I'm not sure of the cause - the extreme financial stain is a constant backdrop that I know doesn't help matter - but I am struggling to get energized and put aside melancholy. Perhaps subconsciously, I'm worried about the Prop. 8 trial and how it all will end. Perhaps it's from knowing that the house is going to be all torn to Hell as we finally get started on port flood repairs (we finally settled with the insurance adjuster last Friday) and face 6 to 8 weeks of chaos. I should feel excited because we are headed for Key West on Friday morning - a break that both of us desperately need after packing up the first floor, dragging stuff to storage, and completing the salon renovations which we largely did ourselves. Perhaps it's the sense of loss I feel over my relationship - or lack thereof - with my two older children. *
I know that I am lucky to have the boyfriend in my life. Likewise my youngest daughter and a wide circle of friends who I believe are far more genuine than those I knew in my straight life. Maybe it's just the dreariness of winter here in southeast Virginia. While warm compared to many places, winter is often cloudy and the dampness on the coast produces a bone chilling effect that's worse than cold temperatures inland.
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I truly hope that the Key West visit will recharge me. I need it and, of course, will be blogging via the lap top. And I will naturally be in daily contact with my office. When in private legal practice, it is almost literally impossible to escape ones clients and their crises - whether real or perceived.
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Thank you dear readers for your continued support - this blog so often is my lifeline.
3 comments:
Sometimes it just feels like Life is going out of its way to knock you on your ass, doesn't it? But things get better, maybe not as quickly or as completely as we would like or hope for, but they do get better.
As far as family goes...it's tricky I know, but the only thing you can do is be there if and when they decide to come back. If they do come back, great. If they don't, well, it's their decision and their loss. All you did was be honest with them and yourself. You still love them and care for them (I'm sure they know this)like the good father you are, the rest is up to them. Don't punish yourself for something that isn't your fault and can't change.
We all have regrets in life and we tend to carry them with us like treasured heirlooms when what we should do is learn from them and then leave them in the past where they belong. Life is hard enough without us going out of our way to make it worse. You have people that truly love you and care for you; take joy and strength from this. That's a rare and precious thing: cling to it, care for it, repay it to the best of your abilities, and never let it go.
All we can do is live our life to the best of our abilities. Sometimes it feels like it's not enough, not by a long shot, but it's all we have and it's all we can do. Live, care for those you can, and love as freely and unconditionally as you are able.
A friend of mine calls winter here "mental illness weather." And I do believe it's true. I'm sure our weather is very similar to yours.
I don't have the emotional and financial strains that you do, but I face tremendous health strains that make each day a battle. So having dreary, cold, rainy, gray weather, day after day, weeks on end, absolutely affects my mental health.
So many speak of the mind/body duality, but it ain't true! If that body doesn't feel it, that mind isn't, either. So hold out some hope that a change in your body feeling, like a beautiful vacation to Key West, may give your mind a boost, too.
It's the hope I hold onto all winter long. Spring WILL come.
Those of us who are passionate have the ability to experience a wide range of emotions. The downs are really down, and they're scary, and they hurt. A swamped home is a real downer, and non-responsive relationships are upsetting. On the other hand, the ups are precious and sometimes exhilarating. Hoping the FL sunshine will warm you up!
The days here are already getting longer. Is that true in your part of VA?
As for Prop. 8, I'm rejoicing that we have the best legal team ever. Either way this trial goes, there will probably be an appeal. We'll still have the best team!
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