The Foul Fruits of Homophobia and DADT

This past week I have found myself and my sexual orientation much more in the public eye than I'm accustomed to. First, there was a news article in the local paper, the Daily Press, about a meeting between City of Hampton economic development personnel and members of HRBOR, the area affiliate of the NGLCC. The article was positive on the issue, even though some of the reader comments would make one cringe given their venom and ignorance. That was followed by a opinion column that again was positive and which basically lambasted the local Neanderthals. I was quoted in both articles. The crowning event was when one of the local TV channels did a story on the matter last evening and yours truly was on the evening news. I have been totally out for some time now, but it's nonetheless unnerving at times living in this area to be really, really out so to speak. I believe most of my clients know I am gay and don't give a flip, but this week pushed me back towards having moments of fear of the consequences. As I recently told a young reader, the coming out process in some ways never ever stops.

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Where am I going with all of this? The experience has made me think again about the damage done by homophobia and - particularly in this area - DADT.

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In terms of homophobia I have one young friend - who I love dearly - whose life has never been what it might have been because he was more or less cut off from his family members. Simply put, they would not accept his being gay. He doesn't talk about it often, but like so many others that I have known who have suffered this form of family rejection, the scars never totally go away. I was lucky in that my extended family more or less came to terms with my coming out after years of marriage even though some family members might not have understood it or given their druthers would have had me remain "straight." As I have noted many times, I cannot understand what kind of parent rejects their child because they are LGBT. Worse yet, the rejection always boils down to religious based bigotry. Yet again proving to me that religion is often a force of evil in the world, not a benefit.

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On DADT, we recently lost a friend who died way before his time. We are having a group of us get together for a sort of memorial service at our home tomorrow evening. He was retired Navy, and before his retirement lived for many years under the constant threat of DADT. Between the anti-gay message of DADT and family non-acceptance, I believe it took a huge toll on his life and may well have led to his early death. Equally sad is the fact that like MANY gays in the military, he entered into a marriage of convenience which gave him "cover" with the military and gave his wife military benefits. Beyond that, there was no real marriage. Yet the legal system recognized it even while legitimate same sex unions are treated as non-existent. As I stated, this marriage of convenience phenomenon is VERY common in this area and truly underscores how deeply DADT causes LGBT service members to live a lie. All so that faux professional Christians like Elaine Donnelly, Tony Perkins, and similar societal leeches can make a nice buck and appease their own warped sensibilities.

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All of this, of course demonstrates that freedom of religion remains a farce in the USA. And sadly, our President continues to allow this travesty to continue due to lack of will or indifference.