Having come out of the closet myself much later in life after being married and having three children, on one measure I can identify with the situation in the increasingly hostile McGreevey divorce case of former Gov. McGreevey: (see: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-%20yn/content/article/2007/04/28/AR2007042800205.html) even though I in no way condone the former governor’s apparent sleeping around and sleazy truck stop sex trysts while married. It is very hard to get an estranged wife to accept that you did not marry her or come out of the closet simply to hurt her or destroy her otherwise pleasant life.
My own divorce – which I am attempting to finalize after over four years of separation – is increasingly nasty and my estranged wife seems to want nothing more than to punish me for the rest of my life for “what I did to her.” Meanwhile, she forgets that she is the one that gave me the ultimatum to either "go back in the closet and never come out, or move out." I doubt she will ever believed that I never set out or intended to hurt her. Nor, I guess can anyone who has not been in the closet and in extreme denial for many, many years appreciate what religious based bigotry and societal judgments did to me. It has taken time to finally put all the religious based self-hate and feelings of guilt behind me (I will post again describing the process). I continue to hope that in my own divorce case my, estranged spouse will eventually opt for the comments of the judge hearing the McGreevey case:
“ELIZABETH, N.J. -- A judge handling the contentious divorce of the nation's first openly gay governor and his estranged wife urged them on Friday to use "common sense" during their split. Judge Karen Cassidy also called former Gov. James E. McGreevey's sexual orientation insignificant to the case.”
Fortunately, even here in Norfolk, two judges have said that my sexual orientation is insignificant to the case each time my estranged wife’s attorney has attempted to play the gay card. The saddest thing is that for now, two of my children (all of my children are now over 18) are not even speaking to me because of the poison they hear from their mother. Fortunately, my youngest child seems to be coming around. Despite the hurt I have received from my children, they continue to be one of my greatest joys and a source of immense pride.
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I will not go into all the details here, we can always discuss it outside of a public forum, but, eventually your children will come to the realization that all the poison they have been fed was pure nonsense.
Trust me on this point, as much as my paternal grandmother tried to split us away from our mother, and as many lies as my father told us over the years, eventually we both realized the truth. Must have been all those late night phone calls when my sister and I started comparing notes.
You won't find a tighter-knit little group of three than my Mom, my sister, and me. We know that when the chips are down, it is our little trio that will come through in the crunch. For example, my Mom took quite ill some years back, and had to have kidney surgery. As soon as we found out, both my sister and I said to her, if you need one of ours, it's yours, don't even ask. I think she cried for an hour after we both told her that. Luckily, she did not require a transplant, but she knows that we love her that much. As much as our dad and his mother tried to split the three of us up, it only served to bring us closer. It caused Mom a lot of hurt when we were young, but now we all know the truth and you wouldn't split us up with a hammer and chisel.
I think they will be back. Just a feeling.
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