One of the most painful things that I believe gays and lesbians who come out in mid-life face is the potential for rejection by their children - not always because they have come out as gay, but rather due to the particularly nasty divorces its seems most gay spouses find themselves subjected to. Particularly in states like Virginia where the vast majority of judges are homophobes only to happy to believe whatever trash the straight spouse alleges, regardless of whether it is true or not. Of the formerly married gays that I know, only one has had a judge for whom sexual was not an issue - even if unspoken. The other factor that gay spouses also have to contend with is that perhaps they were not as good of parent as they might have been due to never truly opening up to anyone and/or their sometimes bad psychological state living for years burdened by self-loathing and varying stages of religious based guilt (religion yet again the root of so much evil and unhappiness). *
In my case, I have been blessed by the fact that my youngest daughter - unlike her older siblings who seem only too ready to hang on to ever old hurt and/or only believe their mother's side of everything - has remained true to me throughout. I do not think I'd have made it this long without her love and support. I admit that I'm hurting today. It's my son's 24th birthday. I've sent him a card and left a phone message with birthday greetings, but I'm not overly hopeful that I will hear back. All I can do is hope that someday he and his older sister will realize that there's more than one side to every divorce and that those who like to play the victim are not always in fact a victim. Sometimes they are actually the victimizer.
*
Perhaps the best trip of my life was back in the summer of 2004 when my son and I flew into Seattle and then rented a car and did a tour of southern British Columbia. The photo above is of my son near the summit of Whistler Mountain where the 210 winter Olympic Games will be held. No one can take those wonderful memories from me.
1 comment:
awesome pic!!! it makes me queezy to loke at it! I'm not really afraid of heights...but...WOW! I am in a situation somewhat like yours. Currently seperated from my wife and in the "never truly opening up to anyone and/or their sometimes bad psychological state living for years burdened by self-loathing and varying stages of religious based guilt". best of luck with your children...hopfully they will realize that you are there father and you love them, and this is what matters most =)
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