Richmond, Virginia is not the most progressive of cities when it comes to LGBT rights and equality (although it now has a LGBT tourism page on its convention and visitors center web page unlike even more backwards Hampton Roads). Nor is the Richmond Times-Dispatch what one would exactly describe as a liberal news outlet. Actually, it often borders on the near reactionary. Hence my surprise to find a lengthy and positive piece in today's publication on Guy Kinman, now 93, a long time activist in the Richmond LGBT community. Like me, Kinman came out later in life - actually a decade later than I did - and had been married. As he describes it, he tried to live up to other people's expectations. Something that I suspect so many of us in the LGBT community have done for varying periods of time until we finally face the fact that it's not working and that we are lying to ourselves and those we love. Here are some profile highlights:*
More than a quarter-century later, Guy M. Kinman Jr. looks back on what he calls "the greatest moment in my life" and remains amazed that he was a part of it.
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It was December 1985, and Kinman, the new president of the Richmond-Virginia Gay Alliance, led a campaign in which billboards were placed across Richmond with gently provocative messages such as: Someone You Know Is Gay … Maybe Someone You Love. For Richmond at the time, it bordered on extraordinary.
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The billboards marked a remarkable personal awakening for Kinman after a lifetime of gradual self-discovery, largely spent trying to fulfill other people's expectations. The former Presbyterian minster and Air Force chaplain, who had been married for 10 years before divorcing, didn't come to terms with the fact he was gay until his 50s.
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In his 60s, he stepped forward in a very public way to spearhead the billboard campaign, bringing an innate confidence and hard-earned fearlessness, along with a can't-we-all-just-get-along nature to the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender movement.
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"Guy is the institutional memory for the Richmond LGBT community," said Jay Squires, president of the Gay Community Center of Richmond. "I don't have any hesitation at all to call Guy one of the most committed activists that I know. He's really a deep thinker about our issues."
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An introspective sort, Kinman has thought a lot about the billboard project and his life in recent months, since the Virginia Historical Society and the Gay Community Center of Richmond created the Guy Kinman Research Award to promote historical scholarship on LGBT issues.
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[D]uring the Korean War he was accepted into the Air Force as a chaplain. He enjoyed the work better than preaching and earned commendations, but he still didn't feel at home with his job or himself. Near the end of his six years as a chaplain, he realized he was "not the authentic person that God had intended me to be."
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He left the ministry, took a sales job and moved to Richmond. He fell in love and in 1962 married a Richmond woman and became a stepfather to her three children. He remained married for a decade, but like the ministry, it was never a comfortable fit. The word "gay" never came up during the marriage, Kinman said, but he said it was clear he didn't belong in that sort of relationship.
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"It was best for both of us," he said. "I walked out with a great sense of freedom. Not freedom that she had been a burden, because she was a wonderful woman, but having to be a heterosexual man had been impossible."
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He was in a unique position compared with younger members of the LGBT community. He had no parents to disown him, and because he was retired, he didn't have to worry about an employer finding out. He didn't care if people knew he was gay. In fact, he was glad to tell them. He didn't mind going on television or presenting himself at newspaper editors' offices. He was happy to have his name associated with the project, even fielding the calls that came in on the phone number printed on the billboards.
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Something he's thought a lot about is the advancement of the LGBT movement in the past 25 years — the greater standing of gays and lesbians legally and in society in general, chief among them. He's thrilled and gratified at the recent repeal of the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy that barred openly gay individuals from serving. He's also glad to be around to witness it.
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It's sad that so many - especially Christianists - are so afraid of living an authentic life as the person God made them to be. Instead, they hide behind religion as an excuse for self-hatred and the hatred on others. Kudos to Kinman for having the guts to be who he is. From my own experience, it is such a liberating feeling and hopefully sets an example for others.
He left the ministry, took a sales job and moved to Richmond. He fell in love and in 1962 married a Richmond woman and became a stepfather to her three children. He remained married for a decade, but like the ministry, it was never a comfortable fit. The word "gay" never came up during the marriage, Kinman said, but he said it was clear he didn't belong in that sort of relationship.
*
"It was best for both of us," he said. "I walked out with a great sense of freedom. Not freedom that she had been a burden, because she was a wonderful woman, but having to be a heterosexual man had been impossible."
*
He was in a unique position compared with younger members of the LGBT community. He had no parents to disown him, and because he was retired, he didn't have to worry about an employer finding out. He didn't care if people knew he was gay. In fact, he was glad to tell them. He didn't mind going on television or presenting himself at newspaper editors' offices. He was happy to have his name associated with the project, even fielding the calls that came in on the phone number printed on the billboards.
*
Something he's thought a lot about is the advancement of the LGBT movement in the past 25 years — the greater standing of gays and lesbians legally and in society in general, chief among them. He's thrilled and gratified at the recent repeal of the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy that barred openly gay individuals from serving. He's also glad to be around to witness it.
*
It's sad that so many - especially Christianists - are so afraid of living an authentic life as the person God made them to be. Instead, they hide behind religion as an excuse for self-hatred and the hatred on others. Kudos to Kinman for having the guts to be who he is. From my own experience, it is such a liberating feeling and hopefully sets an example for others.
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