Parents of Gay Soldiers Become Crusaders for Same-Sex Marriage in Minnesota

I wrote about some time ago about Andrew Wilfahrt - the first known gay soldier killed in Afghanistan since Barack Obama signed legislation for the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Now, with the Christofascists seeking to pass an anti-gay marriage amendment to the Minnesota Constitution, Wilfahrt's parents (pictured at their first gay pride event) have become activists in the effort to defeat the hateful amendment and have gone very public about their feelings. CNN has a lengthy article on their activism and their belief that what they are doing is about defending the state Constitution and protecting the rights of all citizens. Jeff Wilfahrt skipped a recent White House tea with the first lady held for families of service members. He wanted to send a message to the Obama administration: My son gave his life for his country, yet didn't have full rights back home. Now, that's what a fierce advocate does - not just pretty words like all too often are all we see from the White House. I recommend reading the full story. Here are some highlights:
*
Cpl. Andrew Charles Wilfahrt, 31, is believed to be the first gay U.S. soldier to die in battle since President Obama signed the repeal of "don't ask, don't tell," the policy forcing gays in the military to hide that part of their lives or risk being kicked out. He was also among the smartest in the half-million force, scoring a perfect score on his aptitude test, a feat the Army says is rare.
*
Andrew was so well-liked his comrades named a combat outpost for the soldier with the infectious smile. COP Wilfahrt sits 6 kilometers from Kandahar. To his buddies, it is not named for a gay soldier, but for one who fought with valor. . . . Andrew never denied his sexuality. But like so many, he struggled with what it means to be gay in America.
*
[W]ith his death, his parents have taken up the cause of gay rights. Andrew fought for his nation in a foreign land. His parents' war is being waged in their home state of Minnesota. To them, it's about defending the Constitution -- protecting the rights of all citizens.
*
The Wilfahrts have the milquetoast looks of middle-age Midwesterners: gray hair, rimmed glasses, apple-pie ordinary. Yet make no mistake: These lifelong Minnesotans might be the most powerful force to join the same-sex marriage movement.
*
In a state that has produced GOP presidential hopefuls Michele Bachmann and Tim Pawlenty -- who have made careers fighting gay marriage -- these parents of an American hero present a major challenge to the establishment. They'll take their battle to the Supreme Court, if that's what it takes. To the Wilfahrts, denying gays the right to marry is discrimination against a group to which their son belonged.
*
" ... I hope my son didn't die for human beings, for Americans, for Minnesotans who would deny him civil rights." On this day, in the grandstands of the pride parade, the Wilfahrts will celebrate their son's identity as both a gay man and a soldier. It's the type of event that would stun Bachmann and Pawlenty: More than 100,000 gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders and straights gathered in their home state, celebrating life and obeying the law.
*
Republican Rep. John Kriesel, who lost his legs while serving in Iraq, sent Andrew's photo around the floor during debate in the Minnesota House. A few years ago, he said, he would have defined marriage as solely between heterosexuals. But his military service changed that. "This amendment doesn't represent what I went to fight for," he told lawmakers.
*
"I cannot look at this family and look at this picture and say, 'You know what, Corporal, you were good enough to fight for your country and give your life, but you were not good enough to marry the person you love.' I can't do that."
*
None of his comrades cared about his sexuality. And, guys being guys, they cracked gay jokes around Andrew. His response: to laugh with them. He said it was funny that he talked more about his sexuality with his band of brothers than he ever had with gay friends.
*
Four months after their son's death, Jeff and Lori sit at the kitchen table, the place where Lori says "a lot has gone down." They both say the Army's been good to them. They don't feel anger, except as Jeff puts it, for "those f--kers at the Capitol" who voted against same-sex marriage.
*
Shortly after Andrew's death, Jeff wrote a letter to his son's comrades. "A gay child will take you to places in your heart you did not know existed," he said. "Regardless of orientation, I beseech all of you who are parenting now, or do so in the future, to give them all the love you can muster. At times it feels like you are bailing the ocean, but do not stop loving your children."
*
Jeff's greatest regret is not hugging his son when he first told him he was gay. "This is how it is for an old fool of a man. This moment is the burden I carry."
*
They want people to know their son wasn't a "gay soldier." He was a great soldier who happened to be gay. Above all, he was a citizen.
*
The irony is, of course, that from all I have read about him, Andrew Wilfahrt was a far better man and human being than those in the Minnesota legislature for the noxious anti-gay amendment. His parents have just reason to be proud of him and I applaud their efforts. Like their son, they are heroes. The true villians are the anti-gay bigots who need to denigrate and dehumanize others so that they can feel superior in their own shallow, miserable lives.