Saturday Thoughts

I am moving a little slower than usual this morning since the roommates talked me into going to The Wave last night and we ended up closing the place. Friday night is less crowded than Saturday night which is usually filled to capacity with a line to get in at times waiting for people to leave. The music was less non-stop club music but was still good for dancing - the main reason I go out typically - and a different crowd than that on Saturday. Ironically, I ended up dancing much of the time with a young Navy guy - after all, one must support our men in uniform. :)

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One of the reasons I decided to go the club - and plan on going to a volleyball tounament and TACT fundraiser at the the Oceanview Pier this afternoon/evening is that I've decided that I need to start varying my social life and going to a larger assortment of social events. Otherwise I will be acting like the SBC as described in my prior post: expecting different results from the same conduct which has failed to work to date. There is a great post on Gaytwogether - a blog I read daily that looks at gay relationship issues and provides some good "self-help" articles authored/edited by another Michael who is a real sweetheart - that looks at "Meeting Mr. Right." The piece indicates that repeating more of the same social pattern that has failed to yield boyfriend material is not the way to find that special guy. Here are a few highlights:

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Perhaps the best definition of madness I've heard is "doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results." Yet this is exactly what many of us do. We keep living our lives the same old way and things stay pretty much the same as they always have. We are waiting for lightning to strike us.
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Where are you investing your time? If you're a gay man and you want to meet other gay men, are you spending time where you are likely to find them? Someone once asked bank robber Willie Sutton why he robbed banks. He famously replied, "Because that's where the money is." Are you spending your time where there is likely to be a payoff for you? If you find that almost all of your friends know one another, consider that a clue. Staying with the investment analogy, it may be time to diversify your social portfolio. Keep your old friends, but try doing something different as well.

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Good questions to explore include:
**How available are you?
**Do you really want a boyfriend?
**Or are you perfectly happy as an independent guy and just moaning about wanting a date because everyone else seems to be doing so?
**Are you emotionally accessible?
**Are you ready for the sort of openness intimacy requires of us?
**What about your schedule – are you always working, or are you involved in a hundred different causes and projects?
**How diversified is your social portfolio?
**Do you hang out with the same people virtually all the time?

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Working long hours may be fine for your career, but it can play havoc on your social life. Doing volunteer work or socializing primarily with non-gay folks is fine, but you may want to think about spending time with other gay men as well if your goal is a romantic relationship.

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Obviously, some of these points hit home with me. Thus, I may even end up playing volley ball today for the first time since I came out and no longer played it at the neighborhood pool trying to be "one of the guys" and blending in with the straight guys.