Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Thoughts on A Desired Relationship

With the Holidays and end of the year upon us, I have been thinking a lot about past relationships and a longed for relationship of the future. I have also been re-reading some favorite books that look at same sex-relationships. While the books were written over 30 years ago and are fictional even though based on true events and people in history, the author was by all accounts lesbian and obviously had insights into such relationships. These books which I first read over 25 years ago struck me at the time because they looked at male to male emotional and physical love. The author, Mary Renault at times described thoughts and feelings I have had towards guys both while growing up and since, but never dared to express to anyone until I came out approximately 20 years later.

The books are The Last of the Wine, Fire From Heaven and The Persian Boy. The first is set in Athens in the last years of the Peloponnesian War and involves two young men of aristocratic back grounds who become lovers. The other two follow Alexander the Great’s life and his relationships with Hephaistion, the love of Alexander’s life, and Baogos, the former eunuch and bed boy of King Darius who also becomes one of Alexander’s lovers. As in real life, the characters have squabbles and jealousies, but throughout there is an utter commitment to the loved one that prevails over all else.

While nothing is perfect in life, one can surely yearn for the good and the beautiful in a lover. At the time I was making the decision that I could not go back in the closet and would have to end my marriage, I always thought of the relationship I wanted to find: a guy who could be my lover, companion, and soul mate. Someone with whom I would never need a glass wall to keep them from getting to close to my inner thoughts and being. I came close to finding it with my ex b/f, but circumstances and our respective baggage and issues doomed us. Perhaps I am too much of a romantic, but I do so want such a relationship. Maybe I will find him in 2008.
I hope I haven’t made any of you want to puke over my sentimental and romantic ideas.


Java said...

"I hope I haven’t made any of you want to puke over my sentimental and romantic ideas."
Quite the contrary, dear. That is the highest and most noble goal for a relationship- to be joined together not only in body, not just by convenience or shared experience, but to be joined in the depths of the soul.

Anonymous said...

How wonderful. You're a Romantic. Nice quality to find in a man. I just hope you don't overlook him, whoever he is, by creating too many "must have" qualities. Every man has his baggage and his faults. It's not about having everything perfect, but rather finding that one truly special someone for whom you don't mind making a few exceptions and overlooking a thing or two. There are many who would think they've died and gone to heaven just to spend a few moments with you. I should know. I'm one. Just sign me -- anonymous, again. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Michael-in-Norfolk said...


You - whoever you are - will swell my head with comments like this!! I think you are vastly over rating me. Last I looked, there was no line formed at the door of those wanting me.

Seriously, I do not think I am creating to many "must have qualities." I do have certain criteria that I believe are mandatory. Besides the obvious need for mutual chemistry, one "must have" quality is the ability to trust. Another is sufficient self-confidence that he does not always needlessly feel insecure and worry about me "finding someone better." The two are inter-related, obviously, but without these two qualities, a relationship is doomed. The lack of these qualities certainly doomed my last relationship.

Michelle said...

I'd never want to puke over sentimental and romantic ideas. I love them!

I saw a movie once where one of the characters said that the way to tell if you have found someone for you is if you know all their faults but love them anyway.

I think the relationship you describe is out there for each of us - I can only hope that we don't miss it if it comes along!