So far the weekend has been a much needed escape to a different place and scene. Last week was NOT a good week and on Tuesday I again contemplated a permanent solution to my current financial and post divorce wars nightmares, upsetting the boyfriend, my youngest daughter, my family and my staff as I careened out of control. In fact, my office manager called the police and had both the Norfolk and Hampton police departments looking for me. Two Hampton police cruisers rolled up moments after I got to the house. I was in total meltdown. At times I wonder whether the anti-depressant meds make things better or worse.*
In any event, so far this weekend has given me some much needed perspective - which hopefully will last past my return to Hampton Roads. Sometimes it is all to easy to get caught up in the sh*t of life and forget that there is a huge world out there and that one's current existence is not the end of all possibilities. Of course, being in New York City on the anniversary of 9-11 and staying in the West Village which is worlds away from the backwardness and provincial mindset of Tidewater Virginia where LGBT citizens have zero legal protections from discrimination and far too many professional Christians make a lucrative livelihood off of marketing homophobia and anti-gay prejudice, does make one think. I don't know if I could live in New York City full time - especially in the winter - but I can safely say that except for the boyfriend's successful business, I would seriously consider leaving Virginia without a second thought.
*
On Tuesday before I was reined back under control by the boyfriend and two wonderfully nice and sensitive Hampton police officers, I had posted two very out of control posts on this blog. I took the posts down within a few hours, but should never have posted them perhaps in the first place. Why did I do it? Anger and pain. And frustration at a legal system that allows gays to be brutalized by gay bashing attorneys and crucified by homophobic judges and where the State Bar and Judicial Review Commission do nothing to prevent such actions even though they are prohibited by the Canons of Judicial Conduct and the Code of Professional Responsibility. I guess I just wanted t give back some of the brutality I have received repeatedly. I hurt some people. As they have hurt me. I so much want all of the nastiness to be over.
*
On a different note, I wanted to tell our friend Douglas (who is letting us use his apartment) that the boyfriend, a/k/a "Martha Stewart" has now added plumbing to his ever expanding repertoire. The formerly slow draining bath tub (which decided to not drain at all) is now freely flowing again after Martha's assault on it with a snake from a local hardware store - our gift to you - and a jug of Drano.
2 comments:
Dear Michael,
We don't know each other. I read your blog each day - sometimes several times a day hoping for a new pic, although our tastes differ and I like the more mature beefy specimen.
A friend of mine has given me the advice that I should not focus so much on what is wrong, infuriating, depressing, and should put such thoughts out of my mind.
I usually reply that reality is what it is and that it is important to recognize it, name it, and be outraged by it.
But my friend has a point. When we focus on the outrageous, we become outraged. When we focus on the depressing, we become depressed. When we focus on the negative in the news, we become negative.
We must, of course, live in this real messy world, and not in the fantasy world of our own creation. On the other hand, computers and the internet allow us to be outraged and depressed and angry about things we once would not have known about. That is a profound source of social change for the good. But it also allows us to bring into our minds all sorts of negativity.
We cannot be Pollyanna. We cannot hide the truth. We cannot ignore the facts. But for our own good - especially for the good of those of us with more tender, caring souls, we cannot allow ourselves to become infected by the outrage, the negativity, the anger.
To bring those within us, to allow our souls to be infected by it, brings only disaster on us.
So be watchful, my friend whom I do not know. For feeling the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune does not ultimately hurt those who sling and aim arrows. It hurts us. You and I, and those like us, can only absorb so much, can only be allow ourselves to be exposed to so much, before we melt down.
It would be nice if we were built otherwise, if we were impervious to the slings and arrows. But we are not. We are made of more sensitive stuff.
So affirm and notice the good. Notice the bad only as far as you are able. But resist bringing it inside yourself, at all costs.
May you be at peace and may you walk in beauty.
Douglas thanks Martha. And if he solved a problem that has recurred throughout the decade, tackled many times by various plumbers, super visits, and yes, quarts of Liquid Plumber, he has apermanent weekend pass to NYC!!
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