The Other Victims of the "Ex-Gay" Myth - Part 2

I recently wrote about the victims so often ignored by the Christianists and fraudulent "ex-gay ministries - the straight spouses who end up in doomed marriages all so that (i) self-loathing closet cases can try to convince themselves they're not really gay,  (ii) politically involved Christianist can spread the lie to their GOP allies that gays can "change," and (iii) the "ex-gay" ministries can rake in some buck preying on tortured gays and their typically ultra-religious parents.  Meanwhile, the straight spouses are treated as they don't exist - nor are the families of such "mixed marriages" acknowledged to exist.  Instead, it's all about making a buck and playing political games with peoples' lives.  Andrew Sullivan has some more comments from his readers who suffered because of the "ex-gay" myth and religious traditions that refuse to accept modern knowledge about sexual orientation.  Religious traditions that - to quote blogger friend Bob Felton - prefer to cling to the writings of nomadic Bronze Age goat herders.  Here are excepts from Andrew's latest post on this sad topic:  

Last Monday, six days after I voted against the amendment in North Carolina that would protect the sanctity of marriage by stomping on the rights of gay couples, I told my husband that as much as it saddened me, we needed to divorce. We’ve been married for nearly 25 years and have two great teenagers, but I found out seven years ago that he was gay. We have worked mightily to reach some sort of an accord that would keep our marriage and our family intact. But I just can’t do it anymore.

As soon as I told him that the end was here, the emotion in second place to our sadness was relief … for both of us. The day we had both been dreading but knew deep down had to come was finally here. We will tell our children the whole truth once school is over. We feel they are old enough to understand now, and it is important that they know why we are separating so the cycle of secrets can stop.

When we got married, he was sure that he had put "those" feelings behind him for good, relieved that he wouldn’t be disappointing his parents. He was optimistic about having it all: the wife, the family, the career - things he didn’t feel he could have had if he’d chosen to be openly gay in the late 1980s. So he pushed it all away until he couldn’t deny it any longer

And it is all just so sad. I have to part ways with the person that I thought I would grow old with, who knows me better than any human on earth, who laughed out loud with utter joy when our daughter was born, who read each Harry Potter book aloud to our son until he was old enough to read them himself. I’m not mad at him anymore. I’m just so very sad.

That narrative in some ways describes my own failed marriage.  Like the husband in the comment, I stupidly believed that I could deny who I was and make it all go away.  Of course, it doesn't go away.  And while trying to please family, church and a large segment of society one experiences a daily living Hell and others are harmed.  Others that you love.  I hope that some day my former wife (who I will see Saturday at our daughter's wedding) fully forgives me.  I will likely never forgive myself.  Andrew also has a son's perspective.  Here are highlights:

My mother will never forgive my father, which I understand. .  .  .  .  For her, he stole her womanhood; he stole the possibility of making love and being loved by a man who desired her. That's what hurt me the most.

As I said, I will likely never forgive myself.  Nor will I forgive the professional Christians and church leaders who continue to denigrate and demonize gays and in the process create more failed marriages like my own.  Worse of all, they don't give a damn about the straight spouses and the children of these doomed marriages.