Parents of gay Children Should Push Their Churches to Change

The Rochester Democrat-Chronicle has a story of the laudatory - although in my view, misguided - efforts of a Catholic couple who are the parents of a gay son to push the Roman Catholic Church to cease its anti-gay jihad and their effort to get other parents to do likewise. To me, there is no question that change is needed in the Catholic Church on many fronts, but given the Church's Medieval power structure tyring to advocate from within is a case of pissing into a powerful wind. The Vatican and the corrupt and pompous bishops understand ultimately two things: membership numbers and, even more importantly, contribution revenues. Anyone who remains in the Church and continues to give it financial support is tantamount to a masochist or else playing a role akin to the "good Germans" who went along with and were accomplices to the Nazi regime's policies and atrocities. Taking the initiative to walk out from the familiar isn't easy, but in my opinion, it is the ONLY thing that will ever have the potential to work real change. I laud the efforts of this couple, but they are tilting at windmills. Talk alone will not work, One needs to talk AND walk away, making it crystal clear to all in earshot why one is leaving. Here are story highlights:
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When Casey and Mary Ellen Lopata's son Jim told them in 1983 that he is gay, the coming-out turned their world upside down. They never wavered in their love for Jim, 19 at the time, or in their love for and devotion to the Catholic Church.
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For several years, the Lopatas worked with Catholic Gay and Lesbian Family Ministry of the Diocese of Rochester, which gradually built a network of families willing to share their stories and be a voice for compassion within the church. Casey, who has a master's of divinity degree, speaks and writes about the theological perspective. The church, he says, teaches that homosexuality, which is not a choice but an orientation, is not sinful. Only homosexual relations, which, like any sexual activity outside marriage, is sinful. But Casey says it's not that simple. The church also teaches that celibacy is a gift. Not everyone has it; must all gays live celibate lives if they do not have the gift? The church, he says, also teaches that no one is obliged to do what is impossible for them.
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In 2004, the Lopatas formed Fortunate Families (www.fortunatefamilies.com), a resource and networking ministry for Catholic parents of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender children. The group works primarily with Catholic families, but welcomes others. The website collects and shares personal stories and includes a "listening network" of parent volunteers who lend an ear to other parents who are struggling with questions about their children's sexual orientation.
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"There will never be change if people don't talk," Mary Ellen says. They started Fortunate Families because they wanted to "go national," Casey says. "We thought that parents — who are often pillars of the community and active in their churches — have the greatest opportunity to make a difference." But many parents are themselves "on the edge" of leaving churches where their children do not feel welcome. Parents, Mary Ellen says, "need to find their voices and be not afraid."

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Again, in my view, until more and more "pillars of the community" walk away in a very public manner, the Caseys - while doing good for families with gay members - are fooling themselves if they think the Vatican or the bishops give a damn abut their efforts. The Church is still getting the monetary donations, and that's the bottom line of what matters to Rome.