The Travails of a Gay Parent - Bigotry in Sports

From time to time I receive an e-mail that truly strikes a chord with me and resonates in a huge way. I received another such e-mail from a gay parent who is wracked with worry and concern that his sexual orientation and his life relationship with his partner has the potential to negatively impact his child who is being recruited heavily for college sports scholarships. Give the homophobia that continues to be so widespread in athletics, his fear is that his son might be turned down because of his father's "lifestyle" as the bigots like to call it. Hence, he must pretend to merely be "divorced" and his ex-wife plays the role of the second parent. His partner remains invisible despite his significant role in his partner's son's life. It is truly a f*cked up situation.

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Some would argue that the gay dad should be himself and tell the college athletics crowd to do something rude and crude to themselves. Yet, having come out after years of marriage and experienced first hand some of the hatred and bigotry that impacts the children of the newly "out" parent, I understand this parent's worries. Like this parent, I have been there and done that. It is so draining to worry that one's acceptance of who they are might harm those you love. And it's all too easy surrender to the tendency to say to yourself "it all my fault" - even though it's no one's fault or the fault of a sick society. As a parent (at least for me) no urge is stronger than the urge to protect your child and to try to make everything alright for them in their lives. It continues to truly sicken me that bigots - and most of all I'm sad to say self-congratulatory Christians - will make life Hell for a child merely because of who that child's parents might be. NONE of us had the luxury of choosing our parents, and one would hope that alleged mature adults would know better than to harm a child, or in this case potentially damage the college sports career of a talented young man merely because his dad is gay.

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Obviously, I cannot tell this parent what is the best thing to do. I respect his decision so far to put his child's interests first and keep within the closet in terms of interactions with college recruiters. He needs to do what he feels best. But meanwhile, I hope more and more of us will demand that this type of bigotry cease. People need to be judged for their character and their integrity and talents - not for the color of their skin, who their parents are, or their sexual orientation.