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I began moderating comments to this blog some time ago largely due to the insane and/or abusive comments that would be posted from time to time by right wing lunatics and anti-gay Christianists. Sadly, from time to time I also receive abusive comments from self-absorbed and sanctimonious older gays who seem to think that they have a monopoly on being gay and that those of us who lived for years in the closet have no standing to express our views or comments on events past or present. Often these gays making such comments seem to think that only they have done anything to "make a difference." *
My recent post on the Christianist conniption fits over the possible designation of a "Harvey Milk Day" apparently sent one such self-absorbed individual over the top and he sent me an extremely nasty and abusive comment - which will NOT be published - attacking me and some other gay rights activists. Had he bothered to really read that post - this individual always seems in a rush to pontificate - he would have realized my comments were really about the Christianist desire to erase gays from sight rather than any commentary on Milk and/or the time period of his activism other than to paraphrase some historical information from the Sacramento Bee's article.
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I have never denied that I was in the closet for many years. In fact, the title of this blog states that fact very clearly. Does that make my thoughts and comments irrelevant? Apparently to some it does, but I respectfully disagree. Each of us has unique life experiences and COLLECTIVELY we have a larger story to tell. But that doesn't mean our individual experiences are invalid. Nor does it mean that we can't make a difference at whatever age we come out.
*Not to brag or give myself unwarranted credit, I do feel that I am doing my best to make a difference now that I have come out of the closet. I helped found HRBOR, which was the brain-child of a friend and myself, which is growing in strength literally monthly. Moreover, to my knowledge, I am the ONLY self-acknowledged "out" attorney in this region of the state. Oh yes, we have our "family friendly" attorneys and closet cases, but no other attorney to date will publicly say that they are gay. They all fear the potentially negative consequences such as being forced out of their law firms (Virginia has NO employment protections for LGBT citizens).
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Why have I chosen to be out professionally? One reason is that I refuse to hide any longer. More importantly, only by being out and visible will the climate perhaps change where other attorneys will feel they can be open about who they are. Yes, there is a down side. Many firms in this area would never hire me even though they lie on the non-discrimination forms required by the state's leading law schools and say they abide by the non-discrimination policies of the law schools that protect LGBT individuals. My divorce where I was basically put on trial by the judge for being gay is another case in point. But other judges and attorneys have acted more decently toward me when they saw a face put on the word gay and the sole issue has become my competence, not who I sleep with. The process has to start with someone.
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Do I often wish I had come out earlier? Most definitely. On the other hand, if doing so would mean that I would not have the wonder of my three children, then no, I'd do it all the same all over again, including all the emotional pain and torment. Bottom line, attack me if you will. Just don't expect me to give you a platform for nasty, vile comments.
3 comments:
Michael
I am of the opinion that our task – and “our” is all Americans who are sick and tired of having the Christianist/Republican view of life legislated as public policy and not just the LGBT community – is to ensure that every single one of the hate-filled, intolerant, racist and bigoted current office holders in the entire nation is defeated in November. And beyond. It’s not only about the Presidential race although we are all focused on that race, as we should be. I honestly can’t imagine why your piece on Harvey Milk should have elicited an intemperate response, particularly, I would think, from an older gay person. Whatever Harvey Milk’s politics may have been, he was murdered because he was gay. Like Matthew Shepherd, like Larry King, and so many, many more. Perhaps we’ve made progress since Matthew Shepherd was hung on a fence to die, but there is much more “progress” that must be made. Remember, it wasn’t so very long ago that Black men and women were hung from trees to die. There is no rational justification for this kind of hate and bigotry in our society no matter what one believes, except, as we’ve seen over the past 20 years or so, if one espouses the creed (or screed) of the Christianists, as you aptly term them. (I appreciate the parallelism to “Islamists” the current term of preference for radical Muslims). Recall that Pat Robertson blamed gays, lesbians and other non-Christian deviants for 9/11 or that several doctors who performed abortions have been killed in the name of Christianity over the past two decades.
As a former “soldier” in the Civil and Woman’s Rights movements of the 1960’s and 70’s, Anti-Vietnam war protests, and equally in the struggle for human rights for all of our fellow citizens, it saddens me that even one “older gay” doesn’t seem to fully recognize the slippery slope to fanaticism, illiberalism, and fascism down which we have been sliding of late. “Faith-based charities” being funded by the Federal Government who will not distribute condoms or even discuss this effective means of disease prevention in AIDS ravaged Africa? The confirmation of strict Constitutionalists like Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas to the Supreme Court? (I guess brother Clarence has never heard of the 2/3’s clause of our Constitution). Our out-of-control Executive Branch using private communications companies to spy on American’s phone conversations? And there is so much more in this mind-boggling list of the Bush administration’s usurpation of power, aided and abetted by Christianists and other hate mongers.
Like you, I came out late, have a family and struggled for many years with my sexual identity. My story, like yours, is similar to many others but also unique to me. I, for one, believe that each of the 6 billion individuals on the planet today are deserving of “certain inalienable rights, among them life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” No one’s story is more valuable or less compelling than another’s. But I think we would all be wise to think about in how many ways we can be sliced and diced as a society to divide us into warring camps for someone else’s political gain. For my money, it’s not the American way and it doesn’t matter to me how many years I may have left under the protection of God’s love. I will continue to fight.
Scott
Well, I've said for years that gays can be their own worst enemy.
If more of the queeners & screamers succeded, all anti-gay folk would have to do is sit by the sideline and watch the LGBT world implode.
Of course, I don't know what the idiot wrote, but hell I probably would have published the comment for all to see the fool that he surely is.
It's not very often you don't put up a comment, so I can only guess it must have been a dozie.
Hey twit, come and send me an email at artlynentertainment@gmail.com and I'll be happy to post it on Just Shoot Me Now ! for all the world to see.
And of course add my own commentary as only I can !!!
I have respect for those that can keep a quiet faith without pontificating at other people (a task which seems hard to do for many) but this is exactly the reason why I have never taken religion onboard. To me there is just good, bad, Nature and the wonders of science and evolution.
The ultra-religious would class me as godless and unsaved but what do I care what they think? They're better than me because...? How do they or I know where we're all going to end up after death?
And somehow I think Nature will have the last laugh; not fictional religious edicts and man-made gods. And there's room within Nature for all; straight, gay, bi, all have their place and purpose.
We are only as important as one another, and comments are comments and bad comments come from sad, uninspired, blunted individuals who find pleasure in misery because secretly their own lives are lacking. If their lives were as high and mighty/great as they made out, they'd be out there living these great lives, not looking for trouble on the internet. And honestly, I've never come across a right-wing conservo-jesus crispy yet who has talked about goodwill, charity, donation (outside the US army) or simple friendship, all the things you'd think Jesus would inspire in them as standard.
So you have nothing to worry about. You are not a right-winger, so by default you're cool.
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