Mark Morford: Homophobes Need (Gay) Love Too

Mark Morford, a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle, writes some great columns which while poking fun and those who deserve derision also hit upon many kernels of truth. In a column that reflects on the University of Rochester study that not surprisingly concluded that many extreme homophobes are actually self-loathing closet cases who secretly, whether consciously or not, yearn for the very same gay sex about which they shriek condemnation so often. Interestingly, Morford seems to get the same read on Rick Santorum as I do - the guy's a closet case and all those children are a manifestation of Santorum's quest for self-denial. One of the things I did during my 37 years in the closet was to throw myself into Catholicism in the hope that it would make the gay go away. Of course, it doesn't - a fact that Santorum and those like him will perhaps someday acknowledge. Morford also notes the harm done individuals raised in homophobic and often unloving Christianist homes. Here are some column highlights:

And then came the headline that surprised exactly no one and delighted a great many, even as it openly terrified countless thousands across the deep south and also Utah and Kansas and pretty much the entire GOP. The poor dears.

"Homophobes might be secretly attracted to people of the same sex," is what the headline read, I mean obviously, I mean of course you already know what the researchers discovered, you and every conscious human within a 10,000 mile radius who also snickered, rolled her eyes and then sighed heavily with the obviousness of it all. It is not always the way?

Who among us with the slightest acumen toward self-reflection doesn't fully understand that the more you wail against something, the more violently outspoken or hateful you are against this or that perceived indiscretion, sexual proclivity, perversion, deviance, expression, delight, taste sensation, the more certain it is that said deliciousness secretly attracts you, turns you on and makes you enormously, terrifically scared?

Case after case, priest after priest, GOP senator after megachurch pastor after spittle-flecked Tea Party zealot -- all suddenly caught pants down in a bathroom stall, in a leather bar, gay chat room, in a Grindr hookup app, living out their real and honest selves even as they rail and oppose and thump their Bibles everywhere else. Hypocrisy, thy name is homophobe.

Which is, essentially, exactly what the study found. One's level of homophobia lies, quite frequently, in direct proportion to one's own brutally closeted desire for homosexual sex. Result: self-denial, self hatred, wailing and thrashing and Prop 8-ing against an unfair world.

Behind the humor and the sarcasm, there's a sadness, a brutal truism common to the human melodrama. Shall we have a glance? It goes something like this: Perhaps nasty homophobes are, the study gently suggests, to be empathized with, to be offered a modicum of compassion and understanding, due to the abject tragedy of their ignoble fate. And perhaps this offering, particularly in light of hateful trolls like Rick Santorum and his dark coven, perhaps this is one of the most difficult challenges you can name.

Hatred is, we all know, a learned experience. Someone teaches you that blacks are scary, Muslims are evil, women are lesser. Someone force feeds kids the vile falsehood that gay love is an abomination, as opposed to something obvious and common across every species of animal on the planet. I say 'force,' because kids will never believe it otherwise.

Does this all excuse the homophobe's acts, their nasty legislation, their bilious congressional votes? Does it give Rick Santorum, Rick Warren, Rush Limbaugh some sort of pass? Hell no. Does it give it a hint of understanding, and perhaps empathy, as we all recognize those places in ourselves where we have been similarly programmed, lied to, horribly misled? It might. Depends on your whisky.

Of course, it's not universal. Not all hardcore conservatives secretly wish for a gay romp or ten. Many just act out of purely poisoned souls, or from the unconscious demon telling them that if they're not allowed to express their deepest selves, if they can't live life at a more honest frequency, no one can.

We are taught to ignore our deeper selves in favor of the collective group-think, codified programming, a wrathful and disconnected God. This is the lesson: Do not ask deeper questions. Do not tap into your own genuine needs, sexuality, fierce spiritual magma. Do not dare suggest that most fundamentalist notions of Christian God are sort of detestable and gloomy, the exact opposite of what Jesus actually intended. Do not, most of all, dare to define it all for yourself, as your sex, your soul, your internal ethical slut see fit. What the hell do you think you are, free?