core aspect of his or her identity is unacceptable and can be changed.

That’s why I have to speak out. These practices amount to medical abuse, attempting to fix a God-given part of who some of us are.  .  .  .  .   Each week, my depression and shame worsened as there was no change in my core orientation, and my therapist offered no other way out, leaving me feeling like a failure.

Completely discouraged, and contemplating taking my own life, I moved on to another therapist for help. Slowly, my new therapist helped me accept myself as a gay man, and helped me free myself to live an emotionally, spiritually, and physically integrated life.

We must all be celebrated for who we were created to be, and I pray that our youth will not be exposed to the disheartening, potentially devastating idea that their sexual orientation can be changed.

I hope the California legislation becomes law.  The bigger question is one of when will Virginia and other states likewise move to ban this insidious and potentially deadly "therapy"?  Given the Virginia GOP's willing prostitution of itself to the hate merchants at The Family Foundation who support reparative therapy, the answer in Virginia is no time soon.  One can only wonder how many suicides will result until this needed ban is implemented.