Wicked - and Melancholy

The boyfriend bought tickets to the musical Wicked (which is on tour in Norfolk) for the two of us and his parents and we saw the show today. It was wonderful!! He's seen the show twice before on Broadway and said that the sets and performance were as good as in New York (the actress playing Elphaba today is in fact from the Broadway cast). Before the show, he took all of us to lunch at a restaurant called Freemason Abbey located in a former church built in 1873. His parents seemed to have a great time. They are truly sweet and have been so accepting of me. In many ways it was a wonderful day, yet I continue to have a constant sense of melancholy - almost a sense of dread and impending doom.

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I suspect the sense of dread stems from knowing that I have yet another court hearing in a month where the former wife and her attorney will again try to demean me, vilify me and basically try to destroy me. I truly do not believe I can withstand another round of this nightmare. I am fully prepared to do something extreme rather than subject myself to another round of gay bashing and abject humiliation by a prejudiced judicial system and vicious opposing counsel. Candidly, my will and all my estate planning papers are in order and the boyfriend has a medical power of attorney in the event it is needed. If the former wife thinks I am merely grandstanding, she and will end up with nothing will be sorely disappointed.

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I have not yet given up fully, and in an effort to revive my spirits we are meeting a straight friend later at The Wave to dance. Often dancing is a catharsis for me and I am hoping it will help me to rally my spirits. I awoke this morning in the wee hours after dreaming of writing my own obituary. I definitely need to find the strength to get past this horrible experience. I never wanted my divorce to be this way, but the former wife has gone to great lengths to make it a thoroughly vicious nightmare. I can take the verbal gay bashing part because it cannot touch me. I am PROUD to be gay and indeed believe it is a special gift. The mistreatment by bigoted judges is another matter and I will die before I allow them to take away my dignity.