Gay Mormon Comes Out, Is Excommunicated and Ends Up Commiting Suicide

Stories like this one out of North Carolina about a married 40 year old who finally came out only to ultimately commit suicide disturb me greatly. Not that it's beyond my comprehension as to why one coming out later in life might not reach a point where suicide seems the best option. Particularly when a straight spouse goes out of their way to drive a wedge between the gay spouse and the couple's children.

As long time readers know, during my coming out journey I experienced two serious suicide attempts that put me in the hospital - in one instance for several days. Still, this sad story underscores the responsibility of anti-gay religious denominations in maintaining an atmosphere where the denigration and stigmatizing of LGBT individuals in still socially acceptable. The consequences are indeed deadly. This sad story also reveals the role non-accepting straight spouses can play in pushing their gay spouse towards suicide. Pride in Utah has details on the sad - and needless - death of Bryan Michael Egnew. Here are some highlights:

40 year old Bryan Michael Egnew spent the last decades of his life building up the courage to come out to his family and Mormon church. Once he did his life, family and religion were stripped away from him, and he committed suicide within a matter of weeks.

Growing up in the Mormon (aka LDS) Church as a gay man isn’t easy. The pain and guilt pile-on as for years you are hammered with lessons telling you that unless you live a perfect heterosexual life, marry in a Mormon Temple, and follow the Church’s laws perfectly, you run the risk of never seeing your family again after death. It’s a deep hole that many never escape from.

[L]ast month, Bryan found that courage and came out to his family and his church. The results were tragic. According to Curran, his wife Amy immediately packed up their children and drove them out of state to Tennessee, refusing to let Bryan see them. His parents and family withdrew, and his Church immediately excommunicated him because he refused to denounce his sexual orientation.

[D]espite the thousands of reported suicides among LGBT Mormons the Mormon high-leadership still refuse to put into place any official guidelines or provide training to local leaders on what to do when a person chooses to be honest about themselves. The result is the long trail of suicides of individuals who were left to face the wrath of local prejudices.

Bryan Egnew’s case is made worse by the fact that his family has tried to suppress and hide what happened and who Bryan was since the suicide on September 10th, 2011. His obituary made no reference to the fact that he was gay or the horror that his Church put him through in the last weeks of his life. His Facebook page was scrubbed of any mention of the truth and family members blocked anyone who might tell Bryan’s story.

How long will the Mormon Church continue to let their members die before they decide that LGBT people are worth being treated as equals?

While I grew up Roman Catholic as opposed to Mormon, the Catholic Church hierarchy isn't much better that the Mormon Church when it comes to anti-gay bigotry. And frankly, I cannot help but wonder what Egnew's former wife is thinking now. When she deserted her husband, was she thinking about him or merely about herself? And is she happy that her children now have a significantly higher risk of suicide now that Egnew committed suicide? When is the ignorance and bigotry going to end?