Surrounded by People But All Alone

A number of regular readers have commented on the fact that I have not done any posts about my personal life of late. I guess I haven’t done so for a couple of reasons, but principally because I have been in a somewhat down mode of late. The post title describes how I often feel at times. I’m one of Obama’s “bitter” voters, except I have not clung to guns and God. Instead, I have thrown myself into activism efforts which at times overlap with marketing legal services to the LGBT community.
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On the activism front, I do keep busy between HRBOR, and now the effort to launch a LGBT community center. These efforts have vastly expanded my social net work and, more importantly, they allow me to try to make a difference. I truly want to do all that I can so that future generations of gays can have a better life and not suffer what I endured for so many years. Another lifeline is this blog and the wonderful readers and bloggers I have come to know. Their e-mails, comments and telephone calls make a huge difference in my life and provide happiness, humor and friendship. Unfortunately, all of them are located hundreds of miles away from this area.
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Another very positive front is my children. Yesterday my oldest daughter (the blonde in the photo) called to give me an update on her efforts to get a permanent counseling position (she has been working as a long term substitute at a high school). She believes that she has a good shot at a local high school which is pretty progressive – it has a GSA – and has a student oriented outlook (a refreshing concept in public education). My son has not sent any more e-mails or uploaded any more photos as yet, but did leave a phone message for his older sister the other day reporting that he was alive and well. My youngest daughter (the brunette) continues to be a joy and a worry. She will be in town the weekend of the 26th and we plan to get together. I am so happy that my relationship with them is back on a good level. There have been times during my dark days in the past when they are the only thing that has kept me going and prevented me from ending it all. I hope they know how much I love them.
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The biggest downer is the financial stress from a dead real estate market - even investor work has slowed markedly - which has made it essential for the law firm to bring in more work of other varieties. While making significant inroads with the LGBT market, I continue to be amazed at the number of gays who have their work done by local firms which would NEVER consent to having an openly gay partner and would force an openly gay partner out of the firm (been there, done that). Oh yes, these firms disingenuously sign the required non-discrimination forms of Virginia’s top law schools that bar firms from interviewing on campus if they discrimination against gays in hiring. Meanwhile, the few closeted gays at large local firms – I know a couple of attorneys at a prominent firm that has interviewed at UVA for decades always signing the statement - live in utter terror of having their sexual orientation discovered. Why do gays continue to subsidize such firms?
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Then there’s the dating front desert – I feel like I am stranded in the middle of the Sahara. Friends tell me I’m wonderful and a great catch yet there’s no line at the front door. Some say I intimidate people – I’m not sure why, since I consider myself pretty laid back except on certain political issues and my opposition to the Christianist agenda. Others say or imply that I am too “out” and that the vast multiple of quasi-closeted guys in this area would be afraid of being linked to me romantically. With no employment non-discrimination protections in Virginia these guys do have reason to worry. Nonetheless, I have no desire to climb into someone else’s closet after what I have gone through to get to the self-acceptance level I have achieved. Then, of course, there is the issue of not wanting to merely settle for someone less than what I truly want/need.
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I hope this update satisfies inquiring minds. :)