A Tribute to My Sister On Easter

The boyfriend and I started the day by going to church at First Lutheran Church in Norfolk before we headed to Hampton for dinner with his parents and visiting relatives. It is a bitter sweet Easter - it is the 8th anniversary of the death of one of my sisters. Her name led the list in the prayers for those who have died during the beautiful church service this morning. My sister was a smart, talented, and a good soul who tried to live her life as she thought others expected. All too often she sacrificed herself for the expectations of others. She was a wonderful mother to her two children who are an amazing testiment to her. Losing her - in the midst of the first real vacation I had taken in 13 years at the time - had a profound impact on me. I still can see the spectacular sunset over the Outer Banks the evening she died followed by a star filled night sky. In many ways her death helped set the stage for my ultimate decision to face who I really was and to come out out of the closet. In the final analysis, I decided I could not live the rest of my life as someone playing a role that wasn't really me.

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A lot has happened in the intervening 8 years, including me coming out about six months after my sister's death to my former wife, me moving out of the house and struggling to come to terms with myself as a gay man, a hellish divorce with a serious suicide attempt in the midst of it, a failed relationship with my ex-partner, and the beginning of a wonderful committed relationship with the boyfriend who I believe truly is "the one." Through it all I have thought of my sister often - sometimes spontaneously moved to tears as during the church service today. She never got to know the real me, although I believe that she would have embraced like all the other members of my family have done, including my father who I lost in 2006. She will be in my heart forever.