Sunday, September 30, 2007

Sunday Morning Musings

Well, the new roomies have started moving in – they are a young gay couple. One never knows how living with others will work out, but initial impressions are that they seem nice, very neat and organized, and should be interesting to have around. One is a local and his partner is from outside the area and has some interesting tales from having worked on a cruise ship in the past. The cat has already decided that he likes them – Bela thinks he rules the house – and is overwhelming them with affection. Meanwhile Bandit, the Chihuahua, is still in the process of figuring out that they will be living at the house.

I am at the office today working to complete narratives of a series of real estate investment “how to” articles and numerous real estate forms. My business partner in my title insurance agency is building a complex website for real estate investors which, among other things, will allow people to buy forms and articles online. Hopefully, in time it will drive business to my law firm and also make some money for me from the online form sales. My partner has spent a ton of money have the website developed, so it will be a while before returns trickle down to me. I am also working up a pre-paid legal plan for real estate investors which will provide free consultation, discounted fees, etc., in return for a sign up fee and monthly membership fee. In today’s depressed real estate market, doing business the same old way is not going to cut it.

I still have received no communications from my two older children. My son turned 22 on the 26th – the anniversary of my dad’s death – and I sent a card, but nothing back from him. Likewise, no further word on the divorce and where it’s headed three weeks later. It seems like the ordeal will never end at times. So, all I can do is take each day at a time and focus on living in the present and not over stressing about that which I cannot control.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Michael,
I've been wanting to write to you for several day ever since I read the last paragraph of this post. As a father, I know it is difficult when a son chooses to isolate himself for whatever reason. At 22, there are so many things that are in a state of flux. I do not want to provide an excuse for him not contacting you, but I can let you know that your love for him continues despite it. Perhaps it is too much for him to comprehend and put into perspective at this point. He's just figuring out his own life and the revelation that his parents aren't a couple is difficult enough. At 22, he might not even know how to accept you for fear that in someway it defines him -- and, as we all know at 22, we don't even know how to define ourselves. Still, I'm sure that, for you, the pain of the absence is troublesome and the silence is deafening. My own mother has often said that although she loved her children equally, she had to love me from far away. As much as I choke up and almost cry each time I think of this, I have come to see it as the actual truth. In mid-life, somehow it seems easier to accept. You had a precious, albeit short, time with your father before he passed so that you knew he loved you no matter what. This could be the promise of the future with your son that has yet to come true. One day, you son will simply look at you and say, I might never understand, but I accept and will always love you. Men (regardless of their orientation) do have difficulty expressing such deep sentiment. I pray for you that you are comforted in knowing your son is growing and learning about himself and the world and that although you might be ready, he's not quite there just yet. We met once. I gave you a hug because you are kind, generous and understanding. If I could wish anything for you, I would wish that you would stop for a moment, reflect on years gone by and remember the wonder in his eyes and the awe that was reflected in them, too, as he looked up and met your eyes, the eyes of the greatest hero he would ever know: his Dad. That was a meaningful look and the one you should remember at times like this. One day, you will see it again. Children, like butterflies, are best set free to discover, make mistakes (yes, even with us), and experience the world. It is truly when they come back that we are comforted in the realization that they really do love us. Peace.

Michael-in-Norfolk said...

I am not sure who you are, but thank you for the kind words and advice. I hope that your prediction is accurate.

Anonymous said...

If it matters, I'll tell you who I am, but you have so much -- as do I -- on the plate that I'm thinking it's more of a trivial matter. Fathers and sons -- wow, even on a good day, that's a topic that could go on forever. As a son, I always looked for approval and acceptance. As a man, I grew to accept and approve of myself. As a father, I find myself wanting the same from my sons. It is important for me to celebrate and mourn every occasion -- happy or sad. Today is a day of remembrance for me. It marks the death of a young man who passed away very unexpectedly in his early thirties. Although he was not my child, he was so close that he felt like one of my children. We had some fun times and some not so fun times. Being in the parental role doesn't always make you popular. By 30, he had grown into a very caring and giving person, yet still quite adventuruous and daring. He always liked to surprise everyone -- jumping out of airplanes or driving jeeps in the mud (and into the lake or rolling them over). I suppose it was most fitting that he died young, in his sleep from a heart related condition. No one expected it, neither did he. We never got to the conversation point, but we did come to an understanding and acceptance point. I didn't understand it at first, but as time has passed and I have learned to understand and accept him for the young man he was, it has gotten a lot clearer for me. As you have learned over time (and as is reflected in your blogs), change is best when it comes from within and when it begins with ourselves. It would be nice for you to write some blogs on being gay from the father perspective one day. We are a breed of our own, I think. There is definitely a need for that kind of perspective to be highlighted. Especially in Virginia. I'd say it is quite conservative in the commonwealth, if it weren't for the fact most are still living in the dark ages with regard to most everything. Just because it is not apparent on the surface, it doesn't mean there aren't fathers who are gay. Quite the contrary, there are so many who are looking for a way to be accepted as a good father while expressing themselves as a man who is attracted to men.