Death of Gay Mormon Hopefullt Will Spur Activism

Back in September I wrote about the sad and tragic suicide death of Bryan Egnew (pictured at right with his family) who came out to his wife at age 40 after years of marriage only to quickly find himself excommunicated from the Mormon Church and separated from his five children. Perhaps understandably, Egnew felt that suicide was his best option. While Egnew was Mormon - admittedly a particularly anti-gay denomination - similar horrors are inflicted on those from other denominations such as the Roman Catholic Church, the Southern Baptist Convention and many others. Worse yet, all to often divorce court judges are little better and cannot put their personal religious based bigotry aside in order to see the common humanity of gay litigants. From my own experience I could name two Norfolk Circuit Court judges who fail into this category and who, under even Virginia's Canons of Judicial Conduct ought to be removed from the bench because of their judicial misconduct. If there is any good news arising from Bryan Egnew's sad story (which resonates with me because of some of the parallels) it is the fact that it may give rise to much needed activism to counter suck anti-gay bigotry. A column in Religion Dispatches looks at events in the aftermath of Egnew's suicide. Here are some highlights:

Bryan Egnew grew up in an observant LDS family in Arizona, the fourth of ten children. After graduating high school, he attended Brigham Young University, served a proselytizing mission in France, and then married in an LDS temple. He became the father of five children. He served in his local LDS congregation. He did everything that was asked of him.

And over the course of more than twenty years, Bryan slowly came to terms with the fact that he was attracted to men. Six years ago, Bryan confided his attraction with a friend he’d known since BYU days. Jahn Curran was a fellow Mormon, a father, and someone who’d also come to terms with his own homosexuality a few years earlier.

Jahn offered Bryan a listening ear, and some practical advice. When Bryan called a few months ago, saying he could keep his situation from his wife no longer, Jahn told him, "Be prepared to fight a legal battle. Get a lawyer.

Within two weeks, Bryan was excommunicated from the LDS Church. From the perspective of Mormon doctrine, his excommunication severed Bryan’s relationship to his children not only in this life, but also in the hereafter.

Alone in his home in North Carolina, Bryan was devastated. His parents flew out to be with him, then brought him back to Arizona for intensive treatment for depression.

After a few weeks of therapy, Bryan convinced his parents and his therapist that he was stable enough to return home to North Carolina, so he could look after the family home. Back in North Carolina, on Saturday, September 10, Bryan bought a gun at Wal-Mart. He fed the family’s animals, cleaned the house, handed the keys to a neighbor, sent a message to a family member that they needed to come to the house, and then went on the front lawn and shot himself.

[T]he story became public. And now, advocacy groups are mobilizing around Bryan’s story to demand that LDS Church leaders do more for gay Church members. Within gay Mormon communities, there is debate over whether focusing on gay suicides actually works to change Mormon hearts and minds.

But in the wake of Bryan’s death, many Mormons—LGBT and otherwise—are reflecting on the kind of support our communities are capable of offering gay Mormons who feel they can no longer hide their sexuality.

We’ve been taught that it is an abomination—the choice of selfish individuals. We’ve believed that same-gender attraction is comparable to a disease like alcoholism, or to pornography addiction—an unhealthy compulsion to be battled and overcome. We’ve bought into the idea—and many Mormons still do—that it is possible to change one’s sexual orientation through various therapies, or marriage, or prayer and fasting. We’ve been led to believe that equal rights and protections for same-sex couples constitute a threat to our religious freedom.

[D]o any of these serve the thousands upon thousands of young Mormons who are coming to terms with their attraction to people of the same sex? Do any of these prepare non-gay Mormons to respond to gay sons and daughters, husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, or fellow Latter-day Saints?

May this weekend’s Conference bring some kind of strength to all those who love and care about Bryan--including his family, LGBT Mormons, and the families of LGBT Mormons around the world.

I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy whatsoever for Egnew's wife. She acted as a mean selfish bitch. She obviously cared nothing for her husband and likewise deep down cared nothing for her children who she helped to deprived of a father (increasing their likelihood of suicide in the process). As for the Mormon Church leadership, I am confident that if there is is Hell, they have special reserved seats for the abuse, hate, and intolerance they have inflicted on others even as the pat themselves on the back for their false piety and self-congratulation. Common whores have more integrity and moral upstanding. Both the Mormon Church leadership and Egnew's wife literally have blood on their hands and I sincerely hope they are haunted for the rest of their miserable lives. The world would be a better place if far right Christianity - be it under the nomenclature of Catholicism, Southern Baptist, or Evangelical Christian - and far right Mormon beliefs disappeared from the planet. Am I being too harsh in this assessment? I think not. If anything, I am not harsh enough. Religion in this form is an immense evil that needs to be irradiated because it is solely about hate and fear.