It has been nine years since the day I started the coming process by telling my former wife that I was gay. It has been a long and very bumpy ride since then. The good news is that I am largely at the place I imagined and envisioned in my mind's eye that I wanted to achieve when I started the journey. I am in a relationship with a most wonderful guy who truly loves me and I am more or less totally out and no longer feel the need to hide or apologize to anyone. It does get better as the celebrities shown above are stating.*
Yes, coming out cost me my position with a large law firm and thousands and thousands of dollars in lost assets. But, I my soul is finally free. And I have my own law firm - something which enables me to be an activist and seek to make a difference. I need answer to no one - well, other than the boyfriend, a/k/a "Martha Stewart." Through this blog I have heard from many others starting the coming out journey I embarked upon nine years ago - one guy contacted me just last week for advice - as well as from others who have made the transition to a different life successfully. It saddens me greatly to know that a number of gay teens will never know the freedom I have found because they chose to end their lives - something I admittedly attempted myself in the past.
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Some readers have confided that they'd rather remain closeted as opposed to losing possessions and facing possible social disapproval. Obviously, each of us has to make their own decision. In retrospect, I am glad I came out despite the financial and emotional hardship that was involved along the way. I may have lost "things" but I freed my soul and found self-acceptance. Also, I honestly believe I'd be dead now if I had not made the decision to come out. I simply do not believe that I could have continued to live in the closet consumed with self-loathing. The Washington Post has a piece on coming out at work - something that remains dangerous in most states where gays can be fired at will for being gay. Here are some highlights:
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Adrian Colborn favors the show-up-and-share approach to coming out with co- workers.
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So for National Coming Out Day, on Monday (Oct. 11), Colborn said gay workers should consider how coming out can strengthen their leadership and build trust with colleagues. "There's no right or wrong answer. People need to observe their own workplace and trust their own intuition," said Colborn, 47. He suggests that gay workers should consider whether they're overly cautious or have observed something or someone that requires them to hide their sexual orientation at work.
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While three-quarters of gays are open with siblings and two-thirds are out with parents, only half consider themselves open about their sexual orientation with their boss, according to a new survey conducted by Harris Interactive.
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[I]t's still legal to fire some for being gay in more than half of states, including Virginia. He said it makes sense to come out first to a smaller group you trust. "The more you come out, the more it provides you strength," said Combs, who first came out to one person at IBM in 1987.
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Considering coming out more at work? Here are three tips:
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1. Check employee policies and handbooks to see if there are any protections offered or a nondiscrimination statement that covers sexual orientation.
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2. Find a network of other lesbian and gay staffers to guide you. And develop a mentor -- "a straight ally," as Adrian Colborn calls them. Discuss risks and potential repercussions as well as rewards of being openly gay.
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3. Read up on coming out . . .
Adrian Colborn favors the show-up-and-share approach to coming out with co- workers.
*
So for National Coming Out Day, on Monday (Oct. 11), Colborn said gay workers should consider how coming out can strengthen their leadership and build trust with colleagues. "There's no right or wrong answer. People need to observe their own workplace and trust their own intuition," said Colborn, 47. He suggests that gay workers should consider whether they're overly cautious or have observed something or someone that requires them to hide their sexual orientation at work.
*
While three-quarters of gays are open with siblings and two-thirds are out with parents, only half consider themselves open about their sexual orientation with their boss, according to a new survey conducted by Harris Interactive.
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[I]t's still legal to fire some for being gay in more than half of states, including Virginia. He said it makes sense to come out first to a smaller group you trust. "The more you come out, the more it provides you strength," said Combs, who first came out to one person at IBM in 1987.
*
Considering coming out more at work? Here are three tips:
*
1. Check employee policies and handbooks to see if there are any protections offered or a nondiscrimination statement that covers sexual orientation.
*
2. Find a network of other lesbian and gay staffers to guide you. And develop a mentor -- "a straight ally," as Adrian Colborn calls them. Discuss risks and potential repercussions as well as rewards of being openly gay.
*
3. Read up on coming out . . .
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