I recently did a post on relationship boundaries. My intent behind the post was to focus upon the need for boundaries for a relationship to work and last over time. Seeing the article on Gaytwogether I referenced prompted the idea for the post, in fact. I did not intend by the post to imply that my ex-partner is a bad person or that all fault for our relationship's end was his - I had a lot of baggage not the least of which was a nasty, scorched earth divorce battle that drove my children away form him as well as me, and I probably was not what he needed.
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Since I know he reads this blog, I wanted to state both to him for the record that despite our ultimate incompatability as a couple, in many ways he is one of the kindest, most generous and caring persons I have ever known. I know he loves me and I wish him only good fortune and happiness - he deserves happiness. He will always have a special place in my heart. Although bad luck, fate or whatever one might want to called it doomed us to not remain together, there were definitely good times between us and I will always treasure those moments. Likewise, I will never forget the way that he loved my children and my family.
1 comment:
Good Morning! I read this post before and it has come to mind several times. So, I thought I would respond and give you some things to think about. First, it appears that at times, you try to justify decisions you have made in your life. For example, I was married, but I did that because ... . Or, I didn't have a relationship with a man until later in life but that was because ... . Or, I find it difficult to find the right person but I'm not willing to lower my standards. Or, my relationship was bad because ... but, I didn't mean to say it wasn't a good relationship because it was in many ways. If I've kept your attention thusfar and you're not angy with me, perhaps you'll hear this: there's no need to justify any of these decisions. At the time, you did what you felt was appropriate and right for you. Later you found out that you wanted or needed more. Sounds pretty normal to me. There are many people who get a divorce. There are many people who find out they are attracted to the same sex. It's all fairly normal as I'm sure you realize. You have an extremely rigid sense of loyalty. It's part of who Michael is, you know. Those around you who care about people (you being one of them), aren't concerned with the justification. We accept. You are Michael. There's no need for justification. We are interested in the story. It's a beautiful one. However, at times, like in this post, you seem almost apologetic. It doesn't seem as though you were intentionally ill-mannered toward the other person. However, something went wrong. You're trying to discuss and release and learn from it. It is a very fine line to mark and stay within boundaries. It is nice to see that you recognize both the positive and the negative of the situations and experiences in your life. That is, after all, what makes life so exciting. There is always a give and take. You are a beautiful person. There's no apology necessary for that one. I've mentioned before that I'd enjoy meeting you and getting to know you better -- with reason and a purpose. However, since I know you do not care for facial hair, it's a non-starter. I like my beard. Would I get rid of it for the right guy? Sure, but there would have to be good reason to do so. It's part of me, so if that prevents the connection, I accept that it's just not meant to be. That's why I like being an anonymous e-friend. God is great. Life is good. You are loved by many.
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