I and many others have written of late about Christianists and others, including politicians like Barack Obama who allow anti-gay laws to be enforced, who by their actions (or inaction) send a continuous message to bigots that anti-gay hate is not only OK, but perhaps even the righteous thing to do. This message not surprisingly leads to anti-gay violence on the part of bigots and self-hate and even suicide on the part of L GBT individuals who hear the constant denigration. Truthfully, it sickens me and leaves me dumbfounded as to how people can be so cruel to their fellow man simply because they are different or "other." Such is even more the case as science and mental health knowledge has demolished the "homosexuality is a choice" myth - at least outside of the Kool-Aid drinking religious zealots and those who choose to remain ignorant by choice. *
Two columns do a remarkable job in taking to task those who continue to flame homophobia and give a wink and a nod to anti-gay discrimination and violence. The first is from The Missoulian on the eve of the 12th anniversary of Matthew Shepard's murder.The second is a piece by David Mixner. As a parent, the last part of the highlights from the Missoulian hit home forcefully. Would that more parents and more religious leaders understand the harm and violence they do to their children and/or other citizens. First, highlights from the Missoulian:
*
It's fair to say that more than one gay teenager has committed suicide in recent weeks after being harassed and bullied by peers. Like Tyler Clementi, whose death has been well-publicized, they finally succumbed to a hopelessness most parents cannot imagine. How can despair claim so young a life, we wonder. And how can some kids be so cruel?
*
And so we ask: Where do kids ever get the idea that it's all right to harass and bully homosexuals? Let us count the ways.
*
The U.S. government continues to enforce a "don't ask, don't tell" policy against gay and lesbian members of our military. They must keep quiet about their sexual orientation or risk being discharged - no matter how nobly or bravely they have served our country.
*
One state after another passes laws to codify second-class citizenship for gay and lesbian Americans by preventing them from marrying or entering into civil unions. Recently, Florida tried to prevent gay couples from adopting, too.
*
Religious leaders and conservative columnists preach the gospel of hate, declaring homosexuality a perversion in God's eyes and a danger to innocent children.
*
So no, we cannot be shocked. We are, however, in deep denial. America continues to sanctify the bigotry that empowers the bullies. And when the bullies go too far, children die.
*
No matter what your comfort level is with their sexual orientation, no matter what you've said to them in the past, they need you now. "When families go from never discussing this to saying ‘I love you and want to understand,' they are opening the door to hope," Ryan says. "One conversation can change how they feel about themselves, because they'll know they're not alone."
*
She recalled the story of one father who struggled mightily with his teenage son's homosexuality - until his boy nearly died from alcohol poisoning. "He was carrying his son into the emergency room. His son was sobbing and said, ‘Papa, I'm so sorry to disappoint you. I just want to be normal. I want to be like the other kids.' " "His father's heart split open that night," she said. And that changed his son's life.*
*
Reading that last portion literally makes me tear up. I was lucky - when I came out my parents accepted me fully. Even my generally difficult and not always overly loving dad. Would that EVERY parent could/would do so. David Mixner continues the message with these highlights:
*
Over the last month, hate seems to be in the air. The news is filled with acts of violence directed toward LGBT citizens around the world. Everywhere we look we can see hate toward homosexuals pouring out of the woodwork. Suicides, torture, riots, fire bombings and beating all have taken place within weeks. We have witnessed an epidemic of our young killing themselves, mobs roaming the streets of Belgrade, Serbia chanting "death to homosexuals" and the unspeakable torture of three members of our community in the Bronx.
*
Bullies feel free to push students to their death. Politicians use the results as a political football or, even worse, remain silent. Commentators, in a rush for higher ratings, escalate their rhetoric to extreme levels of hate without regard to the consequences.
*
There is no question that some of what drives such open and unrestricted hate is that the closer to freedom the LGBT movement comes the more the haters will come out of the their closets. . . . even more important is that the haters have been given permission to hate. Anytime a candidate distinguishes us from the rest of America they are saying to other Americans we are different from the normal rules of civilized behavior. When elected officials say "marriage is between a man and a woman" they are sending a signal that full equality is wrong and should not happen. In a vacuum it seems like a harmless statement but in the context of an epic struggle for freedom, those words take on real power and give people permission to hate.
*
When elected officials look the other way or remain silent those less in the know feel their hate is justified. . . . . Those who duck and weave politically to avoid standing by our side are giving permission to those whose hate against LGBT people is simmering under the surface. Many actually might believe that people will approve of their brutality. After all, even the most respected leaders don't believe we should have the same rights as other people. They preach tolerance but their actions and silence fuel the flames of intolerance.
*
The time for compromise has long passed. You are either with us or against us. Our leaders must chose now and act accordingly both in words and in deeds.
*
It's fair to say that more than one gay teenager has committed suicide in recent weeks after being harassed and bullied by peers. Like Tyler Clementi, whose death has been well-publicized, they finally succumbed to a hopelessness most parents cannot imagine. How can despair claim so young a life, we wonder. And how can some kids be so cruel?
*
And so we ask: Where do kids ever get the idea that it's all right to harass and bully homosexuals? Let us count the ways.
*
The U.S. government continues to enforce a "don't ask, don't tell" policy against gay and lesbian members of our military. They must keep quiet about their sexual orientation or risk being discharged - no matter how nobly or bravely they have served our country.
*
One state after another passes laws to codify second-class citizenship for gay and lesbian Americans by preventing them from marrying or entering into civil unions. Recently, Florida tried to prevent gay couples from adopting, too.
*
Religious leaders and conservative columnists preach the gospel of hate, declaring homosexuality a perversion in God's eyes and a danger to innocent children.
*
So no, we cannot be shocked. We are, however, in deep denial. America continues to sanctify the bigotry that empowers the bullies. And when the bullies go too far, children die.
*
No matter what your comfort level is with their sexual orientation, no matter what you've said to them in the past, they need you now. "When families go from never discussing this to saying ‘I love you and want to understand,' they are opening the door to hope," Ryan says. "One conversation can change how they feel about themselves, because they'll know they're not alone."
*
She recalled the story of one father who struggled mightily with his teenage son's homosexuality - until his boy nearly died from alcohol poisoning. "He was carrying his son into the emergency room. His son was sobbing and said, ‘Papa, I'm so sorry to disappoint you. I just want to be normal. I want to be like the other kids.' " "His father's heart split open that night," she said. And that changed his son's life.*
*
Reading that last portion literally makes me tear up. I was lucky - when I came out my parents accepted me fully. Even my generally difficult and not always overly loving dad. Would that EVERY parent could/would do so. David Mixner continues the message with these highlights:
*
Over the last month, hate seems to be in the air. The news is filled with acts of violence directed toward LGBT citizens around the world. Everywhere we look we can see hate toward homosexuals pouring out of the woodwork. Suicides, torture, riots, fire bombings and beating all have taken place within weeks. We have witnessed an epidemic of our young killing themselves, mobs roaming the streets of Belgrade, Serbia chanting "death to homosexuals" and the unspeakable torture of three members of our community in the Bronx.
*
Bullies feel free to push students to their death. Politicians use the results as a political football or, even worse, remain silent. Commentators, in a rush for higher ratings, escalate their rhetoric to extreme levels of hate without regard to the consequences.
*
There is no question that some of what drives such open and unrestricted hate is that the closer to freedom the LGBT movement comes the more the haters will come out of the their closets. . . . even more important is that the haters have been given permission to hate. Anytime a candidate distinguishes us from the rest of America they are saying to other Americans we are different from the normal rules of civilized behavior. When elected officials say "marriage is between a man and a woman" they are sending a signal that full equality is wrong and should not happen. In a vacuum it seems like a harmless statement but in the context of an epic struggle for freedom, those words take on real power and give people permission to hate.
*
When elected officials look the other way or remain silent those less in the know feel their hate is justified. . . . . Those who duck and weave politically to avoid standing by our side are giving permission to those whose hate against LGBT people is simmering under the surface. Many actually might believe that people will approve of their brutality. After all, even the most respected leaders don't believe we should have the same rights as other people. They preach tolerance but their actions and silence fuel the flames of intolerance.
*
The time for compromise has long passed. You are either with us or against us. Our leaders must chose now and act accordingly both in words and in deeds.
*
I cannot say it any better. I can ask, however, this question: President Obama, are you listening? So far, apparently not.
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