Straight Spouse Network Supports National Coming Out Day

Having been previously married for many years, I know all too well the ordeal involved in coming out to one's spouse and family. I also have observed the sense of being cheated that a straight spouse feels at learning that their marriage, while not a sham, was not and never could be what they had hoped and dreamed for. Often, the straight spouse feels that they have been the victim of the gay spouse. This feeling is understandable even if not accurate. On my part, I never had any intention of hurting my ex-wife or causing her unhappiness. With the benefit of hindsight, I believe both spouses are the victims: victims of a homophobic society and a majority religious tradition that forces people like me to try ever so hard to conform and be what they are not. The so-called "ex-gay" programs increase the likelihood of gays trying to be straight and in the process causing hurt and turmoil to the straigth spouse. Sadly, the "ex-gay" programs care nothing about the innocent straight spouses placed in untenable marriages, the sole focus being to maintain the bogus "choice myth." Thus, it is noteworthy that the Straight Spouse Network has come out SUPPORTING National Coming Out Day. Here are highlights from PR Newswire:

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The Human Rights Campaign has declared October 11th as National Coming Out Day. On this day, members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) community -- and those who love them -- will celebrate the opportunity for them to live openly. A new voice (from what many might think is an unlikely source) has joined in support of this basic human right: the voice of straight spouses -- men and women who have been or are married to LGBT people.

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Why are straight spouses supporting National Coming Out Day? "Many concerns of a straight spouse relate to anti-gay and anti-trans attitudes and behaviors in communities across the country," says Kathy Callori, Executive Director of the Straight Spouse Network. "They, and their children too, are often stigmatized or isolated in social or religious groups. They also fear their LGBT partners will lose their jobs or community status if they come out publicly."

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To end the practice of closeting in marriage, straight spouses have added a heartfelt pitch to Coming Out Day 2008: "Let LGBT persons come out as equals -- a human right." For the same reason, SSN [Straight Spouse Network] as an organization supports same-gender marital unions.

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It is estimated that up to two million gay, lesbian, or bisexual individuals have married or will marry. In addition, an unknown number of transgender persons marry. When they come out, their spouses feel ignored, betrayed, and sexually rejected. Most family members and friends, even professionals and clergy, do not understand their pain or minimize their concerns. Each straight wife or husband must heal the wounds caused by the unexpected disclosure while undergoing their own identity crisis in isolation.