The New York Times has a piece that looks at the suicide of 26 year old Joseph Jefferson (pictured at right) in New York City last month. While there doesn't appear to have been any anti-gay bullying involved, it does seem that Jefferson - like so many of us - suffered emotional/psychological as a result of living in a far too homophobic society. Being black and coming from a black church experience that is often more homophobic than other faith traditions may not have helped matters either. Like many suicides, we will likely never know Jefferson's final thoughts. However, based on my own experience and suicide attempts, I suspect he just felt overwhelmed and too tired to keep swimming against the anti-gay societal current. I use that analogy because at times I have felt that I am struggling against the current and that it would be easier to simply give up the struggle and allow myself to be swept over the waterfall if you will.The sad truth is that in this nation (and many others) being LGBT means that one has to deal with a whole additional ration of crap over and above what others must deal with. And too often, those of us brought up in toxic anti-gay religious denominations have a hard time ever fully escaping from the horrific brainwashing of our youth. The years of inculcated self-hate remains a latent poison beneath the surface just waiting for a trigger. Most of us can beat back the internalized homophobia, but sadly, not all us can do so successfully. Meanwhile, the modern day Pharisees of the professional Christian set continue to push their money making anti-gay agenda , never giving a damn as to the lives being damaged and destroyed as they pay themselves nicely on the equivalent of blood money. Yes, Maggie Gallagher and Tony Perkins, I mean you, among others. Here are highlights from the Times article:
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In one of the last updates he posted on his Facebook page, Joseph Jefferson sounded like yet another young gay person succumbing to overwhelming social rejection, if not outright bullying.
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“I could not bear the burden of living as a gay man of color in a world grown cold and hateful towards those of us who live and love differently than the so-called mainstream,” wrote Mr. Jefferson, 26, who killed himself last month.
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Experts say that two main risk factors for suicide are depression and a prior suicide attempt, both of which were in Mr. Jefferson’s past, although few of his friends or family knew of that earlier close call. (In 2008, he attempted an overdose with pills, according to Michael Roberson, a gay activist who considered Mr. Jefferson his godson.) Mr. Jefferson was especially prone to bouts of depression in the fall, the time of year when his mother had unexpectedly died in 2001, a loss from which he never fully recovered, according to friends.
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Mr. Roberson said that for any gay black man, homophobia is “never not part of the conversation.” “The message that we get from the black church is that we are an abomination,” Mr. Roberson said. “I know he felt that.” And that message, he believed, made Mr. Jefferson more vulnerable to a feeling of worthlessness.
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Why, exactly, did Mr. Jefferson decide to end his life? What was at the bottom of his sense of despair? What services might have reached him? In death, as in life, he was complicated, and he left no clear answers.
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In one of the last updates he posted on his Facebook page, Joseph Jefferson sounded like yet another young gay person succumbing to overwhelming social rejection, if not outright bullying.
*
“I could not bear the burden of living as a gay man of color in a world grown cold and hateful towards those of us who live and love differently than the so-called mainstream,” wrote Mr. Jefferson, 26, who killed himself last month.
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Experts say that two main risk factors for suicide are depression and a prior suicide attempt, both of which were in Mr. Jefferson’s past, although few of his friends or family knew of that earlier close call. (In 2008, he attempted an overdose with pills, according to Michael Roberson, a gay activist who considered Mr. Jefferson his godson.) Mr. Jefferson was especially prone to bouts of depression in the fall, the time of year when his mother had unexpectedly died in 2001, a loss from which he never fully recovered, according to friends.
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Mr. Roberson said that for any gay black man, homophobia is “never not part of the conversation.” “The message that we get from the black church is that we are an abomination,” Mr. Roberson said. “I know he felt that.” And that message, he believed, made Mr. Jefferson more vulnerable to a feeling of worthlessness.
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Why, exactly, did Mr. Jefferson decide to end his life? What was at the bottom of his sense of despair? What services might have reached him? In death, as in life, he was complicated, and he left no clear answers.
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