For LGBT Americans, Holidays Can Be a Time of Added Stress

I have shared with readers the fact that I do not like the Holiday Season in many ways and often find it to be a time where I find myself battling sadness. Many other LGBT individuals find it equally bad or even fer worse if they have been disowned by their families because of their sexual orientation. I know a number of individuals in this latter category who have been cut off from family for many years. As a parent myself, I truly cannot understand how one can have such a warped mindset as to disown their own child. To me, it says much more negative about the parent than the LGBT child. Sadly, it is typically a toxic version of religion that leads parents to act this way - yet another example as a force for evil rather than good. The Chicago Tribune has a story that looks at this difficult season from the perspective of many LGBT Americans. Here are some highlights:

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Even after he turned 20, Justin Herren viewed Christmas with childlike wonderment. Back at his family's home in Tennessee, he and his brother and sister -- all three grown up -- would rise before dawn to open presents, just like they did as kids. The family would sing carols around their mother's piano, soak in a tree trimmed with long-familiar ornaments and reconnect over an elaborate feast.
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But when Herren was 22, he sat his family down and told them he is gay. At that moment, the holiday he loves was forever altered. Five years on, he and his father still barely speak. His mother doesn't want to hear about his life in Chicago. Instead of a four- or five-night Christmas stay, he flies in for a night and leaves the next day. "We're able to be around each other, but it's just tense," said Herren, now 27. "To be honest, I'd rather be in a place with people who are happy to have me around, rather than just tolerating me."
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While many view the holidays with a certain amount of familial anxiety, people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender often face a wide array of additional stressors. Some aren't out of the closet -- or have told only a sibling or two -- and spend the holiday keeping a whole part of their life and personality locked away. Others must manage parents who don't approve of their sexuality. And some must be apart from their partner because of unaccepting relatives.
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"You have all the built-up family expectations and the mythology of the holidays, you have the regular family drama, plus this," said Lisa Gilmore, a counselor at the Center on Halsted, a GLBT community center in Lakeview. "There's this added tension relating to a family member's identity, there's anxiety over secret-keeping." "The holidays are a lot about fantasy," Gilmore said. "For some, there can be a deep grief and sense of loss over the shattering of that fantasy. For others, it's knowing that the holidays are always going to be this hard, thinking, 'Something about my identity is always going to be a problem.' "
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That's what it's like for Ben Gannon, 24, of Chicago, who still returns to his family's home in rural Washington state every Christmas. His father is a conservative Christian minister who, along with his mother, has been unable to accept that Gannon is gay, even though he came out at age 19. "I was informed of the impact I'd had on the family by coming out," Gannon said. "So at Christmas, it's a bit of a Cold War. I don't talk about my sexuality, I don't talk specifically about my life. It's a part of my life they just can't handle."
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Germaine McGlun was born and raised in Chicago. She's 54, and this Christmas she'll surround herself with friends at a celebration the Center on Halsted is hosting. She has vivid memories of Christmastime growing up, from the smell of home cooking to the excitement of being surrounded by loved ones.
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"They're my family, I love them," Gannon said. "Ideally, I would love to spend Christmas with them as myself. But right now, I just can't do that."
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What strikes me as a constant in stories like this is that the parents/family are more concerned about themselves rather than their child. They worry about "what will people think" and cling to out dated and false views about sexual orientation. Love is love whether it be between and man and woman or two people of the same sex.