Tuesday, July 26, 2011

$10,000 Reward Offered to Anyone Outing "Marcia" Bachmann

I know that some readers disapprove of "outing" closeted gays who work against the civil rights and denigrate the humanity of gays how have achieved self-acceptance and discarded the religious brainwashing of their youth. But, I condone outing when the targeted individual spreads lies and deliberate misinformation against the LGBT community. Hence, in my view, Marcus Bachmann with his insidious "ex-gay" therapy promoting "Christian counseling centers" is a target worthy of outing. Apparently, I'm not alone because the blog Pure Film Creative is offering a $10,000.00 reward to anyone "who has solid, verifiable proof that he has had sex with Marcus Bachmann." The blog goes on to state that "We’ll consider another arrangement if you were just propositioned."
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In addition, the blog goes on to offer advice to Michele Bachmann's lisping, mincing husband on how to achieve his ex-ex-gay makeover. Here are some highlight (You really need to read the entire piece):
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It would appear that we have called it right and that there is something not quite straight about the Marcus “Marcia” Bachmann story. The ex-gay therapist, who would appear to be ex-gay himself, is being hounded all over the media, from Jon Stewart’s Daily Show to the Daily Beast, for his—how do we put this discreetly?—underperformance of the American performance of masculinity. To put it indiscreetly, Marcia behaves like a screaming queen.
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The cliché is to mangle the Shakespeare quotation from Hamlet, “The lady doth protest to much, methinks,” and say that the proof of your true nature is in your screeching, in the hating. But, like most Gheys, I doth have much experience with Nelly queens such as thyself, Marcia, and I know the screeching and hating to be an old-fashioned affliction, something for which they locked women away routinely in the 19th century: Hysteria.
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Now, Marcia, for your ex-ex-gay makeover:
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1. There is such a thing as being too swish. And you are too swish.
. . . We suggest binding your wrists in splints for a couple of months to keep them from flapping. Also lower your voice, get speech therapy for that sibilant S—you are really stereotyping us, Marcia, and that can cause resentment in the ranks—and start taking Xanax so you don’t mince about quite so excitably.
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2. We need to talk about that waistline. While there are a fair number of chubby chasers out there, fat is a handicap. . . . you should definitely consider lap-band surgery. Once you’ve lost the flab, you might have excess flesh that will need to be removed. We have contacts in Thailand who can help you with that.
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3. You can tap into your inner barbarian. Invasive surgery of any kind is painful, and might land you with a Limbaugh-esque Vicodin addiction. The alternative is you can grow a beard and invest in a custom-made leather wardrobe.

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