Friday, November 09, 2007

Divorce is Final

Finally, more than six (6) years after coming out to my wife, the divorce is final. While I lost much, the outcome was less horrific than it could have been, and a final agreement was negotiated after firing my attorney. It is strange that I - a non-litigator and non-divorce attorney – got a better result than my supposedly experienced attorney. I do feel that the motion to reconsider based on the judge’s perceived bias that I filed myself – my attorney would not do it – opened the door and provided the room for a negotiated result.

The irony is that a similar result – without $30,000 in attorney’s fees and immeasurable heartache – could have been reached at least a year ago but for the homophobic Regent Law graduate attorney my wife first hired. That woman took obvious delight in tormenting me over my sexual orientation. I can still see her self-satisfied smirks as she tried to badger me about being gay (I hope she has children and all of them a total nellies/dykes). All she did was poison matters and run up her fees to the ex-wife. In short, she looked after her own billable hours but not her client’s ultimate best interest. I guess I should not be surprised given her Regent background – talk about religion and “family values” and line your own pocket first and foremost regardless of whether your client is well served.

From this experience, the moral to divorcing couples should be: STAY AWAY FROM THE ATTORNEYS!!! It will eat up assets, make the ordeal so much uglier, and most likely not enhance either party’s ultimate position financially. Given the fact that one must practice law today so as to avoid a malpractice claim later for alleged lack of vigorous representation, the matter will get vicious. It is guaranteed. Once the attorneys get involved, if only so as to cover their butts, they will go for the jugular and the case will get nasty. I told this to my ex-wife before the divorce suit started and she would not listen to me (I believe an idiot former neighbor – who continues to stay in an abusive marriage no less - got her ear). Yet it all played out as predicted. If you cannot cut a deal between yourself and the ex, go to mediation, but do NOT resort to litigation counsel.

I say this too because of the collateral damage the nasty lawsuit will create: children get caught up in it and what should be an honorable separation of ways just because awful. I believe that anyone coming out is doing so basically because they simply cannot play the role and live someone else’s life any longer. Their mental health and sanity are at stake. It does NOT mean they have animosity to the former spouse or wish them ill. Before all the divorce nastiness, I never wished my ex-wife ill will. I wanted her to find happiness. I just could not continue on with the lie. It had nothing to do with her. It was about me - and me only.

I have rambled, but do hope that those who are debating what to do or how to do it can perhaps avoid some of the mess I have lived through for the last 14 months.

1 comment:

Chris Germaine said...

Hello Michael. Congratulations on your divorce. You are correct that the attorney's make matter's much worse. I saw this first hand when I hauled my ex-wife into court on contempt charges. The event was more successful as my attorney was on maternity leave and her attorney did not show. As for your statement on ill-will towards your former spouse, I agree with this too. We are now on speaking terms. We do speak nearly every day and it is cordial.

Chris Germaine