Miami Herald columnist Leonard Pitts has a great column that looks at the price of the cowardice and the closet both in terms of political careers and ruined lives. I concede that was in the closet myself for many years and that it took a huge emotional toll and most definitely played havoc in many ways with my relationships with those people who I loved most. Quite simply, unhappy and internally tormented people often are not nice to be around and cannot open themselves up to authentic relationships with others. In my defense, however, unlike many closeted politicians, I never engaged in anti-gay conduct as a means of trying hide my own identity crisis and fears of "my secret" being discovered. While coming out remains a personal choice in my opinion - unless one is a closeted politician casting votes harmful to other gays, in which case I support "outing" - overall, I believe living open and honestly is the best choice. Even if, as in my case, it carried a high financial price. Here are some reflections from Pitts' column: *
Three little words. That's what keeps bringing us back to this intersection of low comedy and pathos. Three words, none longer than three letters -- and yet, some of us still find them nearly impossible to say. Three words: I am gay.
*
If he'd been able to say those words, who knows what Roy Ashburn might be today? But we already know what his inability has made him: an object of ridicule. . . .
So naturally, we're all shocked -- shocked, I tell you, shocked! -- to learn that Ashburn himself is gay. This revelation came after he was arrested for drunk driving early this month. Turns out he'd done his drinking at a gay bar. ``I am gay,'' he told a conservative radio host. As for his anti-gay record? He said he was just following the wishes of the people he served.
*
There's just something ineffably pathetic in the inability of these middle-aged men, in the Year Of Our Lord 2010, post-Will & Grace, post Ellen DeGeneres, post-Barney Frank, Elton John, Meredith Baxter and Neil Patrick Harris, to simply stand up and say those three simple words.
*
Perhaps that sounds judgmental. Perhaps it is. But if so, it is a judgment fueled by the cowardice and mendacity of those who lack the courage to be what they are, by anger at the hypocrisy of a Roy Ashburn willing to sell out his own for 40 shekels of political approval from those who would hate him if they only knew, and, ultimately, by the realization that we have been at this intersection too many times before.
*
So you have to wonder: how many Massas and Ashburns, how many James Wests, Ted Haggards, Mark Foleys and Larry Craigs do we have to see, how many shocked spouses and embarrassed children do we have to endure, how many lies, alibis and justifications do we need to hear, before we accept the obvious: Gay is not a choice, gay is not a sin, gay is not a shame. Gay simply is.
*
And their inability to say ``I am gay,'' doesn't just speak poorly of gays and lesbians. . . . After all, their inability to say what they are only reflects our inability to accept it.
Three little words. That's what keeps bringing us back to this intersection of low comedy and pathos. Three words, none longer than three letters -- and yet, some of us still find them nearly impossible to say. Three words: I am gay.
*
If he'd been able to say those words, who knows what Roy Ashburn might be today? But we already know what his inability has made him: an object of ridicule. . . .
So naturally, we're all shocked -- shocked, I tell you, shocked! -- to learn that Ashburn himself is gay. This revelation came after he was arrested for drunk driving early this month. Turns out he'd done his drinking at a gay bar. ``I am gay,'' he told a conservative radio host. As for his anti-gay record? He said he was just following the wishes of the people he served.
*
There's just something ineffably pathetic in the inability of these middle-aged men, in the Year Of Our Lord 2010, post-Will & Grace, post Ellen DeGeneres, post-Barney Frank, Elton John, Meredith Baxter and Neil Patrick Harris, to simply stand up and say those three simple words.
*
Perhaps that sounds judgmental. Perhaps it is. But if so, it is a judgment fueled by the cowardice and mendacity of those who lack the courage to be what they are, by anger at the hypocrisy of a Roy Ashburn willing to sell out his own for 40 shekels of political approval from those who would hate him if they only knew, and, ultimately, by the realization that we have been at this intersection too many times before.
*
So you have to wonder: how many Massas and Ashburns, how many James Wests, Ted Haggards, Mark Foleys and Larry Craigs do we have to see, how many shocked spouses and embarrassed children do we have to endure, how many lies, alibis and justifications do we need to hear, before we accept the obvious: Gay is not a choice, gay is not a sin, gay is not a shame. Gay simply is.
*
And their inability to say ``I am gay,'' doesn't just speak poorly of gays and lesbians. . . . After all, their inability to say what they are only reflects our inability to accept it.
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